Free Your Mind...and Your Ass will Follow

On occasion I want to jump off of a building. Simply to see what it feels like to fall free. Would it be terrifying or would it feel remarkably freeing? If I knew I would never hit ground could I relax and enjoy the feeling of flying? I think I would…I flew once, or I dreamed about flying once…it was the best.. I was around 13 or so…and I still remember it clearly.. I lifted up by the force of my will and flew all through the house. Sometimes by body simply wants to drift free of the shell it’s in..no pains no aches just… a gentle floating. *sighs* I think that when I die.. if I can.. I’m going to be a ghost. And free float all the time.
I am considering going on a very strict diet…*wistfully eyes the candy bar siting next to her* I eat badly. And my body is going to reach up and kick my ass for it. I’m babbling and rifting and totally following my mind…
I love being around someone who understands me mostly and almost fully. *laughs* I don’t miss having a sister but I would be lost without my sista. Nee is my Guhrl. Anyone who can understand me talking as I speak through a mouth full of toothpaste & a toothbrush knows me pretty damn well. Anytime I can spill almost all of my guts talking to her about stuff…actually that isn’t rue.. I spill my guts Totally talking to her on some subjects…and don’t talk at all on others. I have to get comfy talking to her about sex since she is having such issues with it. The same way I had to get comfy with talking to LZJ (a school friend) and CAK about mothers, and the same way I still get a funny feeling when someone talks to me about fathers. It is odd listening to someone share knowledge about something that you have no clue about.

Adab..the demanding memory.

There are a few books that had I not read them WHEN I read them.. I would be an entirely different woman.
Dune by Frank Herbert… this book was for a very long time almost a bible to me. I knew the litany against fear and with a little thought can remember it properly.
CatEye/The PSI Series by Joan Vinge…these books shoved me into a heart felt belief that psi exists…or will exist…and got me caught up in the cat-human interaction
I can’t think of the others right now, but I know there are at least two more. *sighs* I need to buy a new copy of Dune…and reread it…*Thinks* a basis of faith.
I have been considering joining an african/american sisterhood that is at school (when I go back) called Nzingha. Why? *shrugs* I like a lot of the people who are in it, and I feel a need for some sort of connection/joining with something outside of myself. I need just a little guidance…and there aren’t enough Pagans/Wiccans of color for me. Yes, I have grown a lot more comfy about being the only person of color in a group/environment..but sometimes and in some thing s I WANT to see others who look like me, and think like me, and want something along the same lines that I do. Ah.. almost tie to go home.. thank god…actually no it isn’t…well…yes it is.. I was ging to stay late to get more work done, but since the computer that I need to use is going to be occupied tonight, I will stay late tomorrow, and Thurs, and maybe Fri…but not tonight. *sighs* I’m gone…

Stay Jazzed.