Viper's Stolen Survey

Lunch time Survey stolen from Viper.

#1. What is the most expensive thing you have broken?
A bathroom sink. I broke it right off of the wall. Don’t know how much it cost, but that would have to be the most expensive thing
#2.What is your dream job? No matter how realistic or not, what would you like to be doing right now?
A journalistic photographer for National Geographic. I love how they travel all over the world and take some of the FLYEST pictures I have ever seen.
#3. Who would you like to be reincarnated as?
Reincarnated as? Hmmm…..Myself, just skinnier and richer.
#4. Most embarrassing tape/CD in your collection.
Don’t have any… I let them all get stolen.
#5. Cartoon character you can identify with the most.
None really…. There aren’t that many cartoony girls.
#6. Celebrity you can't stand!
Dr. Laura Slessenger
#7. OD'er you would most like to meet.
Hmmmmm……that’s a toughy. Most likely AOIM…better known as Kelly. She is such a happy friendly hard-ass : )
#8. The teen idol when you were a teen.
Ummm..no clue. I have never kept up with that kinda stuff.
#9. What is your favorite Viper entry?
Oh goodness…. I am going to have to go back over his WHOLE diary now. *laughs* Okay…. It would have to be the ‘I’m Dying!!!!! coffee’ I had to seriously stifle some loud giggles as I read that one.

Naughty Naughty

Another Stolen Survey…. It’s called dirrrrty secrets.

1. Have you ever shaved off ALL your pubic hair? Surgery doesn't count.
Yes, I have.
2. Have you ever had a sexual encounter with a relative?
Yup. He was a ‘kissin’ cousin, and I didn’t know his was my cousin until later
3. Have you ever been partly undressed by a partner in a movie theater or other public place?
Yeah….in a park, and in a car in fromt of a movie theater
4. Have you ever dyed your pubic hair? What color? Why?
No…I usually don’t have much.
5. Have you ever received anal intercourse (men and women can answer this, please)? Did you like it or hate it? What was bad or what was good?
One and a half times. The first time was simply loveeelly…the ½ a time not so…which is why it was only a half time.
6. Ladies, do you have intercourse during your period? Is it better or worse at that time?
Yes/better. Mucccchhh stronger orgasms, and I can go longer cuz I don’t get dehydrated if ya know what I mean.
7. If you're married, have you had sexual intercourse with someone other than your spouse since you were married? Oral sex? Manual stimulation? A French kiss? A kiss on the cheek or neck? Which of these constitutes "cheating" in your book?
Not married...and…all of them except the kiss on the cheek or neck. That can be cheating or not depending on intentions.
8. Spit or swallow?
swallow. If it’s in my mouth already, that seems so much neater.
9. Do you receive pleasure from having your nipples licked, sucked or bitten? Can you reach orgasm from that alone?
I like them licked, sucked and bitten, and yes… but we/I have only managed to pull that off once.
10. Have you ever used sex toys (vibrators, dildos, cock rings, etc.) with a partner? How about by yourself?
With a partner: yes. With myself: yes.


Hmm.. that wasn’t toooooo dirty. Well within OD’s rules I would say. Hmm… on to something I stole from Viper.

Singing Survey

The point of this survey (that I stole) is to answer each question with a lyric - it looked challenging so I thought I'd give it a go.

1~ Who are you?
I’m a bitch, I’m a lover, I’m a child, I’m a mother, I’m a sinner, I’m a saint, I do not feel ashamed, I’m your hell, and your dream, and nothing in between and I wouldn’t want it any other way (Meredith Brooks ‘Bitch’)
2~What do you look like?
‘cuz she’s a brick….HOOOOOOOUUUUZZZZZZEEEEE… she mighty mighty, letting it all hang out. (Parlamint Funkadelic ?? )
3~What's your secret?
I try to say goodbye and I choke, I try to walk away but I stumble. Although I try to hide it, it’s clear. My world crumbles when you are not here. (Macy Gray, “I Try”)
4~What do you want to be?
Iiiiiiiiiii…wanna be RICH! (who is this by??)
5~What can you do?
I can see clearly now, the rain is gone. (????)
6~What can't you do?
I’d do anything, but I won’t do that (Meatloaf ???)
7~What is love?
Love Is. ( Vanessa Williams & Brian McKnight “Love is” )
8~What is friendship?
Keep smiling, keep striving, knowing you can always count on me, for sure, that’s what friends are for ( Dionne Warwick ‘Friends’ )
9~Are you strong?
Gotta be, gotta be bad, gotta be bold, gotta be wiser. Gotta be tough, gotta be strong, gotta be harder ( Des’ree ‘Gotta Be’)
10~What are you afraid of?
When the dog bites, when the bee stings, when I’m feeling saddddddd…… ( The Sound of Music ‘Favorite Things’)
11~What would you tell the one who loves you?
Loving you, is easy ‘cuz you’re beautiful, and making love with you, is alll I want to do (Minnie Ripperton “Loving You’)
12~What do you want to do?
I wanna live forever, I wanna learn how to fly… HIGH! ( Theme song to ‘Fame’)
13~What do you want to say?
They say I’m hopeless….as a penny with a hole in it. ( Dionne Farris ‘Hopeless’)
14~Where do you want to be?
This, is the place where I belong, right here in your arms, without you something is wrong ( Shai )
15~Who do you love?
Whatta man, whatta man, whatta man, whatta mighty good man, yes he is ya’ll…. ( Salt & Peppa with En Vouge ‘Whatta Man’)
16~How do you feel?
I feel love love love love crazzzzzzyyyyyy love (Brian McKnight ‘Crazy Love’)

