Weekend Worries

Wow. Misunderstandings can be a damn trip……*sighs* anyhow…sometimes I feel like I’m repeating myself in these things mainly because I keep gnawing at whatever problem I have, until it works out. *sighs* Today’s Menu holds:
1) My funky self image
2) My confusion over proper guest etiquette
3) My occasional desire for relationship. Okay…let’s deal with each one shall we?
Yesterday, as I was getting my nails done *side note* I have promised myself that if I do NOTHING else for myself.. I will ALWAYS keep my nails done. *end side note* I realized where (partially) my problem stems from. I feel like a plain Jane. Boring, bland anti-interesting. And… I think that I see folx who are ..interesting LOOKING, and in females, they always tend to have some sort of odd beauty. I want some of that…and I think that is what is going on. That is why I feel so….utterly unbeautiful. It isn’t that I THINK that I’m ugly… it is just that I don’t think I am very lovely. *sighs* And I wonder about my dependence on my braids. Because I KNOW that if I got braids this weekend I would feel 203% better. Why?/ because then I would have some of my exotique self back. *sighs* I feel like a dull gray bird in a world full of flamingos & parrots.


Ahh….it is meals like that that make me wonder exactly WHY I still eat meat…Perfectly good, perfectly vegan…no dairy….*grins* I mean REALLY who could complain? Anyhow…*sighs* Just got off the phone with my mommy…and she is still coming for sure. I have made up my mind NOT to go out with T&T tonight, and instead chill at home. I might not even go out with KS tonight.. *laughs* because a delightful web of drama and deceit & lies & sex is developing around him…*grins* gossip! Ya GOTTA love it…Nee wants to go to a salsa/meringue club...but after the torture that she put my body through last night, (we did a workout) I don’t know if I will be able to walk fast later on today, much less dance. Hmmm… I only addressed one of my worries earlier.. but I guess I have handled the second one. As much as I like T&T, I still only KNOW them in a very narrow environment…and I’m not ready to go there with Nee & them and my mom and.. *shakes head* there is just TOO much that can go wrong here….*sighs* But I will HATE calling Tfemale to let her know…ah well…. What was my other worry? The occasional desire for a relationship…*sighs* I REALLY don’t know what to do about THAT one…and I’m not even really sure where the emotion is coming from. I mean reeealllly… me? want to be in a steady relationship …me?? the playerista nahhh…never that…I am NOT ready to settle down…with anybody. At all. Am I in denial? Most likely…but I will stay in denial dammit. I am enjoying the swinging single life but.. sometimes I wish for a lil more. *shrugs* I don’t know…
*sighs* I’m tired and restless and just yeechy. I’m gone… I will see my mommy tomorrow…*grins* and hopefully I will make it through…and of course… I WILL

Stay Jazzed.