Old Poems

12-16-97
Her back bent
By the misery
of a dying city
fighting to live still
12-17-97
Awed by the acknowledgment
of his tears
of her fears
of the never ending saga
they call love
they step forward
steps as matched
as the china they were given
into a new realm
of late night awakenings
and early morning obligations
the world shocks them
with it’s demanding insistence
and interference
on the never ending saga
they call life
12-19-97
I sit in her lap
breathing in the earthy musk
of her hair
she speaks
with the shy voice of a
child
whispering out her fears
her agonies
the demons that howl through her sleep
I soothe her
with kisses
and soft words
then
he calls me from the other room
the anger breaking through the tears
I kiss her farewell
and turn to face
my bilateral life
again.

He called again last night
His voice creaking and old
leaving another message
We need to talk
I miss you
I need you
DAMMIT I love you
I stare the machine into silence
nothing but the blinking
red light
disturbs me
from my rest in her arms.

12-21-97
Tossing and turning in a sea of light
looking for the path
to truth
we must all encounter
a few nasty burns
along the way.

12-22-97
I had a poem drifting around
in my mind today
humming and singing
in my veins
calling me to stand
and recite
and record
I was busy today
running about
heady in the rush of free money
and so much to spend it on
I had a poem drifting around my head today
but I ignored it in favor of life
and my poem drifted away

My little woman
is always crying
always climbing
never able to pull over
the top of her hill

12-28-97
It can be assumed that it is never too much to ask someone to love you, because it is only he unconscious giving of oneself to another. Once given, nothing more is required than the constant repetition of the fact that it has been given. To ask that someone never hurt you, never disappoint you, never anger you, that is asking for more than many would give. That asks that you be conscious in all of your choices, careful in all your decisions. That requires that you carry me with you in all of your waking & sleeping thoughts, shielding me from yourself. That asks for more than love, more than the gift of your body. That asks that you make me something greater than yourself, something more vital than your wants and needs. Yet as I ask for love, I ask with a child’s voice. I ask that you remember me always, and shelter me from the hurts that you visit on all others. I ask that you turn from me the casual lies and the accidental forgettings. I ask for your word to be your promise and your arms to b e my sometimes shelter.
That is asking too much from what is now called love.
that is asking too much from what we have
That is asking for what I cannot give
that is asking for what I expect
If that asks too much, perhaps I should not ask at all, and sit in silence and take only what is freely given. Expect no more, deserve no less.

12-29-97
You get tired of
empty words
lost among so much
that means truth
words that twist and twine
and loop their silent totality
around you
locking you into an empty
shell of a mind
blank of what was real
impervious to what
is real
only seeing what the words define
I long for full words
words like meat and honey
that with a silent utterance
sends one racing down a million
paths of memory
I long for words that
wegh
you down
holding onto you
making you think about what was said
and just how much it means
I want every word
to mean something
or to lend it’s sound
to the creation of something
beautiful
1-28-98
time ever flows
through y fingers
never stopping moving
ever faster as I try to
STOP! The world
I want to get off
I want to pause my life
& get it in order
I want to take a breath
and sneak past everyone else
I want to fly
untouched by the
thing that holds us all captive