hmmmmmm…that was kinda fun… I sorta wish there were more questions though. I might add some later..


Stay Jazzed.

Well... that was fun.

Found a Christmas gift on e-bay. Got outbidded on all my other auctions. Tired all the time. wake up at 6:00 at work at 7:00 leave at 3:30 study/eat till 5:30 go to bartending class at 6:00 stay till 10 get home around 12:00 eat (maybe) go to sleep. Thank god I only have another week of this madness.
Nothing much to talk about. Work is dull, Chef cooks for me, class is fun, I'm broke and I need sleep.
*sighs* life.

Stay Jazzed.

helppppp me.........

AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have just discovered the madness that is e-bay. Yeah.. I had heard of it before….and even heard of a few people that got hooked on it…but I had no clue as to it’s overwhelming….ADDICTION. I have only been on it for a few minutes (15..20….has it been an hour already?) and I can feel the pull of the auction. Being bored at work iss verrah dangerous. I ended up here because I want to do a lot more photography, but I don’t have the lens that I want (a telephoto and a long zoom and a wide angle.. yes I want it ALL). SO I started by hunting down some reviews of different lens and getting a general idea of prices. From there, I was off to e-bay to find what is out there…and OH MY!! So much so much…. I’m scared. I also need to find a tripod.. and oh mercy I wonder if they auction off film… *wanders back into e-bay muttering to herself*

Notes of the Day

Suddenly in a flash the difference between fantasy and cheating is clear…the mind wanders, but the body and the heart does not. Anyhow… I’m working on roughly 6 hours of sleep from the last two days, I feel vaguely sick (odd appetite and general feeling of urghiness), and hmmm….

Bored out of my mind at work. I am considering taking a half day tomorrow…come in as late as possible and leave as early as possible…so I can get both more sleep and more Chef time. I have promised myself that I will NOT bitch about his job and the hours that it makes him keep. I just won’t. What he does is what he loves doing and I don’t in any way shape or form indicate that I want him to prioritize the two. I expect his job to take precedence over me…and I expect him to expect my job to take precedence over him. Just the way it is, and the way I have to live with it being. *sighs* Still… I hate the fact that I am so rarely at my best when it comes to talking to him and being around him because I am either at the high or the low end of my sleep cycle. Mercy knows I make too little sense when I am tired or when I have just woken up.

Hmm… have been masquerading in various chat spots and just online in general as a lady named Jasmyn Black. It reminds me of a black morning glory, deep and rich and velveteen to touch. I like the sound of it anyhow….with so much free time on my hands, I might create an online alter ego…I wonder what scandals she could get into?

Hm… it wouldn’t be a full and complete entry if I didn’t briefly bitch LOUDLY about the fact that it is snowing. Not flurries, not a chance of snow, but full fledged real live SNOW. It’s only November *sobbing* I don’t mind having a white Christmas, but a white thanksgiving is simply not RIGHT! I have plans to brave the madness this weekend and actually go out and try to buy some real gloves. The minor minor little things that I am wearing now just are not going to cut it, and I need something REAL before I lose a tip or two to frostbite.

I’ll toss in a quick hair reference too… While bored out of my mind at work, I decided I would try this little hint I got off of one of my newgroups about how to keep the roots of your twists neat while waiting from them to get nicely locked up. So, I looped & twisted (my name for the process) the whole back row of my hair, and figured I would leave those in and see how it turns out. IF it looks good and last through a few hair washes, I might get bold and try to do the whole head.

