Thou Art...(Theme Entry)

*claps* oh my…maybe the OD Staff will be able to keep up the every Friday thing for a while… I like this theme, so I will run with it.

What is my strongest belief?
Hmm… interesting. I am guessing that most people will talk about god, because when someone asks what you believe in, that can often be the first response. Automatically and swiftly, they will respond with a semi-sermon about the strength of their belief in god. Hm. I am gonna go there, because I don’t really believe in god, and that LACK of belief leads to my strongest belief.

I don’t believe in a god who looks down upon his creations and moves them about like chess pieces. I don’t believe in a god who hears & answers the multitude of simplistic and selfish prayers of her creations. I don’t believe in a god that is separate from who I am. I believe in myself. I believe that I can do anything that I put my mind to (within reason) as long as I trust myself. I believe that my creator made me strong enough to deal with and live through anything that I encounter, and only if I have tried my damnedest and done my best will my ‘god’ even consider helping out. I believe in a god that believes in me, and insists that I grow into the fullness of who I am, without leaning on those everlasting arms.

Why do I believe in such a ‘hands-off’ god? Maybe it’s because I haven’t had enough ‘miracles’ in my life. Everything that I have gotten, I have worked for & towards, even if I didn’t realize it at the time. I have never been one to sit on my rear and bitch (or pray) when I couldn’t get my hands on what I wanted. I have tended to be one who has always reached towards what I wanted, and if I ever chose not to reach, I blamed my lack of getting what I wanted on myself, rather than on fate, or the gods, or even my destiny. I considered the role of god while I was going through my pregnancy, and how abortion figured into that role. And that was the only time where I have said, ‘Well, if god doesn’t want me to do this, I won’t be able to’. While I believe in a god that lets me find my own path and create my own preordained life, I believe in a force that will not be stopped, and will not be ignored and whose power cannot be imagined.

Sounds contradictory? It is…and it is not. So perhaps…my strongest belief is in god…and in myself. My strongest belief is in the goddess that is within me. In the portion of that force that will not be stopped and cannot be ignored that exists within me. I believe in the portion of that unimaginable power that the Creator has, that she placed within me at the moment of my birth. And leaning on that belief, I can do anything.

Hm. I know that the idea of my god has been shaped by books, mainly science fiction & fantasy. The image that I have of my god is similar to that of The Star-Eyed One, from Mecerdes Lackey’s OathBound series and others dealing with the Shi’anin and the Hawkbrothers. The Star-Eyed one is a fierce yet loving goddess, who expects her children to do all that they can to make it before they call on her. A quote that I remember reading the solidified this concept of her being ‘my’ kind of goddess is this:

“Once a hunter called upon the Star-Eyed one, asking for her help because he had lost his skill in hunting, having relied upon his luck rather than on his skill for too long. She looked at him and said ‘You are still alive, aren’t you?’, meaning that he had not yet done enough to warrant her help.”

It sounds cold, and perhaps not as loving a goddess as most people would imagine, but I have to respect a goddess who depends all from her children, and when they have given that, she in turns gives her all.
Hm. I guess I am a pagan after all. *laughs*

Stay Jazzed.