Nano Survey (cuz, Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!)

Look everybody, it’s a NaNoWriMo survey! Stolen from the everso fabulousTemmykins!

What’s your NaNoWriMo screenname? MindOfKiya - because it just sounded right
Why did you decide to do NaNoWriMo? Because I'm insane, obviously. Isn't that why anyone does this? But no, really - I'm doing it to see if I can.
Have you outlined your book’s plot? Plot? What is this thing you call a plot? Hmmm?
What genre will your book most likely fit into? Insane babblings....seriously. I've been having dreams lately, and whhhhooooohooo. While my intial thoughts were a mystery, um....well. Let's just say it's - getting interesting.
What’s the title of your book? Title?? What is this thing you call a title??? Hmmm??
What music will you listen to when you write? Instrumentals usually - oohhh. I need to put together an iPod playlist for Nano!! I get distracted if there are words... ohh butterfly.....
What’s in your NaNoWriMo survival kit? Large amounts of instant sleep, a computer, pens, paper, cloves (if I was still smoking), a thesarus and a dream journal. Hey, if Stephen King can do it, why can't I??
How many writing buddies do you have? 10? 11?
Do you honestly think you’ll win NaNoWriMo by writing 50,000 words in a month or less? Ummm....the only RIGHT answer is yes. A better question would be - will I still be SANE by December 1st?
Do you have any tips for fellow Nanos? DON'T REREAD YOUR WORK UNTIL IT'S DONE!! Esp. if you are an editing freak like me, because you will lose more time rewriting than you will writing. Keep notes of maor plot arcs, and be willing to scrap them in a second for a really FUNNY idea. Warn your family and loved ones that you will be walking around in a muttering, heavylidded stupor that only raises when you are in front of a computer - and TALK to the other Nanos - we'll keep each other sane.
Make a NaNoWriMo pledge here and now in front of all these witnesses. I pledge to write 2000 words a day - words that fit into a sentence structure (unless it's mad crazy dialouge) - words that are in English (unless you know, their Martians or something) words that - words that make me laugh - even if it's in that 'Oh my god, what was I SMOKING???!!?!??' sort of way. Cross my heart and hope to win.

Okay, okay, so I STILL haven't done the photo journal - but at least I've gathered together quite a few pictures of my hair - I'll have to put them up on Flickr, and put together a journal at some point.

I went and reread, and it's been exactly a month since I did my last henna....and I'm not going to do another one until....the middle of November, I think... that should be about right.

I'm wearing my hair in two flat twists down both sides of my head - and it's Meh. My hair isn't quite long enough to be pulled into the style HAPPILY - and it's thin in some spots where the shorter hairs give up the ghost, but - it's a satisfatory quickstyle. I think I like the 3 twist version more though.

Um....gah. There was something else hair-related I wanted to write about, but a sudden wave of the 'must sleeps' hit me, and it flew right out of my widdle head.

*strokes hair*

It's definitely growing - slowly, slowly (see, this is why I wanted to put my hair up over the winter - if I get a 1/2 inch of growth between now and spring, I'll be pleased!!), but not fast enough!! AHHHH!!

Okay. I can be patient, I really can.

Notes for [Nano]

• "It was thought if a black cat jumped over a corpse, the corpse would
  turn into a vampire and the only way to prevent that from happening
  was to kill the cat. However, since it was also considered bad luck
  to kill a cat, people realized they needed to lock away the dead
  bodies so a cat couldn't find them. This is how the first stone crypts
  came to be built underneath churches."
• 
  It listed a whole bunch of different ways one could become a vampire (desperately trying to find it now). One of such ways was to sleep with your grandmother.

Wealth.....

I woke up at 9:45 this morning, delightin in the feeling of sleeping luxuriously late...and realized once I got downstairs that it was actually 8:45 - and I felt as if I had a wealth of time.

I puttered around the house, doing my hair, cleaning the kitchen, building (or at least getting a damn good start on) a compost bin - and I felt as if I had a wealth of comfort in my home.

I cooked, stirring the sauce and the veggies and the meat, and set them aside, waiting for the ricotta that hubby is bringng home to be turned into a rich, meaty, juicy lasagna, and as I grazed through the fridge and the cupboard for dessert ideas, and I felt as if I had a wealth of food.

I watched 'Minature Earth' yesterday, I think it was... and one line caught my eye.

"If you have a fridge, and food to put in it....if you have a closet, and clothes to hang in it....if you have a bed, and a roof to go over it - you are amoung the richest 5% of people in the world...."

No matter how 'tight' things may appear to be - I am SO blessed, so wealthy, so loved, so fullof joy that sometimes I have to really sit down, and enjoy it - enjoy it with AWARENESS - the bliss of being rich.....and the comfort of being loved.

*hugsforeveryone*

Yes. It's been sunny for the last two days, and I've spent as much time out in the sun as I could, and MY!! That was just the medicine my spirit needed.

So.... I realized last night that I can redo my hair - WITHOUT having to comb through it. How brilliant!! So - I redid my hair last night - I'm getting better at this - esp since I did it WITHOUT combing it out to stretch all the little bits out... quite pleased.

But, asI was looking at my hair, standing all wild around my head, I realized that it's high time for another trim - my ends are starting to look very piecey and chunky and generally unhappy. But! I've been holding off because I wanted to trim with moontimes, and I kept forgetting to go and look and see when was a good time for a trim, so I haven't done one since - sheeeesh, I need to look back - it's been at least two months. And I've decided that I want to do regular trims until all of the dye is gone - I really don't want to grow out this poor damaged stuff.

Anyhow! Found a website - and *sigh* it looks like I'll be waiting ANOTHER two months to give myself a trim - Dec. 20, 2006 is the next best date - I JUST missed out on this month, but with the whole housewarming and all - ugh. Hair cutting was the last thing on my mind. So! That's that!

Also - I've noticed that on my 'short side' I barely have ANY dyed hair - it's almost all browken off... *poutpout* *strokestroke* But it's long enough to fit into my hairstyle (when wet and stretched and not meddled with - if I don't do any of those things, I just tuck it in with a bobby pin (I need to get more accesories)), and I suspect that it's actually the STRONGEST hair (once I stopped doing dreadful things to it like bleaching it). It's actually the MOST interesting hair on my head - stubbornly tightly curled, thick (THICK - and I'm talking density as well as strands) and just generally purty. And naturally, it's also the hair that I play with the most. *le sigh*

Anyhow - really just wanted to note the website, and the hair trimming date, and I really will try to start a photo journal this weekend... .Really.

REALLY!

Sheesh.

*LOL*

Can I blame it on the rain???

Yeahhh, yeaah.

So. Despite wearing pretty clothes and having pretty hair and it being Friday and getting paid next week and having an idea for Nano and having gotten a full 9 hours of sleep and having a rockin ass sammich waiting on me for lunch and having had a yummy stick to your gutly-type bowl of oatmeal for breaksfast this morning....

I still want to unhinge my jaw and bite the head off of anyone who even LOOKS at me odd....and they don't even have to be doing anything stupid. I feel like my grip on - normal human pleasantry is swirling, swirling down the drain and even people who are right and perfect and cheerful make me want to spray acidic poison on them. Oh yeah, I'm pleasant.

But I'm trying (very very very) hard to keep it under control, because there's really no reason, and it's not THEIR fault that I've turned into Mrs. Snapping Turtle, and as I walked to the breakroom to get some water and saw the clouds breaking and a tiny bit of sun I thought.....