Confession time…. I have been holding off putting locks in my head because of a remarkably odd conversation I had one day on the MARTA (Atlanta’s train system) with this guy. He sat down next to me and asked me if I was so & so… when I said that I wasn’t he said that I looked almost just like a friend of a friend of his who was growing locs and dropping weight at the same time. He said something to the effect that I would look almost just like her once my locs had grown out. This convo was held during that period of time when I was ‘trying’ to loc my hair in Atlanta. For some odd reason, I think that the person he was talking about WAS me.. and that when I finally make the plunge to get locs, I will also have to fully commit myself to the plunge to lose weight. *sighs* I don’t know….

Stay Jazzed.

The Rest of it al

I have to learn how to talk. I can open my mouth and speak on the minor minor things, but anything that really tickles my heart and that matters, I have a hard time speaking on. At least to other people. It was over this issue that me & Chef had our first big… ‘thing’. Not an argument, more of a very pointed inquiry into my head and heart and OUCH did that pointy thing hurt. In order to finally actually TALK to him I had to write what I wanted to say and read it at the same time. There is a disconnect between my head & heart & mouth that the head & heart & hand connection somehow manages to over come. So…over the weekend I went out and did some very single stuff…movies (by myself) shopping and drooling…random flirting…*grins* so all in all I had fun. This past weekend had to be one of the most relaxed weekends I have had in a while.

My bartending classes start today, and just my luck, it is cold as HELL frozen over outside. I really don’t like cold weather, and I remembered why after coming to work this morning. It’s icky. Period. That is all there is to it.
Speaking of periods, mine is a week late. I checked on *thinks* Thursday, and according to the little blue line, I’m not. However, as I brought a cheapie brand, and I used it at night, and as it still has not shown up, I think I will drop for the cash once again, just for my own peace of mind. Ugh. The simple thought that I might even remotely be pregnant again is about to drive me utterly batty. And if I am not and my cycle is just shifting to another type…argh! Why would it pick now? It has been being remarkably regular lately. *sighs* But…I shan’t worry about that right now. : ) It will do nothing but drive me batty.

*watches the bats fly around in her head*

Made my OB/GYN appointment…thank god nothing is wrong with me considering I can’t get an appointement until January 11th…at least that is just next year.
Hmm hmmm hmmm… In love with my hair lately. I realized just how comfortable I am with myself when I started thinking about whether I would want to be another race if I could switch. Just snap my fingers and be white or asian or hispanic or indian or african or whatever, and the more I thought about it, the more I realized that I am just peachy keen happy about being just where I am. As much as I bitch and moan about my weight, I would not trade this body for anybody elses…as much as I groan about what I am going to do with my hair, I wouldn’t exchange being able to feel the rich silky thickness of my hair for anything else. Yeah, I want to be slimmer…but that is just a matter of time. Yes, I want my hair to be longer, but once again, that is just a matter of time. I am actually HAPPY with what I have to work with…and man it’s a wonderful feeling. Happy happy joy joy. That’s really all there is.

*Shakes head* I am so multiplicitious.

Stay Jazzed.

And from the Past

A major side effect of attempting to screw with some one else’s life is that unless you are still close to the person, there is no way to tell just how aggravated you are making them without blowing your cover.

Ah. And then, out of the darkness of the internet, comes a greeting. Hm. This should be fun.


JEH: Hi.
Jazzy: hello.
JEH: How are you?
Jazzy: I’m fine…and you.
JEH: Okay I guess…I miss you
Jazzy: you guess? You miss me?
JEH: yes i miss...1) we haven`t spoken in almost 6 months 2) you mean so much to me that my life feels incomplete with out you in it in someway
Jazzy: Oh. I see.


This is one of those points in life where if I was a witch I would have to clasp the three-fold rule tightly to myself in order to not call something big, ugly and booga boogie down on him.


JEH: do you still not like me?
Jazzy: *laughs* *thinks* Not like you? hm. yes...I suppose you could say that.

And honestly, it’s the truth. I don’t like him, and I don’t not like him either. I just want something from him that he will never be able to give me, and that is a pass to the past so that the events and episodes of the period from February to April of this year would just fade away. But since I can’t have that…I just have a bitterness and anger at the rift that was brought on by my stupidity and his betrayal.


JEH: i am sorry...i guess i thought time would heal the rift between us
Jazzy: time? yes...enough time will heal the rift...but considering the fact that we might have had a week old baby right now doesn't make this quite the right time...


Too harsh? No… maybe I am trying to shift some of the pain that I feel from me and onto him. It was my choice, and I cold have chosen to have a week old child right now. But I chose not to, largely because I didn’t want to have a child without a father. I can live with that, and I am living with that knowledge every day. Maybe that is really what I want…just to know that once a week…once every few months…that he thinks about what could have been, and what he lost, and feels some pain.


JEH: I see.
Jazzy: Do you?


Maybe I’m being to hard…trying to hurt him. Actually, yeah I am. I want him to curl up and cry some nights because of loss, and back-stabbing and feeling like something that he thought was solid and forever turns out to be a situation of convenience.


