Don't Break My Heart...my achy breaky heart

Okay… *sighs* There were a couple of things that I want to talk about.. but can’t settle down long enough to really think over. But I’ll start with me, and maybe end up where I need to be.
I have noticed that I have a very forgiving heart… that for me.. time heals all wounds, and that there is really nothing that for a true friend, I won’t forgive. It may take me a while, but after a point I come to the subconscious realizations that we all mess-up, and that after the hurt is gone, there is no need to hold onto it. Everything changes… fading in and out…
so that brings me to MJW… being around Nee has helped, because so many of the best memories that I have of me & his times together include her…and many of the good memories I have of times with her include him. So it is natural to talk about him.. to bring him up...and I have found myself quite a few times biting off the edge of a ‘Why don’t we call MJW?’ while we are in the middle of a trip fest. So… I have forgiven him…in my own way. I am still hurt by what he did…but I do forgive him for it. He did what he felt that he needed to do in order to be well. *sighs* and although I still think it was inconsiderate & slightly rude… I forgive him. *sighs* And once again I drift into a state of missing him. So… I don’t know…I suppose it is because I have unfinished business with him still… I can feel him drifting around. *sighs* I don’t know… I think I will write him an email…*laughs* the punks way out I suppose….but hey… it is my way of extending a hand.
Okay.. it is written and sent out. It is incredible how thinking about one beloved makes you think about another and another… *sighs* I think…I think I am starting to miss CAK. I can’t wait for him to come down… cuz.. I don’t know… I have had this mad urge all day to just stroke his cheek and them kiss him. one of those sweetfragile firm gentle magical kisses that are hot with a everlasting kinda heat. *sighs* maybe it’s the rain.. or maybe it is being around my mom… or maybe it is hormones or maybe it is the change in weather or maybe it is love…but somehow I want to be held and kissed and caressed and fall asleep and wake up again and do it again…. *sighs* Ah.my heart hurts and my eyes are tearing up and my head hurts and … *sighs* it is the end of the month…and the end of this entry…

Stay Jazzed.