Hey! Maybe I can blame it on the rain. It's been raining for at LEAST three days straight - maybe all week (the days start to blur together, ya know?). And I KNOW how I get in the winter time when I don't get some sun (grumpy, tired, evil, depressed) and maybe, just maybe, this constant rain (on top of my period) has just congealed my heart into a tiny little poisonous rock that glares at puppies and kittens frolicking in the fields (but babies are still cute). So.

I'm blaming it on the rain (yeah, yeah). And I fully plan on being outside, playing in the dirt, building a compost bin, and doing otherwise Vitamin-D creating activites over the (supposedly) sunny weekend, because I'm getting on my OWN nerves now.

*glares at clouds* GO. AWAY.

Thank you.

Um, why am I doing this to myself AGAIN?

See - this is one of the reasons that NaNo makes me want to pull my hair out - I'm always torn between going with the flow and seeing what I sqeeuze out 11/1, versus plotting my ass off, and having a detailed outline BEFORE 11/1.
I've done it both ways before - plotting and no plotting - and I've still never won. The plotted one was fun - it's actually one of the ones that I need to pick back up, but I got so SICK of it (it was pap, really) that I put it down, and have never started back on it, because to do that I'm going to have to read what I wrote, and if I read, I'm going to hae to edit/rewrite, and if I do that - well, the whole damn thing is going to go downhill from there.

And then, there's the fact that I don't even know what GENRE I'm going for this year. I'm done sci/fi twice, chick lit once....and I really don't want to do either this year. I was thinking about going straight for romance (which really would be a bit of cheating, as they are SOOOOO formulaic), or maybe - and this is tugging on me - just maybe, I'll do a mystery. I've never written a mystery - never tried to write one. I'm not a big mystery READER, but I love Law & Order, CSI, New Detectives, Forensic Files, the whole nine. I've got a VAGUE idea of a plot - very vague. No characters, no location (I kinda wanna cheat and work some outside interests into Nano, so that whatever I'm boning up on to write about, I'll actaully need to be using outside Nano - so that'll most likely determine my characters/locations).......

So. The plot I have, I'm almost certain has been used before, but I'm thinking of doing a double twist........

The idea is that Lisa has commited suicide, but framed Jane for her murder, but in reality, Oscar killed Lisa AND framed Jane.... (the names were totally pulled out of my booty, and will NOT actually be used).

*grins* Murder is easy. Means, Motive, Opportunity. I can get creative with the suicide, creative with the levels of twisted motives, and I think I'll start backwards - it's always more fun to start with the dead body, isn't it?

Hmmm - I wonder if that is the plot of the OD Murder Mystery? Dammit...that would suck - though I know where I got the idea from - it was a conversation me & one o mah bois were having about Hiphop - and I said that hiphop was dead... he said that hiphop was murdered by rap - but I was thinking that it was a willing participant in it's own murder - so really, hiphop commited suicide, and let rap take the fall for it. But - in reality - greedy record executives murdered hiphop, and set up rap to take the fall... so - yeah..... music.

Okay..... *wanders off muttering about blunt objects*

Low Tolerance

Is it possible to have POST-menstural syndrome? Or, is my tolerance for idiots, assholes, and stupidity just gone down, once again??

I don't know what it is, but I have been in a 'bite your head off' mood ALLL damn day. Okay, not all day - I was sunshine and light leaving home, and driving to work, but I got here and I feel like the Dark Cloud o'Doom has settled lovingly over my shoulders. And I've eaten (and eaten, god, how sick I am of eating) so it's not like my blood sugar is low. I wish I took a tae-bo class or something, because whoopin some ass sounds like a GOOD idea right now...and I'd LIKE to be somewhat pleasant once I get home, as my husband has one of his rare midweek days off.

Anyhow!

My utterly insane tail has decided to do NaNoWriMo this year - I don't make any promises to the likelihood that I will finish, but meh - at least I'll start. I'm trying to figure out where I'm going to write - I might do private entries here so that I can access my WIP anywhere I am. Maybe. 

ETA: I'm MindOfKiya over on the NaNo side.... so if ya see me, say hi!!! :)

Maybe I'm just tired.

*growl*

So.

I was sitting here tonight, and reading TLHC, and suddenly (no, really?) got the urge to go and play with (and take pictures of) my hair.

I took out my hairstyle, I went and got my hair properly wet so that I could put the conditioner in it, and suddenly got the urge to actually TRY out my Oyin Grand PooBar.
So I hopped out the shower, and grabbed it, and rubbed it in my hair, and - its really interesting, how my hair feels differently based on what I do to it. My hair instantly curled up - I could FEEL that it was curly, which makes me think that once it dries, it'll be more kinky and less wavy - but who knows? Anyhow!

I mixed up some White Rain Apple Blossom, and some of the creme I made, and slapped that on my hair....and I'll leave that in overnight, and see what my hair ends up being like.

I took some pictures and AHHHHHH!!!!! My parts looked roughly the size of the grand canyon, but the texture of my hair was amazingly obvious - and gorgeous! I mean really - it was lovely. The color too was, lovely. It looked more like art than like a picture - and the shine!! Sheewee!! I WILL be starting a photo journal this weekend - I should be able to dig up several different older pictures of my hair from my computer, as well as scan some even OLDER pictures - it'll be fun.

My texture is interesting....I'm still debating whether I want to start taking silica, or if I want to wait until my hair gets longer. I think that as my hair gets longer, the curls will loosen just from the weight, so, I'm not sure that I WANT to take anything that will straighten my hair, but I'm SOOOOOO not the most patient woman, and I want curls NOW, dammit, NOW.

Gah.

G'night.

G'night.

Okay, okay, okay!!!

*hangs head*

I'm finally going to maybe (possibly) get a MySpace account. Maybe. Too many people have one, and dammit, I feel left out.

ARRRGGGHHHH!!

Honestly, I hate the formatting of MySpace - it's - UGLY, to put it simply. And me don't do well with ugly. *sigh* I might have to see if I can make mine prettier.

Maybe.

Maybe. *hangs head* I'm so ashamed - so weak, giving in to the seductive networking lure of MySpace so very easily.

Yet ANOTHER account to play with - and the only one I won't be able to access from work.

Humph.

---

Um, am I allowed to be blinkingly SHOCKED at how....oh man, I can't even finish this, because No, I'm not allowed to be shocked at how dilly some people are.

From the continential United States - how many ways are there to get to Central America? The dilly answer is one.
*please, let none of my favorite be dilly*

---

And - in other news - I'm mildly - twitchy - over the fact that you have to have a passport to LEAVE the country. To get back in, okay - that seems fair enough - but to LEAVE? Why? Hmmmm?

That's my biggest question - why do I need a passport to leave the country? Esp. if the country that I'm going to doesn't care?

Hmmm?

Still on Track.....

More or less.

As always, the eating bit is HARD for me. Hard, Hard, HARD. I try to make good choices, but - Meh. Taint the easiest thing to eat every three hours like I'm supposed to - though, I have to admit, I do tend to get HUNGRY every three hours - my metabolism is starting to ramp up. I usually screw it up over the weekends by eating throughly stupidly, but I'm going to try to get better.

In workout news - PT is still an evil, evil, man - but I'm lifting - weights! Not little girly weights either - my lowest is ten pounds (and I grunt and strain and weep through each rep) and my highest is 35 (which, okay, is still kinda girly, but definitely in the weight 'building' range, not the weight 'toning' range).
I've also found my personal miracle drug - MSM. No next day 'crippled old lady walk' instead it's just a deep achiness. And I know it's not me getting used to the routine because a) EvilMan has been changing it up every week and 2) it works when I do a new routine or go up in weights - which - really, makes things even sweeter, because there aren't really any negative repercussions from working out. Cardio is still a beast (I'm up to 40 minutes!! FORTY!!!) and I need new sneakers pretty darn badly, but otherwise - tis all good.