JEH: there seems to be nothing i can say or do to reconcile this matter with you, i wish i had the right answers but i don`t
Jazzy: hm. I don't think there is a 'right' answer. From the moment that you decided you were not 'ready' to handle me being pregnant, to the moment that you 'overslept'...there was nothing that could be done to make things 'right' between us. A line was crossed that can't be un-crossed, and I don't think it can even be re-drawn. yeah. I'm still bitter as hell. Not about the abortion itself...because I made that choice...and I didn't HAVE to choose it. I'm bitter because the man that I thought was my best friend turned out to be such a scrub when something important came up.


Really…I don’t think I ever asked for too much. All I ever really wanted was someone who I could DEPEND on...through thick and thin, through all that mattered and some stuff that didn’t. Maybe I was looking for a husband in a friend…or is dependability a required quality in a friend or a lover? And what are the rules when the friend is a lover, and yet there is no ‘real’ relationship there? I know there is nothing he can say, because the only thing that can be expressed in words is sorry…and really, sorry ain’t shit. Do? Hm. The problem has not been what he has done, but more what he did not do.


JEH: ok, i am still not ready to handle you being pregnant, and though it sounds lame i did oversleep. i never had a reason to lie to you or deceive you before i won`t create such nonsense now. nor will i give you some false since of security that i cannot back up. and if all this makes me a scrub then so be it.
Jazzy: I never thought that you lied to me...or decieved me really. The false sense of security? *shrugs* I guess that is where what you were offering and what I thought you were offering got blurred. Seems like I remember a man who said he was my best friend and would do anything for me...then something big and scary and life changing came up...and POOF! you were gone. But it was never really stated in words was it? It was just sort of implied by our relationship...
*sighs*
so I guess really...when it all comes down to the line...it's my fault hm? I should have known that when it comes to doing ‘anything’ for a person...that it only counts as long as it is something easy. See... I always thought that what we had went WAYYY beyond just the easy.. and I and sad and hurt and bitter as fuck to find out that I was wrong.


Ugh. Thank god I’m at work so I can’t sit here and cry like I want to. That is what it really all boils down to…I’m mad because I got took…I got pulled into a state of security and thought we had it all together and then BAM! The rain started and he was no where to be found.

JEH: now that is not entirely true. i know this was big. and every morning i wake up questioning myself on whether or not the decision that was made was the right one. i have looked at this from both sides as best as possible. and i when i finally come to up with something i feel like shit. why should i feel this way when i my heart and mind tell me that that right thing was done. but one thing still bothers me, why would you not marry me?
Jazzy: Because as much as I loved you, I would have been marrying you to hold on to you to insure that my child would have a father, and not because I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you…and that would not have been fair to either one of us. Besides all that…if you were not ready to be a father, not even that…but ready to deal with the idea that you were going to be a father…how is god’s good name would you have magically matured into someone who could be a good husband?


Ah…that one came out of left field. I remember telling him that he was not to ask me to marry him just because I was pregnant…if he wasn’t going to ask me to marry him before that, I’d be damned if I would marry him ‘just because’. *sighs* Besides…I would have killed him in a matter of months. *sighs*


JEH: I know the subject matter between us is not the best of things right now, but talking to you has lifted my spirits. I have to get back to campus for classes. I am not running out on this. I would like to continue to talk to you about this. Is it ok if I can call you?
Jazzy: Um. *sighs* Yeah. I guess so. I am not going to be able to talk at work, and I won't be home for most of the next two weeks (except for the weekends)...so maybe emails or on here would be better. You can try to catch me...***-***-****


ARGH! What possessed me to do that? *sighs* I don’t know…maybe deep deep deep inside I want to forgive? Maybe I need to forgive in order to let go and move on? Maybe the big bad karma patrol is going to hem my ass up if I don’t? *sighs* Maybe I just want to give the past a chance to finally lay its head down and rest…or die depending on how you want to look at it.

Stay Jazzed.

Popping In

Out of the damn workshop/torture session I have been in all week, wanted to note down some thngs really quickly.

*Chef may actually force me to open up more than I ever have before. I'm not sure whether to be scared or happy.
* I am broke...again. Hopefully I will have a second job in a month though, and it won't be quite so bad.
* My mommy came, and left, and we had lots of fun, and I spent too much money, which is why I am broke.
* My period is almost a week late, BUT...I'm not pregnant. I am going to make an appointment with the OB/GYN next week to figure out what kind of secondary birth control will be best. I am considering getting a diaphram. However, I was really freaked out for a while there
* I want to start taking pictures again. How many times have I said that?
* I have GOT to lose some weight. Exercise calls me.


