The Green Eyed Monster

I don’t think that I am a moody person…much. But occasionally I will have days where I just go from mood to mood for no apparent reason. Most of the time, my moods are directly correlated to either how much money I have, or how much sleep I have gotten. If there ever comes a point in my life when I actually have enough money to cover all of my needs and a few of my wants, and I am well rested, I think that I will be a simply amazingly cheerful and pleasant person.

It is interesting how money colors almost everything I do, and how I look at and judge people. Hm. I can’t ever say that I truly know what poverty is, simply because I have lived as a member of the ‘working’ poor for so long, that the concept of being truly poor to me, is to be homeless. When we were homeless, I was really too young (thank god) and my mother was too skilled in making it seem like some huge adventure for me to really be…aware of what poverty feels like. Now, looming in front of me like the Emerald City is the idea that it may actually be possible for me, in the not too distant future, to not live from paycheck to paycheck. That I might actually be able to pay off all of my bills. That for once, since I left my mothers house, I might not be in debt, that .. oh mercy..

I might be able to start INVESTING...and saving for a HOUSE…and…. *gasps* purchase a CAR. And the feeling is actually kind of scary, because I don’t want to become one of those people who have money, and who are cheap. Every time I tell people that I am going to be broke for at least another 4 or 5 years, they always look at me like I have lost my ever loving mind. However, it makes perfect sense to me. I am not going to be able to go out and just casually spend money like I would want to. And until I can do that…I am going to feel broke. Not as broke as I feel right now *grins* but broke all the same. And the fascinating part is that I am going to ENJOY being broke for once in my life, because I will be able to see the whole debt/income ration decrease. I am going to get an odd sense of pleasure from writing away hundreds of dollars in checks every month. Of course, I will be pleased even more when I can STOP doing that…. *sighs* ah. money.

I have always been more of an ant type than grasshopper. Always saving a little for the cold times…and I cannot understand how people who have huge sums of money ever go broke. In that I guess that I am kind of limited, because I have never really been a huge consumer. But all the same, how can you literally SPEND millions of dollars on…stuff?? Okay change. I can ‘understand’ it logically, but why would you want to?? I would want to live for 10 years on 100,000 dollar a year, rather than one year on a million, and then have to scramble for the next 9 years trying to keep up the lifestyle that million has you accustomed to.

And.. what sort of madness infects people anyway?? Folx who three months ago could barely afford a new pair of shoes, now flying to Italy to get shoes custom made by some one they never heard of a year ago? Why? Is it really all about keeping up with the Jackson’s when you get a certain amount of money? *shakes head* And the line between spending foolishly and spending well is SUCH a thin one. Ah well.

Stay Jazzed.