I can tell I'm still getting smaller - I haven't hopped back on the scale, and I have no clue when he is going to measure us next, but I know that I'm getting smaller. Clothes fit just that LITTLE bit nicer (as I have very few things that really FIT my current size), my face is getting prettier and less piggy looking, and I even have a few tiny muscles (which are still coated with WAAYYY too much fat to really be seen).

I skipped lifting on Friday (I had errands to run and a VERY busy weekend and I just couldn't AFFORD to be sore - excuses, I know - but it's the first time I've missed a weekly workout since we started, and I'm looking FORWARD to getting int there tonight (DESPITE the fact that I'm period-achy, and really just wana go home and go to SLEEP), so no harm, no foul), but I am going to fully rock the casbah tonight.

Okay - with that out of the way.... things that I am going to do better.

1) Complete a full lifting cycle - I normally haven't really been able to finish a WHOLE new routine within the first week, so tonight, I'm expecting to do all my reps.

2) Get more protien in - I'm going to start having a shake as SOON as I hit the door at home at night, and once I get paid, I will be getting some vanilla/unflavored protien powder to fix in with my oatmeal in the morning.

3) Get in more water - I've been slacking on that lately - not drinking my usual 3-4 42oz cups a day - usually maxing out at about two - at least at work. I usually drink another 1/2 liter on my way home after working out/at home......that's a little over a half gallon, so that's not TOO bad, but not as good as I could be.

Sweet jesu, I'm SO glad that's over.

So, this weekend was our housewarming, and after all of the running, running, go, go, going of the last week - I'm just so THRILLED to be done with it all, RALLY I am.

Anyhow! Hair type stuff.

I'm still in love with my hairdo, despite the fact that I need a good bit more practice before I'm really comfy rocking it.

I've 'tweaked' the gel a bit by doubling it with half palm oil/half shea butter and dumping the last of the ACS oil in it. It's now a semi-solid that dissolves in my hands into a smooth yet thick creme almost (not greasy at all). I've been using it on my post conditioner hair - I think I may have found/made the perfect leave-in!! And of course, since my hair is all 'put-away' anyhow, I'm really just trying to keep it moisturized enough that it won't get OVERdried out during the two days that it's 'put-up'. Then, I condition, detangle, and put it back up - I think that I might stick with this routine for a WHILE - definitely all through the winter at the least - and as I get better at parts/flat twists, I'll most likely start experimenting with doing then in different 'designs' so to speak.

It's been three weeks now (four, this weekend I think) and I'm itching to use up the last bit of my henna. *hangs head* I know, I know - but I miss my henna!! I haven't made the CASH oil - that might happen this weekend. I'm also considering only hennaing my TIPS, since that's the area that 1) actaully TAKES the dye and 2) actually NEEDS the protection that henna gives. I'm going to try to hold out for a full 6 weeks though.

My hair FEELS wonderful though - strong and smooth from root almost to the end. As I stroke strands of hair, I can feel the difference between my virgin hair and my tips - my tips feel 'wrinkled' while the rest of the strands feels freshly pressed. I would LOVE to get my hands on a super strong microscope and take a gander at my hair.

I'm shedding like a molting butterfly - I'm not the least bit suprised, considering that I go into 'downmode' alltogether once it starts to get chilly. My plan is to get into a really GOOD routine, pattern, habits over the winter, so that when the warm weather comes and my body goes back into 'awake' mode, it will have already been 'trained' to know that it will have all of the building blocks it needs - to make muscle AND to make hair.

I'm still all over the supplements - MSM, O369, Biotin - I'm taking 4000mcg of the biotin, 3600mg of the O369, and some stupid amount of MSM - I love the stuff, not just for my hair, but because when I work out - it makes the soreness and achiness GO AWAY. *swoons* I'll take this stuff for the rest of my LIFE for that reason. The one thing (both for my overall health and my hair health) that I KNOW I'm not up to point with is the amount of protien I'm eating - I'm not getting in NEARLY enough. At some point this week, I plan on going to get a thing of vanilla flavored protien powder, that I can mix in with my oatmeal in the morning....and I'm considering a daily evening shake since I have the other container of PP sitting at home. That way, I know that I'm getting at LEAST an extra 40-60g of protien a day...on top of the amount I'm getting from real food (which is most likey about another 50-60g). *nods* I'll start taking the evening shakes tonight - that should help until I can get the powder for the oatmeal - I've never liked 'chocolate' breakfast cereals.

And - YAY!! I got a camera (finally) so I will start to take progress pictures. How exactly that is going to work, I'm not sure, considering how curly my hair is. I think that I will take mushroom pictures (haircombed out flat from the crown of my head) every month, so I can keep track of the length changes. I'm going to take pictures of the right AND left sides, because of my 'patch' on the left side - I really think it's breaking/shorter simply because of the different texture. I've been loving on it a little more - making sure it gets first dabs of conditioner and leave-in, and combing it especially gentle. THough! I must admit - and I lay all of this at the feet of citric acid - my hair has not been NEARLY as tangly as it was before. It could be the regular moisturizing as well.... And it's either SERIOUSLY releasing curl, or my hair is growing like a mad thing - my hair in the back is fully toching my back now - I have a VERY definite V shape, but it's full and not scraggly looking, so I'm happy with it. I might even start a *gasp* photo journal. That would rock!

I think I have little baby hairs popping up - but I'm not sure if they are babies or if they are the last holdouts from a horribly broken off strand. I think that they are babies jsut because there are so MANY of them. Anytime I touch my parts, there are all of these tiny, fine little hairs that aren't nearly long enough to actually get caught in the hair style. I really HOPE that they are new hairs growing in - maybe by the time my hair is long enough for a ponytail, they'll be long enough to really contribute to my thickness measurement.

Babies.

I just watched an episode of Dave Chappelle, where he was talking about his son living in his balls. I know, I know, but it's DAVE.

Any how - that got me to thinking.....

Any babies that I have - they have been living in ME since I was born. I mean - my eggs, and my ovaries, are as old as I am, and .......

Damn.

Does that mean that my babies (subconsciously) have absorbed everything that I've EVER been involved in/felt/loved/hated?

I mean - waaaay before conception - my babies have been a part of me.

And I'm writing this, the day that (much to my relief) I figured out (38 days into my normally 28/30 day cycle) that I'm not pregnant (Goddess's bless the bleeding! Why - WHY - would any woman want to give UP her period? Sweet Jesu, I would think that I was knocked up 24/7 - NOT pleasant. NOT the pleasant. Stressful as FUCK (can I use that word in my entries, as I can't use it in my notes??) really. ).

So. Anyhow.

I'm Not knocked up. And I'm thinking about my eggs having gone through everything I've gone through. And I'm wondering how conscious my eggs are - how much the idea of a cellular memory is real.

*sigh*

I'm not Bene Gessiret, and I'm NOT a Reverend Mother, and I've NOT taken the Spice and I've NOT Changed and - sheeee.....

Eggs have been living in women for - well, forever. And - okay - yeah, kids have gotten odder (crazier, wilder, angrier, requiring more drugs, more autistic) over the last few years (okay, decades) and I'm wondering..... .

Do the sins of the mother really afflict her children?

What sins have I committed..... that I will have to raise?