Well... That's it for now... I have been going through most of my favorites, leaving notes here and there. *sighs* Back to work...

A Fairy Tale for the Assertive Woman of the 90's

Borrowed from Cultured Pearl
Once upon a time, in a land far away, a beautiful, independent, self assured princess happened upon a frog as she sat, contemplating ecological issues on the shores of an unpolluted pond in a verdant meadow near her castle. The frog hopped into the princess' lap and said, "Elegant Lady, I was once a handsome prince, until an evil witch cast a spell upon me. One kiss from you, however, and I will turn back into the dapper, young prince that I am and then, my sweet, we can marry and setup housekeeping in yon castle with my mother, where you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children, and forever feel grateful and happy doing so." That night, as the princess dined sumptously on a repast of lightly sauteed frog legs seasoned in a white wine and onion cream sauce, she chuckled to herself and thought, "I don't fucking think so."

Still Motion

I don’t know how aggressive to be in my life. I don’t know where I should draw the line in my work, social or love life. Where is the point when it is no longer ‘being nice’ and ‘getting along’ and turns into me being a silent doormat? I have hard time drawing limits in my life, because I don’t want my intentions to be perceived wrong, and silence can be perceived as so many things to different people. *sigh* Sense? No… okay.. two situations:
1) work. I am going CRAZY…. And I am really unsure of how aggressive I can be. I am learning, slowly slowly slowly, but I KNOW that my skills and my intelligence are not being used or taxed to their fullest. Is it appropriate for me to just roll to my boss and basically say: Hey! I’m bored shitless. Either give me something to do or let me go somewhere else. *sighs*
2) Chef. I know that his job makes him keep some odd ass hours, but…a call every once in a while during his ‘morning’ isn’t really too much to ask is it? I don’t want to be the one forever calling up ‘just to see what’s up’. I don’t want to start making correlation’s and assumptions, but occasionally I feel like my middle name should be ‘Best Western – We keep the light burning for you’ and he calls me to make a reservation. UGH. Why do I always feel like I am being used.. whether it is true or not?

Then… Oh m’godness, I love my momma to death but sometimes I just wanna… SCREAM! I so understand that JJ & MJ song now.

And then… I don’t know how to talk. I know that I am blunt, and when it comes all up to my feelings I am sensitive as FUCK….but UGH!

The general aura of evverything I do is a state of limbo’d confusion. I don’t know what to do or when to do it or how to do it and so I sit in one place and rock and mutter to myself. ARRGGHHH… I am so tired of being still but I am scared to move in any direction because it might be the wrong one, but I know that not moving at all is most definitely the wrong thing to do so I bounce back and forth between manic activity that leads me in circles and a frozen deer-in-the-headlights kind of stillness. AHHHHH!

*deep breath* Maybe yoga?

Stay Jazzed.

Getting Nosy

Okay, I’m gonna go crazy. It’s only 12:20pm, I have finished all of my work for the day (for the WEEK) and no-one is writing on OD. Bored bored bored….also I see no good surveys. I was going to steal another one from Sex in the City but…not feeling girly enough to do it. I am however, feeling totally in LOVE with………my hair. It is so soft and silky and shiny and twisty that I just can’t keep my hands out of it. My hair has never stayed THIS gorgeous for so long. The only problem is that I really need to wash it, and I’m not sure if it will stay as lovely after I put this nasty nasty hard water in my hair. *sighs* Ah well, the things we go through for beauty. I think I may have found my ‘scent’. I have been looking for a perfume that will fit me, but as I don’t really like the whole ‘perfumy’ smell that they have, I thought I was screwed. Then, I went to Garden Botanika, and found out that they can make perfumes from oils that they have, CUSTOM designed. And it only cost’s 20 bucks for a big old bottle of perfume that you can get lotion, shower gel, and a whole host of other stuff to go with it. I have already figured out what my high and low notes will be, and I got some lotion and shower gel made up with that smell. I like it, but I need to find a suitable middle note and then I am going to go hog wild. I even have a name for it…Desert Rose. : ) yes… like the sting song. Hmm… that was a fun hour or so wasted hunting down information about perfume. Come to find out I was mistaken. I have my middle/heart and my base note, I don’t have a top note. Hmm… this is going to be interesting.
Hm. In other news, I am quite upset with Mr. Chef. Maybe it’s a man thing, but he has called me not once since my mommy has been here. *sucks teeth* and yes, I did call him…but he never seems to be home *raised eyebrow* No… I shan’t get curious…it’s just odd thas all. Back to the world of smell.

Do any of you folx have a fragrance that you would feel naked without?


Stay Jazzed.

I'm BORED...okay?

