And of all things that are True...remember these.

I have determined…through a long and painstaking process… that life in general sucks when you are tired. And since I seem to be tired all the time (and it is far too early for PMS exhaustion) life always sucks. *sighs* anyway…I don’t know what I want to write…I want to do something… *shrugs* peaceful…maybe I will take pictures. Nee doesn’t have to go to work until Thursday, so she will be going some exploring and running around and stuff. I’m glad, because I kept forgetting to get some keys made for her. *sighs*

I have dangerous tendencies. But I don’t feel like talking about them right now…between food & sex I could kill myself quite...painlessly. *sighs* I need to go and do some work…

Voices seduce me…I LOVE listening to some people talk…they have voices that wrap around you and kiss you up your spine and around your ears without even touching you. *shivers* and considering how much I talk on the phone I hear certain voices all the time…those sexy sexy sexy voices …

Okay… A dream journal… I had a lovely dream last night…

I was a queen…of some place that still had magic and demons and faired and the like. It was my wedding day… for some reason, my weeding would make the world…a better place for good…so all trough the entire preparations for the weddings…things were going wrong…rings were disappearing...people were vanishing, everything that COULD go wrong...did go wrong…somehow…I was whisked away and put into a deep sleep…when I woke up I was furious… I ran through the lower levels of the palace screaming that everyone in the weeding party would have to meet in five minutes…and when we met I checked each of them over...and had the wedding right there. My husband…oh he was a wonderful wonderful man…kind and generous and loving, and I was soo totally in love with him… and it is like our joining made our kingdom stronger… somehow by us getting married..so much changed for the world in a better way.

The next part was much later….about two or three years…and we had been trying to have a baby for some time…I was in the floor.. crying about something….and he came in with a pregnancy test… and I was pregnant…I can remember seeing the test so clearly… the words that were on the test…it was something beautiful. I was speechless and *sighs* there are no words to express my joy..our joy at that moment. It was something that utterly overwhelmed us.. and I remember seeing this scene through a rose colored film…soo gorgeous.

The next part was about four months later…*smiles* because I was four months pregnant…and for some reason we were at a magical war. Someone (the same force that was trying to prevent the wedding) was attacking us.. trying to pull down the strength that we had created by our joining and by the conception of our child. It was myself.. my husband his mother and one of our advisors…sitting around a table trying to decide our path in this war. I was so queenly.. motherly and womanly… I GLOWED with my pregnancy.. and.. *Sighs* the love that filled the room was overwhelming…It was like…incredible.
Then…(of course) my alarm went off.

I don’t know what is up with me… I have been having a series of pregnant dreams. (NO I am NOT pregnant) and… they are always so lovely…each one has me and some family and my husband (yes a MAN that I have married) in them…in different times and different settings… but the main thing is that I m carrying a child. *sighs* maybe it is symbol of some kind of birth process that is going on within me somehow?

Somehow before I go to MJW with my truths.. I have to be at peace with them fully within myself. *sucks in breath* the same way that I have began to come to peace with how I look & think…I have to be at peace with how/what I feel. And that will be hard….but with grace, and friends (*hugs*) and the power that in within & without me…I will

Stay Jazzed.