I'm - TERRIFIED - of having a wild child. A special needs child. A child that is autistic. A child with Downs Syndrome. And - I know that I'm doing everything 'right'.....

But I'm still fully aware that things can go wrong.

And I'm still totally into the - safety and healthiness and beauty of birth/pregnancy..... but I'm still scared.

Is that aiight?

Or - am I just being a controlfreak of a wuss?

Well.....random burblings after too much wine....

Because see, what it really all boils down to - at least at the start - is what you can get from the other person. That really determines a persons 'friend' worthiness at the start - unless some sort of magic happens.
What am I worth to others? Really not much. I'm occasionally funny, intermittently witty, and sometimes useful - but otherwise - eh, not so much. It takes years for me to become really - vital to someone.
I'm a slow friend - like a slow wine, delightful once I age - but it just takes SO damn long. I often wish I could make myself move faster - but.... that's not me.
I'm still trying to process our housewarming. It was fun - it was.
The turnout was sad (no other word for it) and the people who didn't show up shocked me more than the ones who did. littleone (who I haven't talked about in YEARS) came - and it was wonderful. We sat & reminisced, and I cant' wait to see him again tomorrow. I miss having those sorts of friends - the ones who will fly 1000 miles just to show up at a party of yours. *sigh*
Money helps, as always, but I haven't made those sort of friends since high school. I have to continue to mantra to myself - it's not you, it's them.
But then - it's rather along the lines of dating - if all of your life, you've dated fuckups, then it's NOT them, it's YOU, because YOU are the one constant within all of those relationships.
So, if all of my life, I've never had real friends/real friendships - ones that I can talk to, ones that I can tell my heart to, ones that will come over my house for free food and liquor and fun - maybe.....just maybe, it's NOT them - and it IS me.
But - if it is me, I don't know why. I don't know, I have no clue, what I do - or don't do - to develop the connections that I want to. I've always dreamed of having a large gathering of friends - a house full of people who would talk and laugh and love and be - INTERESTING.
I've always DESIRED a network - a true tribe of people. People who would show up at the hospital when I broke my leg and sign my cast. People who would help me paint my walls. People who I could call and ask if I could borrow their truck to pick up an amazing deal from the thrift store - and they would want me to pick up a matching item for them.
Instead, I seem to have collected a gathering of people who..... Gah. I don't know.
I started my period today (thank god, because I was TERRIFED that I was pregnant (six months too soon) and my back HURTED!!) so maybe that's why I am taking it so - personally. But at the same time, I'm not. I'm - resigned. Relieved it's over. Sad that it wasn't what I wanted it to be. Pleased that it went as well as it did. Reluctant to EVER have another party again.
It's just.... meh. But sweet mother of GODs - I'm SOOOOOO glad that it's over. *evil grin* Now, I can start to focus on the Sacred Women's Healing Circle, and tear apart the kitchen. Mwwwaaahhhahahahaaa!!!!!!!!!!!! *sigh* It's one am, and I'm going to bed. G'night.

*thunk* *thwack* *slapslap*

I still don't have an offical altar - as of today. 

But lately - as in the last two weeks or so, I've been getting firmer and Firmer and FIRMER slaps upside the head that it's HIGH time that I put my altar together.  

The housewarming - which was meh - kicked off some of it.  I'm never sure if it's coencidence or the Gods - but over the last few weeks, I've found  - 
a) 2 god houses
b) a perfect table for my altar (which I was considering making into a sewing table - and within the next TWO days, found TWO other actual sewing cabinets - one WITH a sewing machine still in it)
c) ancestor pictures (my great gramma, and my Nikki)
d) various small bowls/items perfect to hold offerings ( a tiny bowl from the thrift store, as well as the perfect incense holder/incenses from BigLots as well as a symbol for my mother) 
e) figured out altar clothes (both that i had purchased recently, but planned on wearing, and as I looked at them again, realized - HELLO?!?!? altar cloth!) 


And just in general - shit has been coming together in a way that to me says - it's time. Hello? Is anyone listening? It's TIME. 

And it's very scary, because I'm pretty sure that Ma'at was only my introduction (she was bait) and the switch is coming soon, and while I think that I can HANDLE the switch, I'm not sure that I'm READY for the switch. 

But then, I don't think that there has been anything that I REALLY needed (not wanted, but deep, below my own consiousous awarenesss NEEDED - the hands of the gods) that I've been ready for.  I've always appraoched change with a 'toes in the water' type of attitude - and I have always felt like anything moving any faster is basically shoving me into the deep end - no matter how minor. 

I'm being gently nudged towards the deep end now, and I  don't even  have the knowledge to be aware of what the deep end IS. I'm trying (very very very hard) to just relax and assume that whatever the deep end is, I'll learn what I need to know (or be thwacked on the head with the knowledge or discover the knowledge as I do other thins (like the Sacred Womens Healing Circle that is suppsosed to kick off tomorrow) and go with the flow. 

My logical side is saying that the Gods don't work this way (that the Gods are a human creation to allow us to understand and integrate with the All that is - well, it's the ALL.) but my other side - the softer, nesting, gardening, creepily hippy/pagan/amazingly confident/earth grounded/ side - is saying - DUH!!!  The gods are nudging you! Nudging! The Gods DO communicate with everyone that they really want to talk to - not just one dude who shares with everyone else. 

But that makes me feel too special. Too unique. Too much outside of the norm.

And it's scary.
And delightful. 
And different. 
And Wonderful.
And I'm SO not ready. 
But I'm moving on. 

I wonder what kind of stain I should get for the altar?

So, I played this weekend.

I made this mixture:
2/3 cup of honey
1/3 cup of avg
a cup of oil (I'm thinking of using 1/3 shea, 1/3 coconut, and 1/3 palm)
2 tsp of citric acid.

I melted the solid oils, and mixed everything together - then poured it into a glass jar, and let it cool, giving it a healthy shake every now and then to be sure that it would stay together.

I slapped that on my head Friday night (what IS it about AVG that as soon as it hits my hair, it turns into liquid and drip, drip, drips EVERYWHERE???), and then, slapped a regular conditioner + honey on top of it Saturday morning.

Did things, did things, then rinsed my hair out Saturday afternoon, and mixed together some of the goo, plus some HH, plus some ACS oil, plus some African Royale MOM, and put that in my hair (focusing on the ends) and flat twisted them tight.

Sunday, I woke up to take them out - and realized that I had made a REALLY good gel. MAJOR hold. MAJOR hold - I'm thinking there is too much honey in the mixture - man!
So, hopped BACK in the shower, rinsed it out, combed my hair out with some Humectress (I gotta admit, that stuff DOES work nicely when it's used quickly), and then re-moisturized my hair with some HH, and put it into my 'work' style.

Is not being able to make a straight part for ANYTHING a sign of having thick hair? I part, and part, and part, and there is STILL hair in the middle of my parts. *sigh* It might just be the fact that I'm not super used to it yet.

Anyhow - I LIKE the HoneyGoo, but it's TOO hard. So - I'm going to mix some cocoa butter, more shea butter, and a touch of mango butter into it - basically turn it into KCC, and see if that has a WEE bit less hold.

My hair has also DEFINITELY grown longer - I think that I can update my length back to 7 inches! *happy dance* I'm really thrilled by that - I can TELL that it's growing, considering the 2+ inches of roots that I have, but after the trims and my breakage - having additional length is a wonderful, wonderful thing.