Shamelessly stolen from Sex in the City

VITAL STATISTICS

Open Diary Screen Name: Jazzybelle
How did you come up with this name?: Ummm…a mixture of OutKast and feeling sexually free.
Starsign: The hard-headed capricorn
How Many Brothers/Sisters Do You Have?: None. At least by blood. I have a younger brother and sister that I ‘adopted’ and I have a half-sister (my father’s daughter)
Marital Status: Single.
Did Your Parents Name You After Anybody?: No…though my middle name came from a song.
Natural Hair Color: dark brown with really redd highlights
Eye Color: dark brown
FAVORITES
Food: ummm….Smartfood Cheese popcorn
Non-Alcoholic Beverage: Fresca Citrus Soda
Book Of All Time: The Tokiado Road by Lucia St. Clair Robson (long name ain’t it?)
Song: Everything must change (Oleta Adams) vs. Everything Happens for a Reason (Zhane)
Male Singer: D’angelo
Female Singer: Janet! Janet! Janet!
Store: Where shall I begin?? Ummmm Pier 1, Value City (yes I’m a cheapie)
CD You Own: Only one?! Ummm….Bitter by Meshell N’degechello
Place To Visit: Egypt (one day…)
Family Member: my MUMMY!
Musical Artist(s): hmm…as of right now the Jazzyfatnastees.
Fragrance: My custom smell: Desert Rose
Color: Blue and Silver
Article of Clothing: My saris
Memory: Don’t have one…life have given me so much.
TV Show(s): *blushes* ummm lately? WWF… *sighs*
Line From A Song: Everything must channnnnggggggeeeee
Animal: Purr-Meow…Cats of course!!
Sport: For simple drool appeal? Football… all them big burly men running and jumping*sighs & rolls eyes in delight*
Friend: hmm…have to be Nee-Nee
Movie: The Fifth Element
RANDOM QUESTIONS
You Have Any Power In The World For A Day- What Would It Be?: Read minds/sense emotions
Name Five Words To Describe Yourself: Intuitive-Sensual-Calm-Intelligent-Blunt
HAVE YOU EVER....
Cheated On A Test?: *giggles* Yup
Been To A Foreign Country?: Does Canada count??
Been In Love: I think so….
Been To A Wedding: Nope.
Been skinny-dipping?: Yup… my first time this summer
Given Away Something You Really Loved To Make Somebody Happy: Nope.
Been In Trouble With The Law?: *grins* I’ve never been caught and that is the story I’m sticking to.
Hurt Someone Intentionally?: Yes. I'm evil

Wednesday Monday Blahs

Hello, Beautiful People!! I’ve been off in the land of Mommy-ness for a while now…didn’t really feel like I had any time off of work as I haven’t had a single lay-in-bed-all-day day…and of course not a single snuggle-session with Chef. *sighs* Anyhow…. I am enjoying having her here, although I have been spending way way wayyyyy too much danngone money.

Anywho… I’m back at work, checking up on all of my email & favorites…I swear, when I leave for Christmas break it is going to take me a WEEK just to catch up on everyone. 51. That’s how many people lives I poke into on a daily basis (or on a how often they write basis), but either way.. I feel like I know so many people…that I DON’T know. It always makes me smile to read one favorite, and see a note left by another favorite, who has a note from another. Sometimes I find new people through my other favorites, sometimes I randomly hop to them, and other times I see a bit of writing on the main page that just drags me into their diary. So, after missing 5 days, I had plenty to read.

And what’s up with this election stuff? Talk about MADNESS….It looks like Gore will win according to popular vote, but that damn Electoral College in Florida is still out. *rolls eyes* Madness I tell you…
Ugh. I’m blabbing.

Stay Jazzed.

Brief Note in Time

Funny, I am no longer all torn up about having an abortion, and lately I have been able to look at babies and young children as just that…someone else’s kids. The time has truly flown, because I would be due in two days. If I was actually still pregnant I’m sure it wouldn’t feel the same, and god knows I most likely wouldn’t be here.
I’m here though, and so far I am liking it. I have been drifting on the web lately (boredom) and reading pregnancy journals and all that sort of stuff, and I just realized today how close it would have been. I honestly believe that I will be a simply wonderful mother, and I think I will have loads of children.
For some odd reason, I think that I will be one of those women who enjoy their pregnancy to the fullest…but I want to be simply and unabashedly joyful when I find out the next time. Anyhow, my mommy is flying in tonight. I can’t wait until she gets here…we are going to have loads of fun.
Stay Jazzed

The Stars Have It...

