Feelinngsss....nothing more than feeellliiinngs

*yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwwnnnnnnnnnnn* I KNOW that beyond anything I am tired today. I am so tired that I rally didn’t feel like writing..but in the spirit of wiring regularly and (hopefully) improving my writing as I do so, I write. But due to my exhaustion.. I can’t think of anything smooth and graceful to write about. SO I will write about what is foremost in my mind right now…sleep. Yes sleep.. that state of unconscious where all that worries you drops away. Everything is perfect. Warm..silent…peaceful…ahhhhhhhhh. I don’t have nightmares…and rarely even have scary dreams. I just sleep…deep and peaceful. And that is what I want to do right now. Crawl under my desk and curl up in a ball under my big green sweater and sleep. *sighs* but Instead I have to stay awake and continue with the impression of alertness…at least for another hour. Then.. I agreed to go bowling tonight..but I might be able to get in a nap/ Naps are blessings. The world would be a better place if EVERYONE took a siesta. Yup.

Okay..feelings… (when I’m tired I tend to get really really…vague. Tin and filmy like light could go through me and air passes around me like I’m a tree.. I become very…. Elusive. Here not here)
The brush of silk pants across the top of a foot…a delicate stroke of fabric against skin…somehow saying summer and sophistication all at once.
The ache between shoulderblades from a too tight bra and long hours of seated typing. Narrowing down into a dull throb in the lower back begging for a new position a new chair something…like a nap.
The thrill of anticipation as the ‘check for new hotmail’ button is clicked…and the faint disappointment that nothing new is there..trickling down into an impatient watchfulness…caused by a need to write and communicate and share emotions as fully and completely as possible.
The sudden spike of joy at a new message…a familiar voice on the phone..anything that interrupts the dreary sameness of one account number & name & risk rating after the other…making spirits sink into a dull gray state of boredom…
Leather holding in a foot…the difference of brown skin and brown leather fading into a fuzzy brown sameness with glittering spots of ‘Tropical Mist’ tipping each one…
*sighs*
BOUNCE!

I need a massage. I need some new friends. I need to call all my old friends. I need to work out. I need to eat better. I need to write more. I need to learn faster. I need to graduate. I need to do SOMETHING with my life. I need to be happy. I need to be proactive. I need to be ‘on the ball’. I need to laugh more. I need to cry more. I need to be honest with myself. I need to love love. I need to respect fear. I need a hug. I need new clothes. I need a teddy bear. I need to WRITE my book I need to take pictures. I need to pause. I need to keep moving. I need to take a shower. I need to skinny dip in a spring. I need to rent “Much Ado About Nothing”. I need to be honest with others. I need to have another threesome. I need to drink more…water. I need to be more me. I need to….

Stay Jazzed.