So.....another weekend without henna. I don't know what to DO!! I suppose, I could work on the house - really, work on the OUTSIDE of the house, as it's gotten cooler and stuff.
Hairwise, though - I'm going to try a citric acid co-wash, and see if I can wipe out my rough ends all together. I'm also going to make a SMALL batch of the KCC and see what I think. I want to try something super extra triple special deep conditioning/moisturizing... I'm thinking about honey + aloe + ACS oil (can you tell I'm trying to use it all up so I can make some CASH oil and not feeling guilty bout it?)

*sigh*

I want to PLAY. Maybe I'll experiment with a new style.... I don't really LIKE bantu knots (the remind me too much of alien headbumps), and I suppose I could practice my flattwisting (I think that I'm going to make TWO flat twists in the back rather than three - at least while my hair is this short).

I might henna my nails again! The henna is starting to grow out, and I really do like the color on my hands...it matches my skin nicely. Hmmm - that might be fun.

My thighs.......

are rubbing together!!

Okay - normally that is something that women tend to weep and gash their teeth about - but for me, it's a GOOD thing, as they usually just STICK together - there ain't enough room between them to even rub. I was walking through Target a few days ago, and was sweating (damn weather!) and realized - holy shit!! My THIGHS are rubbing together!!

Another exciting thing - my pooch is getting 'floppier' which means there is less fat 'plumping it out, and my skin hasn't quite caught up just yet. And! The nasty little folds over my elbows when I have my arms at my sides are MUCH smaller - almost gone.

I comment on all of this - BEFORE I mention that I got on the scale, and saw that I had gained 6 pounds. Say WHAT??? But then, I thought about how muscle takes up more room than fat, and how new muscle is VERY heavy because it's holding onto water in order to restore itself. So I'm pleased.

My fitness trainer is an evil, evil man, who I appreciate the living hell out of, because I haven't seen results like this in - in ever, really. And I'm challenged to push myself a little futher, and a little harder, as long as it doesn't feel DANGEROUSLY painful - and I'm trying to stretch my limits of what that is.

I still don't like cardio, but - it's a needed thing. It's interesting - I'm starting to suspect that I'm one of those people who can build muscle easily - but who also LOSE it at the drop of a hat. So.... from that..... I've made an inner decision. I'm going to work towards becoming a 'figure' competitor. Yes, I know I'm horribly fat, and overweight, and short - but I'm going to work towards it. The very WORST that could happen is that I'm skinnier (and healtheir and in better shape) than I've ever been in my life. The very best? Who knows.

So. Many things have been going on in the world of hair lately!!

I think I've found a style that I'm actually - *gasp* HAPPY with. It gives me the feeling of long hair, it's protective, it's easy to do (takes less than 1/2 hour) and it's PRETTY. Basically, what I'm going is parting my hair from ear to ear (behind the ear, not on top of it) and then parting the front portion down the middle. Then, I cornrow the front starting at the center of my head and ending with a little 'tail' that fits PERFECTLY behind my ear.
The back, I part into thirds from top to bottom, then make three flat twists, then braid the 'tails' of those together, and tuck them under the middle twist.

It's easy to do, it's VERY secure, I don't have to worry about my hair being blown around, it fits my face WONDERFULLY, it's protective, and it's easy enough to do that I'll be willing to do my hair every other day or so - which will allow me to keep my hair more moisturized! Beyond that, the style just - feels right. I have a tight little 'cap' of hair somehow, and it feels WONDERFUL. I definitely need to pay more attention to my hairline with this style - I'm not pulling it tight at ALL - but you can clearly see the 'thinner' bits of my hairline. *sigh* babyhair. I'll have to be sure to love on it regularily with the SS oil and the ACS oil.... maybe I'll alternate days.

Speaking of moisturized, I'm thinking that *sigh* I HAVE to go back to moisturizing my hair every other day like I was doing while I was wearing it loose. It's funny - I'm slowly learning what works and what doesn't - sometimes going to far one way and ignoring something else I should have learned. That month that I was wearing a puff everyday, I deep treated my hair ABOUT every other day - and it LOVED it. But - my hair was getting fried and damaged on the ends from not being in a protective style. Then, I went to the twists - a VERY protective style - but I was also only moisturizing once a week (okay, I WAS getting it wet, but that's not REALLY moisturizing it), so it got dry and brittle - plus the henna overkill.
Now - I've got a protective style, and it's easy enough that I CAN take it out, Deep Treat, and put it all back in - and the style itself won't take more than an hour - to take out AND to put back in! So. I'm happy with that.

I wonder what the next thing I'm going to learn will be?


I've also been thinking about (spawned from a thread here) why I want long hair - and the main thing I kept coming up with is that it FEELS right. My inner vision of me involves having - this huge mane of hair - and interestingly enough, I'm pretty okay with it being my natural color. Now, because of how my hair is, huge is a relative term - if I had hair that was slightly below my shoulders unstretched - it would be HUGE loose (and I'm thinking about BSL or longer stretched).

It's interesting, thinking about me & my hair. The one time I had reallllly long natural hair (between APL and BSL) was immeadiately after the second relaxer of my life when I was 18, and I promptly chopped it off to a pixie cut. I think I did that because having straight hair just - didn't FEEL right. From there, I had braids most of the time - anything between shoulder length to BSL. Then, when I got sick of dealing with my natural hair (because I didn't know what the hell to do with it!!), I put it in dreads, and loved it - but as they got older, I hated the denseness /flatness /stringiness of them.
Under it all, I've always KNOWN that my natural hair, grown long and free, is what I want/need/desire, but have always believed that it just wasn't POSSIBLE with my hair type. Lies, dammed lies!
Anyhow, I'm thrilled with my hair for right now.

In an effort to STAY thrilled with my hair (and to use some of the WONDERFUL hair gunk that is slowly filling up my bathroom cabinet), I've been scoping the recipe forum for some good ideas. I REALLY want to create a Whipped Pudding knockoff. I'll have to post the ingredients - but basically it's butters, oils, honey and aloe. I'm not sure if my hair likes aloe (I know my nose doesn't like it - WHEW does that stuff have a tummy twisting aroma), but I figured as much as my hair likes WP, it can't be ALL bad. I also want to make a nice deep conditioning treatment - I'd VERY much like to wean myself off of using commercial conditioners. So far, the recipes that I've lined up have been these:

Fox's SheaButter
1 part Shea Butter
1 part Conditioner
1/2 part Oil
A few drops of essential oils that compliment your hair type and scent preference

Mix all ingredients together well. If your Shea has been melted, you may have to chill the mixture a bit before you can get it to blend. Fox uses Shea at room temperature. Once mixed, place in a small, sealed container.

I like this one - but it has the conditioner in it. I'm wondering how this would work if I used honey in PLACE of the conditioner. Hm, hm, hm.

SunCat's Cocomanshea Conditioning Butter
1 Part Coconut Oil Unrefined which is solid at room temperature
1 Part Coco Butter
1 Part Mango Butter
1 Part Shea Butter

Place ingredients except coconut oil in a glass measuring cup and heat in the microwave until melted. Add the coconut oil and stir, if the coconut oil doesn't melt completely then reheat until it melts. Stir well and let it cool slightly. Pour into desired containers.

I love this one - all butters and oils - and I HAVE all this stuff (well, except for the unrefined coconut oil, but I could substitute some jojoba.....). I'm jsut worried about this being a little TOO oily for my hair.

So - I'm thinking that my recipe will be a mix of this stuff - plus a few extras of my own (I really need to find that citric acid thread).

