The Mad Ranter

Okay.. the fact that the OD server has to all intents and purposes disappeared is making me kinda nervous. I mean…. I think I might actually go a little batty if it went away. What if this was some kind of freakish psych project that wanted to examine peoples emotional connections to Internet communities…and the project is over. *groans* that would be really ugly. But I have gotten into the habit of writing daily… all the time practically now. And while it isn’t as fun when I am handwriting, because it moves so much slower.. I can barely keep up with my mind when I am typing…and it is down right not possible when I am writing…annnyway… my rant today will be on homosexuality as a life choice .

There is no logic, rational or emotional in such utter trash. Gay people are tormented emotionally, denied the basic rights that even murders & rapists get (marriage anyone?), shunned and shamed, beaten & killed and considered the lowest and most unholy of gods creatures by many an otherwise ‘liberal’ person. Yet I would CHOOSE to be this way? Yeah.. okay…. I WANT my life to be as hard as I can possibly make it. I want to be a whipping girl for everything that has gone wrong in our society & schools. Yeah… I WANT the person that I love to be denied the simple peace of knowing that if I am in the hospital…she can visit anytime she wants to…I WANT to have to worry about my children being taken away from me because I am an ‘unfit mother’ by virtue of WHO I LOVE… …oh yeeeeahhh….that sounds like a peachy fuckin keen life. I can’t think of ANNNYYYOOONNE who wouldn’t CHOOSE to live that way. I mean really…… who needs to have their life, liberty and pursuit of happiness to be considered normal things? *sighs* Yeah…anyway…*sighs* It is sooo depressing & upsetting & utterly demoralizing to know that who you ARE is so hated and despised that people who know nothing of you will work their hardest to insure that they never know you…that you never get the dignity to know yourself. I am not asking to be liked…loved or even understood. All I want is to be able to live…MY LIFE…with the same freedom as anyone else. Is that too much to ask? If I need to be judged…let the creator judge me…dammit s/he made me as I am…and if I have somehow warped her design let me take the blame for it. But DO NOT presume to be the mouthpiece of MY god/dess. Cuz you have no CLUE what he has said. *rolls eyes* Damn Leviticus. *sniffs*

Being a black bisexual woman in today’s society makes me feel very very threatened. I am the ‘wrong’ color, the ‘wrong’ sex, and sexually perverted in top of it all. I don’t believe in ANY of the ‘classic’ representations of religion or Christ, and personally…I think god is a woman…and Mary was an unwed teenage mother. *sighs* so really… I fit into none of the latest molds…I am making my own…and there are a lot of things that are going on in this world that make me afraid to be ME. Between the right to choose and the right to die and the right to love.. I mean damn…what life changing decisions can I make on my own? I don’t know. The world is changing…for the worse in so many many ways.. and I feel like no matter where we end up…me & mine are going to be left very very cold…and very very outside of it all. Yeah.. it could be paranoia…but the most deadly change is the one that you don’t see coming. *shudders* I’m going to stop now because I’m scaring myself. Even as the world goes all out of order…I WILL….

Stay Jazzed.