Something Old

kay… I just realized that I have some serious serious issues. *laughs* I am officially scarred.
After that long long entry about how utterly wonderful he is, shall I get inot how utterly un-wonderful I ‘think’ he is? Okay…. I can’t believe that he is telling me the full truth. Hell, I don’t think that he is telling even the half truth.

I can’t help but wonder just how much he is bullshitting me, and when and how I am going to find out. He seems way too smooth...too fucking perfect. Talk about toooo good to be true? HELLO! I am waiting for the other shoe to drop, for something utterly horrible to happen. I am tense, like a damn deer who has been in the headlights and missed getting completely smashed soo many times, that there is a permanent afterimage on her eyes. I have a permanent afterimage of lies & deceit and heartbreak stamped on my eyes, and I can’t tell the difference between the image and the real thing.

Do I have any solid reason? No…except he just seems too damn smooth...too damn perfect. He reminds me of an ex that appeared to have everything together.. but in reality was the biggest pile of steaming bullshit I have ever had the displeasure to meet. He was a compulsive liar, and he believed his lies. So, obviously until he was caught in them…there was no way to tell the difference.

So…what is a sista to do in a situation like this? Wait and wait and wait for the big sword of deceit to be either proved true, or proved to be a afterimage. Like I said before…how do you prove honesty? And how do you avoid pushing someone away with your suspicions? Ugh.

Stay Jazzed.