Firstly - I want to map out my recipe for the new CASH oil (ASC oil plus Henna). Hah! That's perfect. Or SHAC Oil....... Or.....HACS Oil..... Or HASC Oil (isn't that a line of hair products??) or CHAS Oil..... or ACHS Oil..... or CAHS oil.....or.........

Anyhow! I think I'll stick with my first idea. :lol:

Kiya's CASH Oil

2 parts jojoba oil
2 parts coconut oil
1 part castor oil
1 part cayenne
2 parts amla
1 part shikakai
1 part henna


Simmer for hours over VERY low heat, strain herbs out of oil, place into glass container, seal well.
Use in conditioners, SMT's, henna, scalp massages, butters - anywhere you want to!!!

Kiya's Conditioning Creme

2 parts shea butter
1 part cocoa butter
1 part mango butter
2 part CASH oil
1 part honey

Liquify all ingredients, mix together well, let cool slowly. Use as a moisturizing treatment on damp/dry hair.

Now - this is my PLANNED recipe. I wonder if I can find a tiny crockpot (dammit, I knew I should have kept that rice cooker!). I want it to be light and fluffy, so I plan on melting everything in a crockpot (low, controlled temp) then removing the pot from the heater, putting in an ice water bath, and whipping it as it cools - should prevent it from getting grainy as it solidifies, and make it a little lighter. I might try this weekend after next....if I'm actually in town.
I'm thinking that I don't have to worry about it going bad, because I'm not using any water to introduce buggies into the honey. Still, to be on the safe side, I might put a few drops of my grapefruit seed oil into it - and I think that once it cools a bit, I might also put in some of my Egyptian Musk Oil (my personal scent) to give it a light bit of aroma.

*grins* I can't wait to start experimenting!!

*pokepoke*

Why, yes, I AM still alive. Bullets, cuz I'm random like that.

• I have instruction manuals for both the knitting machine and the sewing machine, as well as bobbins and needles and yarn and thread and the like. Now, I just have to muss things up, and turn my dining room table into a craft center.
• Yes, we actually HAVE a dining room. The game room is DONE (don't you hear the angels singing???) despite not yet being fully furninshed. The living room is also DONE! (this time, the angels are doing the running man), but once again, still missing some pieces of furniture. We are doing our dammedest to actually SAVE up for everything and pay CASH - it's....interesting, to say the least.
• We got a new dishwasher, and found out that the OLD dishwasher is locked into position because of the hardwood floor that was installed in the kitchen. After much swearing, shaking of fists in the direction of N. Tn (where the previous owner now lives) and brainracking, we realized that we can just LIFT the counter up. We were supposed to be all "Arrr, we are DIY homeowners" today and install it ourselves since C is off, but I doubt that is going to happen because at 7pm today I......
• Have a potential doula client to meet. Everytime I THINK those words, I get a deep sense of utter terror. It's that good fear - the fear of stepping overa threshold, the fear of not measuring up to what I know I can be, the fear that *waaahhh!!* they won't LIKE me/think I'm too young/think I'm too childless/think I smell/dress/look/talk funny/and that I don't know SHIT bout supporting no mama's birthing no babies. I know I do, and I know why I'm scared though, so - I'mma be allright. My hands still go cold though - a potential client! Who found me through my website! And liked it enough to EMAIL me! *thud*
• Ummm- have I mentioned that I'm bitter over the fact that it's bloody COLD!!! Okay, yes - I know that several areas of the country have already had s....s.....sn.....snow.... (I have such a hard time with such a filthy, filthy word) but what's up with a HIGH of 58!! In MEMPHIS!!! It's supposed to be WARM, dammit!! And I can't go any further south - I love the ocean, but don't like it when it picks it self up and flings itself at me with galeforce winds. I'm wearing a SWEATER. and STOCKINGS. I have firmly decided that I'm wearing skirts all winter though - pants can kiss my booty.
• Which, isn't shrinking as FAST as I would like it to (I got on the scale yesterday, and had gained EIGHT pounds - of course, I could also barely walk because I was so FREAKING sore, so I'm assuming it's muscle and retained muscle building water weight) but I'm actually starting to LIKE the treadmill. Okay, that's a lie. I don't HATE the treadmill with the deep and abiding passion that such a demon-possesed machine deserves anymore, but I still don't like the heifer. Other things I don't like are the manically grinning demonspawn that calls himself a personal trainer. The CIA pays good money for such skilled torturers (or so I've heard), and I think I have small twinges of Stockholms syndrome, as I do the same things to MYSELF - when he isn't even there. It's a twisted sort of pride thing, and dammit, it feels kinda good. It's scary. There's still too much fat on my arse to really appreciate the changes, but I can feel the difference - so, I'm still pleased.
• Other things I'm pleased about - it's getting cooler!! (Yes, despite the bullet before the previous bullet). I can acutally get outside and do some work WITHOUT either getting devoured by the hordes of man-eating mosquitos, or melting into a dehydrated lump of goo. How exactly do you clean the outside of a house? A spray hose and a prayer? More preciously, our wrought iron doors are starting to drive me INSANE every time I walk in or out of them....just bothers me. Also, I want to build a compost bin (I have a rough idea in my head) so that I can start using all the lovely leaves that the trees are so kindly starting to offer. I'm also going to start plotting out my garden for next year (I've already started to prep out PART of the area) as well as some general landscaping stuff. Anyone have experience in demolition?? Mwhahahahah!!
• We learned that unless we want to spend ABOUT 3 grand, we can't burn wood in our fireplace. *pouts* It's attached to an unlined chinmey, and well - that's how chinmey fires start, and I've really become rather attached to the place. ETA: There is actually already a gass insert - the previous owner (gods bless Mr. Wilson) had one in there, and said that it was quite a nice toasty thing. Gas ain't chep though - we shall have to see how much our bill jumps if we turn that on AND are heating the house. Though, I'm almost certain our heat is electric. Hm, hm, hmmmm.
  I'm rather pleased that we STILL haven't turned the heat on, but it manages to stay QUITE comfy inside the house. In the next few weeks, we will most likely start doing draft checks, and decide if we want to mess with the whole window replacing bit AGAIN.

Damn. I had a lot more to say than I thought I did. But I think I'm done............for now.

So.....continuing on the tale of my very first SMT.

After I rinsed it out, my hair was - meh. It wasn't SUPER moisturized like I had expected, but I figured that was from the henna, and wasn't going to worry about it. I oiled it with a bit of jojoba oil, braided the front into two little cornrows, and twisted the back up into 5 or 6 fat twists - so that I could twist out on Monday, and rock a new style.

Monday:
I twisted out the back, and - my hair was CRUNCHY! I mean - horrid, horrid, HORRIDLY crunchy. Ever time I TOUCHED my hair, little bits were breaking off *weeps in horror* - and it was OILY. I'm thinking that maybe my hair just plain isn't ready for the jojoba oil straight up just yet - it was sad. I braided the back up before I worked out because I didn't want to scrape it against the bench, and went home, already plotting on what I was going to do.
I got home, cleaned up a bit, made an SMT (1 1/3 cup conditioner 1/3 honey 1/3 aloe), and climbed into the shower to get my hair wet. As I was getting it wet, I could still feel the 'crunchiness' of the ends - so I got the bright idea to try some citric acid on my hair. I mixed up a splash of citric acid with some water, and starting pouring it over and squishing it into my hair.
Oh. My. GODS. I could FEEL my hair changing under my hands - it went from crucnhy to soft and supple - I could actually FINGERcomb my hair - and from the root to the tip, it felt - good. Like PROPER hair. And my curls!!??!! They just - BOINGED out from everywhere!
So - I hopped out, slathered the SMT into my hair, out on a showercap and a headscarf, and carried on with my evening. I went to sleep in it, and rinsed it out this morning.
Okay. FIRSTLY - I can actually see my self using a brush, if my hair feels like this all the time - soft, supple, tender, strong - my hair hasn't felt this balanced in AGES. I worked a healthy bit of HH into my damp hair, and decided to just push it back into a pufro, largely because wonderful feeling or not, as I was picking out my hair, I was seeing FAR more little o's of hair scattered about the sink than I wanted to.

