Mama May Have...

Okay… so lets talk about depression. I think that if I have it… I know when it started. A little after I went to HTech. Why? Hmm…. Let’s see.
1) That is when I started withdrawing…from everyone. I thought then that it was the pressure of classes and stuff…but maybe not.
2) After I broke up with my boyfriend (due to our sexual straying) that is when… well actually before then…is when I started getting really wild sexually. Doing all the things that maybe I shouldn’t do. Or shouldn’t HAVE been doing.
3) I stopped caring about my schoolwork. Totally and utterly. I sooooo did not give a shit. Which...was slightly out of character for me…but I figured it was just the stress.
4) I started sleeping A LOT. I mean I was allllllllways tired...for no apparent reason. I could sleep until 3 or 4 eassyy...wake up eat and go BACK to sleep at 10. And when I woke up at noon the next day… I would STILL be tired.
So that is how it was/is. I’m not as bad anymore...but that could be because I’m not in school. But…. I can still sleep the day away. I still do.. not unsafe but…stupid things sexually…I am still withdrawn from people. *sighs* and I don’t know… like I said earlier I exhibit several of the signs.. but I feel fine…any way… I want to get ‘checked out’ or whatever… BEFORE I go back to school…but…I want to get it done for free.

Then… I was reading Essence ™ yesterday, and it had a pretty long article in there about depression. It talked about how a lot of the time black women don’t recognize they have it, simply because we are not expected to actually feel GOOD most of the time...so us having the ‘blues’ is such a normal state that when it gets more serious we just don’t see it at all. And…they also said that weight gain can be a sign of depression. *shakes head* I mean I exhibit all the signs...yet I think I feel fine. So I will do something about it…. Yeah…to think… *laughs* maybe my sluggardness is because of depression…and not because I just suck in general. I don’t know…I just don’t. I don’t want anyone digging around in my head…at least not until I manage to always

Stay Jazzed