Jazzy's behavior as a partner

Sun in Capricorn for jazzy
Jazzy probably has trouble expressing her feelings. She is an introvert who has a kind of defiance for the world around her. She fears her own feelings, because they are unpredictable and unreliable. In her quest to be a part of something, she has a tendency to formalize everything, to give it shape. She is immovable toward her theories and ideologies, and she likes to study things in depth. Finding the solutions to difficult problems gives her great satisfaction. Jazzy is perseverant and frugal, self-disciplined and pragmatic, and capable of accomplishing great things. Behind her cold attitude is someone very sensitive, and tender hearted; someone who is hungry for passion. But it is hard for her to express her emotions, because, for her, they are not rational. Her incredible patience and self-control allow her to endure restrictions and frustrations that, at least for most of us, would be unbearable. In her relationships with men, she often plays the role of the older sister, as she takes it upon herself to take care of them, and build a stable and happy home for them.

Moon in Scorpio for jazzy
jazzy has a strong animal magnetism about her. She seeks out experiences rich in emotion, yet, curiously enough, she controls her emotions and keeps her feelings inside her. Her more instinctive side sometimes makes her a very jealous and possessive person. She can actually become very aggressive in certain circumstances. Her powerful sensuality gives sex an important role in her life. Her personal life, and her relationships with men can often be difficult for her to handle.

Influence of sun and moon on jazzy
jazzy comes off as a cold and inhibited person, when inside her, she is destabilized by powerful and destructive passions. Because of this, her love life will not be simple. She is much more comfortable in her professional life, because her strong ambition gives her the opportunity to dream. She tends to scare a lot of men with her hard, demanding attitude. She needs to finally admit to herself that her feelings are not just going to go away, and that no matter how successful she is, she will never be totally happy until she has come to terms with her feminine side.

Venus in Pisces for jazzy
jazzy is an intensely sensitive person with a profound compassion for others. She is always ready to sacrifice herself for others, or to come to the rescue for a friend. Yet, she is both romantic and idealistic, and often lacks discernment in her decisions about her love life. She is both confused and evasive when it comes to expressing her feelings clearly. However, she is ready to devote herself to the person she loves... Sometimes she even loses herself in him.

Mars in Capricorn for jazzy
jazzy is constantly concerned with her own personal efficiency. She likes to finish everything she starts. She will use any means possible to get things done, no matter how long it takes. However, her cold, hard attitude often causes problems in her personal life. People often misinterpret her, even though she does keep her emotions under strict control. In fact, jazzy has a hard time expressing her feelings and affection. Her fear of being misjudged, or unappreciated inhibits her emotional impulses.


Chef's behavior as a partner

sun in Aquarius for chef
chef is generally seen as an idealist. He believes that human beings need to break with the status quo in order to evolve. He is an eccentric and an individualist whose unconventional attitude makes him a rebel toward any kind of authority. The hope for a "new life" is at the basis of all his motivations. He seems to love to be with people, and his friendships are what are most important to him. Although he is a very warm and altruistic person, if a relationship no longer satisfies him, he can become the coldest, most detached person on earth. His reason controls and protects his emotions. His sometimes-impersonal behavior points to a great fear of commitment. On the outside, he is relatively unemotional. On the inside, his musings and fantasies abound! He is a lover, who is in love with love!

Moon in Aries for chef
chef is a real live wire. His feverish personality makes him come off as a rather abrupt person. He is in constant motion, pushed along by a kind of unconscious insecurity. He cannot bear to be inactive; he is always looking for something to excite his interest. Chef reacts to people and situations very personally depending on the kind mood he is in. He considers himself a man in charge, perfect for a career in sports or in business. In general, he is audacious and impulsive. His family or personal life generally tends to take a backseat to his insatiable desire for freedom. This is something he should think about.

Influence of sun and moon on chef
chef is a high-spirited person who hates to be tied-down. He seems to reject any kind of love in his life, so that he can devote his life to his work. However, if chef manages to find a headstrong woman like him, who shares his ideals and career goals, and respects his independence, they could live very happily ever after.

Venus in Pisces for chef
chef is an intensely sensitive person with a profound compassion for others. He is always ready to sacrifice himself for others, or to come to their rescue. He is both romantic and idealistic and often lacks the ability to make the right decisions in his love life. He is unable to express his feelings clearly. However, he is capable of giving himself entirely to the person he loves. Chef will love his partner unconditionally and with utter devotion. He should be careful not to lose touch with himself...

Mars in Capricorn for chef
chef is constantly concerned with his own efficiency. He likes to finish everything he starts. He will use any means possible to get things done, no matter how long it takes. However, his cold, hard fighter's attitude often causes problems in his personal life. People often misinterpret him, even though he does keep his emotions under control. In fact, chef has a hard time expressing his feelings and affection. His fear of being misjudged, or unappreciated inhibit his emotional urges


The Two Together

the sun in your birth chart is in a positive, angular relationship with the moon in chef's birth chart. Your somewhat subconscious image of the ideal masculine partner is awoken by chef. It thrives in wholeness and perfect harmony with chef's own subconscious image of the ideal woman. This exchange between the deepest, innermost recesses of your psyches explains your high degree of psychological compatibility.