So. I was feeling kinda plain though, so I put on some makeup - which, by now is mostly rubbed off, as I ALWAYS rub my eyes, and eating with lipstick on is - yicky.
I REALLY need to experiment with styles for my hair at the length it's at NOW. I keep thinking about all of the wonderful things I will be able to do with it when it's longer (me in a pomadour - I can't WAIT!), but I need to practice now. It's long enough that I can do nice flat twists and cornrows (I think flattwists are more work appropiate though) and it'll help me be less bored with my hair, as WELL as leaving my hair out so that I can love it and condition it, and restore it's moisture balance to it.

My hair is dry now, and it still feels good - still a little dry (I really think butters are the way to go for me - I ust don't know how to effieciently spread them through my hair), but much more 'stable' and soft than it was yesterday.

Recap:
Henna - I think it was overkill, I won't be hennaing that way for a while - I'm going to an every other month timing.
SMT - meh. I'll have to try it again, but didn't seem to be any better than a usual honey + conditioner dealio.
Citric Acid: :love: :love: :love: I'll DEFINITELY be using this - but only to 'cure' the crunchies that the end of my hair tends to suffer from. Just because I KNOW the dyed bits are going to break off is no reason to rush the process, hey?

This was written Saturday, but I never actually posted it. *silly girl*

So!!

I woke up this morning, shocked the have a dry head - this is the first morning in AGES that I have not Henna'd on Friday night. Anyhow - I figured that since my hair was dry, I could do a nice deep oiling before I wash it, and see what my hair thought of that.

So, I mixed some of the jojoba oil and some of my ACS oil together, and just liberally globbed that on my hair. My hair feels - dry. The mix is WONDERFULLY dentangling (as I pull my twist out apart with my fingers) and it SEEMS to be allowing my shed hairs to come out much easier without knotting up. I'm also doing a lil massaging here and there - the ASC is making my head tingle (or maybe that's the biotin, I dont know). My hair is certianly delightfully curly - still standing straight up, but CURLY - and rather frizzy. It'll be interesting seeing what it looks like after I get it good and wet.

Anyhow - I'm starting to put together my SMT mixture.

The 'pure' recipe is:

1 part Fave conditioner (must be moisture), mine is VO5-Sun Kissed Raspberry.
1/4 part honey
1/4 part clear aloe vera gel (I use Fruit of the Earth).

Place in a cup and warm in microwave for 10 to 15 seconds--just until warm. Wash hair and squeeze out excess, blot dry, leave in under heat cap, warm towels or shower cap, what have you, for an hour or so. Rinse well.


I'm thinking about adding a DAB of henna (just a wee bit!), and some ACS oil.


-----------------------------------------------------------

So! It's 6:30, and I'm ready to start DC'ing my hair. I've got 1/2 cup premixed henna thawed, I'm going to add 1 cup of WR Water Blossom, 1/4 cup of honey, 1/4 cup of aloe vera gel, and 1/8 cup of ACS oil.. I'm going to warm the honey & AVG & Henna in a tub of hot water........then mix in the conditioner & oil and let it warm some more.

Well!! That was MESSY!!!! I mixed everything together, and it was even nastier looking then the henna was the first time - more like sick baby poo than regular poo (and my fellow henna heads will understand that!)
I wonder how many of the chemicals that go into commercial hair products are simply to make it pretty and prevent it from going bad? I mean - really - can EVERYTHING that your hair needs come from your kitchen? It would make sense - everything that your body needs can come from the kitchen, and your hair is a product of your body - so why not?
Anyhow - it made a lot - more even than the amount of henna that I usually use. I rinsed out the oil from my hair with wonderful hot water (I'm ALWAYS so excited when I can rinse out my hair with hot water, since I try to ALWAYS rinse my hair with cold water to keep the cuticles down), and then dried it a wee bit before squishing the SMT into my hair. As soon as it hit my hair, it turned into - water. I think it was the aloe vera gel, as it started out mostly clear before turning a faintly yellowish orange color (from the henna, I assume).
I'm guessing that it's not supppoossseeddd to be this drippy, so I think it must be the henna - I'll leave it out next time.
I ended up wrapping up my head like I would with henna (saran wrap, paper towel, shower cap, cotton scarf) in order to catch the flow upon flow upon flow of drips.
Hopefully, this will help soften my hair wonderfully and reduce the 'stiffness' from my over henna'ing.

----------------------------------------------------------------

So - I figure this will be in my hair for about three hours (that'll take me to 11ish) and I'll rinse and detangle my hair in the shower, and let it air dry before going to bed.

So, I posted about my freaky split roots both here & on LHCF, and in both places I'm getting an overwhelming 'That's WEIRD!!!' response. I didn't post it on NP, because honestly - I think that there is more hair knowledge on those two boards, whereas NP is more about hair acceptance/hair politics.

This would be a normal split end, where the top is at the root, and the bottom is the oldest part of the hair.

[center]
|
|
|
|
|
/|

[/center]
My hair is doing this - the top is stil the root end, and the bottom is the oldest bit, and the dyed bit starts well below the split.

[center]

|
\|
|
|
|
|
[/center]

So far, I've gotten answers/suggestions that I know don't apply (like relaxing/hotcombing), stuff that might be right (like overtwisting/lack of moisture) and things that I really think might be it (over-hennaing!!!!!! :shocked:). One person on LHCF said it might be severe "trichorhexxis nodosa" (:bigeyes:) and suggested I go to see a dermatologist!! *groans* I honestly don't think it's that bad, because really - this is most likely the HEALTHIEST my hair has ever been.
My shedding rate is gone way down, it's soft (but wiry), it's shinier than a new copper penny, it's growing like gangbusters (sometimes I swear I can SEE it grow), my scalp is clear and clean, my hairline is filling in........ I don't think I have anything WRONG with it - it's just being - weird.
I'd say I see/get about - 20-30 hairs coming off a day (broken, shed, whatever) and out of those - maybe 4 or 5 are the weird split ones, or suspiciously skinny rooted ones. 10-12 have a root bulb attached, and the rest are red only, so it's just the dyed bits breaking off.

So!! I'm NOT going to use my last bag of premixed henna - if anything, I'll start doing henna glosses every other week. When I went to Wild Oats, I also got a bottle of Aloe Vera gel, and I'll do a SMT this weekend, just to be sure that my hair is happy and conditioned and moisturized, and I might try - TRY - a new hairstyle next week, just in case my repeated twisting is stressing the roots. Hmm.... that means finding a new hairstyle.... I need to learn how to do bantu knots - but no, that involves twisting too. Maybe flat twists instead along the front, and leave it loose in the back? I wish I had paid more attention to WHERE those strands of hair were coming from, that might have given me a hint about what might be causing it.


In less weird hair news..... I rinsed out my hair GOOOOD this morning, and slatered HH all over it so it's EXTRA soft today and smells just HEAVENLY.

I also rumamged through my FNWL package and hmmm. The coconut butter is fractionated, so it doesn't smell all nice and coconutty (I might get some food grade stuff instead). The mango & cocoa butter were hard as ROCKS - but smelled SOOO good. The mango butter was also kinda gritty - so I think I'm going to have to season that the same way that shea butter needs to be seasoned, and whip it with the shea butter to insure that it's nice and smooth. The citric acid is - odd looking - it's granules instead of a powder like I was expecting, and it's a HUGE bag, so I'm going to swap bits of it out for other coolio stuff. I haven't tried the jojoba oil yet - I just hugged it and loved it and promised my hair that it will be slathered in it soon.

I still haven't found any yarn for my twists - but then, honestly, I haven't REALLLY been looking - I've been SO wiped out after working out that all I want to do is go home and collaspe face first into a soft flat spot - but I feel good doing it, so I'mma keep on, keeping on. I'm also dragging my feet because I'm really DREADING going to Walmart. Reaaaaally, I am.

Hm. I think that's it for now.

*laughs*

Quick comment.

So - yesterday is the day I go to see my 'personal trainer' and he whooooppppeeedddd my tail. I was huffing and puffing, dripping with sweat, and couldn't think straight about nothing but getting some food in me, taking a coll shower, and going to sleep. Yeah, it was like that.
So - I go home and do precisely that. Take a shower, eat, relax for a lil while, then go to sleep.
I slept in late this morning, then headed out to work, and as I did so, I noticed that the screen door to the foyer of our house was open - and that's when it hit me....

I GOT MY FNWL SHIPMENT!!!!!

Mind you, I KNEW this cuz I saw online where the delivery had been made around 3:30pm, but I was so zoned out by the time that I got home, that I totallllllllly forgot about it. If I had gotten online for a second last night, I might have remembered, but I was too zonked to even look at the PC.

If I had woken up for work earlier, I most certainly WOULD have gone back in the house - just to open the package and sniff the bottles.

I'm about to go work out again tonight - but oh! I will remember my package this time around!!

On other hair related news - I stopped by Wild Oats last night and picked up some biotin lozenges. I love that there are options OTHER than pills - taking the O369 is bad enough :puke: . I think that will be my last supplement addition. So far, I'm taking MSM (6000mg) O369 (3600mgs) and Biotin (3mgs), plus my daily multivitamin, and I figure after the New Year, I'll start taking a preconception/fertility boosting vitamin. I was considering taking silica as well, but that apparently straightens hair - and I'm more than happy with the results I've gotten from the externals, and anything that I can do that doesn't require ANOTHER pill is a good thing.

I got my hair soaking wet last night when I came home, and I meant to put some HH in it, but I forgot. I've been rubbing it good today to make up for it and to bring some of the oil from my scalp into my hair - but now I'm thinking about going home and putting some jojoba oil in my hair.... ummhmm! :hollie: :hollie: :hollie:

Wow. I'm still amazed by my hair - and I've learned a few things.

I had to go grocery shopping Sunday, and since my flat twists were all wonky looking, I took them out, put some HH in my hair to make it combable, put two bantu knots in the front, and made - get this - a wee BUN!!! - in the back, and went out merrily shopping. Now, when I say a wee bun, I mean a WEEEE bun. Like - tiny. It wasn't really a bun, it was a bu. *L* But, I was pleased.

A few hours later, I finally sat down to start twists my hair - and like BUTTER baby. I had the usual 'fried end' tangles (I'm considering another trim before I do the yarn twists) but a little WP solved that, and I finished a head full of the softest, smoothest twists EVER. My hair was surprisingly straight (definitely 'wavy' rather than curly) and - interestingly enough - even straight - it stood STRAIGHT up from my head. I had a fabulous bit of a mohawk (product free!) for a while as I was parting the top of my head to put twists in. It amazes me that even though I have this enourmously fine hair, it isn't the LEAST bit limp - at all! Sometimes, I feel like I could pick a lock with my hair - tiny wires that they are. How can hair be soft of silk, and stiff as wire at the same time?

I can definitely see a difference in length (my front twist hits the very edge of the bone in my nose - that break between bone & cartilage) and the color has turned a bit more brown than red - I'm blaming that on the Amla mix that I put into the henna.

I think for my last henna (the LAST ONE - for a few months, at least) I'm going to do straight henna, maybe some paprika, and lots of conditioner - but no honey - to give the red a full chance to 'stick'. Mind you - I'm starting to see COLOR on my roots now. Ain't that a mess? It looks - light reddish brown, moreso than anything else - so I guess many many many applications of henna are needed in order to convince my hair to take. Umph. Figures. I'm thinking about starting to experiment with different KINDS of henna to see if that makes a difference. My FNWL shipment is out for delivery now (I LOVE online package tracking), and I want to try some Jamila henna as well - and some Musharaz. So - we shall see.

I've been sitting at work all day, stroking my roots - they feel SOOOO Soft and smooth and - tender, somehow. I'm STILL seeing splits at my roots :rolleyes: and I'm wondering if my hair texture is changing from the MSM that I'm taking, and THAT'S why I'm getting splits up there. I can't SEE a difference in the texture of my hair at the roots, but meh - who knows?

I'm going to go to the Fabric store near my job over a lunch break at some point this week, and see if they have a better selection of yarn. *sigh* We shall see (I really don't want to go to Walmart - maybe I'll try the SuperK up the street from my house as well).

Little Things

My rings are getting slightly looser - they feel more like they are supposed to feel, and less like they are the endcaps on a flexible sausage.

My eating = dreadful. Just utterly. And we aren't even going to TALK about the drinking. But - I've been exercising like a maniac (maniac! on the dance floor!). Lifting weights (painful though it is) is downright pleasureable for me....it's a very SATISFYING feeling - a creamy contentment slides over me after I finish working out - the feeling of a difficult job well and gracefully done.

I stepped on the scale today (I know, I know!! - it was in my way, and it's going in the closet tonight!) and looked at the number, (which I'm purposely not noting) and it didn't really - mean anything. It was a number. Not an ugly number, not a pretty number - just a number.

Went grocery shopping Sunday, picked up some soymilk and some whole wheat tortillas - I need to figure out a good portable way to eat them. Hmmm - I need to see if the yogurt I have at home is still good, and I'll make some Tziki....

My boobs are fitting into the bra better too. And my back is starting to break out - the oddest (yet most reliable) sign of weightloss I have.

Happy am I, but aware that this is just the first bit of pleasure on a very LONG journey.

Little Things

My rings are getting slightly looser - they feel more like they are supposed to feel, and less like they are the endcaps on a flexible sausage.

My eating = dreadful. Just utterly. And we aren't even going to TALK about the drinking. But - I've been exercising like a maniac (maniac! on the dance floor!). Lifting weights (painful though it is) is downright pleasureable for me....it's a very SATISFYING feeling - a creamy contentment slides over me after I finish working out - the feeling of a difficult job well and gracefully done.

I stepped on the scale today (I know, I know!! - it was in my way, and it's going in the closet tonight!) and looked at the number, (which I'm purposely not noting) and it didn't really - mean anything. It was a number. Not an ugly number, not a pretty number - just a number.

Went grocery shopping Sunday, picked up some soymilk and some whole wheat tortillas - I need to figure out a good portable way to eat them. Hmmm - I need to see if the yogurt I have at home is still good, and I'll make some Tziki....

My boobs are fitting into the bra better too. And my back is starting to break out - the oddest (yet most reliable) sign of weightloss I have.

Happy am I, but aware that this is just the first bit of pleasure on a very LONG journey.