Planet Venus in your birth chart is in a positive, angular relationship with planet mars in chef's birth chart. Chef's image brings out your own subconscious image of the ideal masculine partner. In your contact with chef, you find a kind of unexplainable harmony and wholeness. For his part, chef discovers in you the personification of an image of woman that he had never even dreamed of. This positive relationship, between one "sexual subconscious" to another, gives an aura of mystery and secrecy to your sexual relations.

The sun in your birth chart is in a negative, angular relationship with Saturn in chef's birth chart. Saturn represents both reality and the father figure, and it is the planet that presides over our personal growth through out the ups and downs of life. These two planets, your sun and chef's Saturn, have a tense relationship to each other, and are usually indicative of disagreement and difficulty in a relationship. In your relationship, chef sometimes represents the strict, moralist father figure. He seems to denigrate your ideas and hinder you in your personal projects. Other times, he is a solid partner you can count on; who guides you and protects you from yourself.
However, if your character is not fully matured, it's safe to say you will see him as a father figure, at least most of the time. In this case, you may feel as if his intervention in your life is extremely limiting to you. You feel as if he refuses to give you the warmth and comfort you need. He seems to show an incredible amount of pessimism and stubborn negativity, when it comes to anything you decide to do. Because of your continual frustration with this situation, you may even hide from him the things you care about most. If you are not careful, the communication between you will be reduced to a bare minimum. However, if your character is already well developed, you will use chef's remarks to compliment your own ideas and visions on life and living.

This is what happens when I have too much free time at work. I was considering making this private, but hey...everybody can see how much of a goof I am being.

Stay Jazzed & tuned in for another entry about 'us'

Death (the short blurry version)

Ugh. I want to be surrounded by intelligence & inspiration, not doom & gloom. *sighs* Mood swings! Hello… I really really hate these things. And I don’t wanna be moody when my momma gets here, that would just ruin the whole week. Anyhow…this line from a song keeps looping through my head ‘ What if God was one of us??’. I don’t know who sings it, but it is going to drive me batttyyyyy.

Hm. Something else I have been thinking about for a while. There is so much advice on how to live longer…but so little advice on how to live better. I mean we are ALLL going to die right? No matter what we do in this life, we are going to die. That is really all there is to it. So instead of trying to drag out a life that is not as full of joy & pleasure as possible, maybe people should focus on making the time they have better. People get sick and ask the doctor “Am I going to die?” and the doctor lies and says “Of course not.” TELL THE TRUTH! OF course you are going to die, we all die…the important part is to fill the life you have with life.

*sighs* I am making no sense here… I feel like my head is going in eight different directions at once, and all of them are screaming sleep! sleep! sleep! yeech.


Stay jazzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz*wakes up*ed

Rehashing Politics

I went to get my nails done on Monday, while I was feeling about as uncute as is possible, and I got about three or four compliments, along with a whole host of appreciative looks. Mind you, I was fully dressed, (long pants, tunic length long sleeved loose sweater) and my hair was certainly doing its own thing. Then, later that night, Chef told me that I was simply beautiful. *sighs* I gave him the classic, ‘oh thanks for telling me such a lovely thing even though it is only marginally true’ look, but managed to say thank you. As I was walking home last night, I thought about why I can’t really accept that fact that I am…beautiful.

So, I decided to just off-the-cuff, describe myself as I feel that others most likely see me. This is what I came up with: Short, fat, with enchanting eyes and a sexy smile, bodacious boobs, lovely legs and an abundant ass, short reddish brown hair, with a stroll that would put some models to shame. That sounds like a pretty hot and tempting package to me, without even including the LOVELY personality and high intelligence and independent spirit. *sighs* I refuse to repeat the whole issue again. I won’t. But it’s interesting. It’s sad when you get tired of rehashing the same damn issue with yourself. *sighs*

*sighs* Election Day is coming up. I have read more stories and entries and news articles about who to vote for and who not to vote for than I really have wanted to. To me, all politicians are liars. You have to be, in order to please even a small portion of the people who you want to vote for you. And once you get elected, you conveniently forget about most of the lies you told. So, I tend to vote for the person who tells me the lies that I want to hear, and afterwards, just hope that they don’t screw me over too badly.

Blagh. Quite depressed now. Will go and eat more candy. No I won’t. will go and drink some nice tea. *sighs*

Stay Jazzed.