In Conclusion

It’s interesting, but I don’t feel like I have finished eating until I have something that ‘tops’ the meal off. Like today, even though my body was saying ‘hey.. I’m full’ I still wanted something else…I felt like something was missing. So… I grabbed a box of mints, and sucked on one of them. Voila! Meal completed.

*shakes head* It’s sad….I have noticed that I just tend to eat…not because I’m hungry, but because I want to eat. Hopefully, eating as much protein as I am will wean me of that…because there are very few things that I can binge on comfortably that are protein. It’s now that I am limiting myself to what I can and cannot eat that I start to notice the urges to eat that have nothing to do with a need to eat. Like Smartfood popcorn…I could eat 2…sometimes 3 big bags of it in one sitting without even realizing it, simply because I wasn’t consciously eating. I was just gorging myself until my body simply refused to take anymore. One of my friends commented that with all of the protein I am eating, I am going to be skinny and fall over and die of heart disease. *sighs* I figure I’m going to have to go sometime, I might as well be skinny when I do. *sighs*

I was hoping that taking a lunch break and reading a bit would make me feel better, but on my way back from lunch I nearly started crying. *sighs* This is really ridiculous…to do so danggone melancholy. I know I miss my mommy, and I know that if I see one more couple hugging/kissing I’mma puke, and I know that the sight of an engagement ring sends me swirling into the mists of eternally dammed single-hood, and I know that all these damn pregnant women running around are going to drive me to drink, which I can’t have on this diet anyway, and I know I can’t just grab a big lucious hunk of chocolate caramel swirl something to get over it…but I don’t know what I am going to do about it. AARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

And my supervisor has told me (in nicely couched words) that I need to just sit back and chill and soon there will be a big testing series that we have to do (in early OCTOBER) that I will be neck deep in, and until then I will most likely just be learning the testing equipment. Pleasssseeee… let this testing equipment not be the stuff I was working on before. Pretty please?
Grr. Grr. Grr.

I have been teaching myself how to crochet…using a book. It is pretty fun, and I can see myself making some thing really nice. I know that the first real thing that I am going to make will be a throw (a reallllly big blanket) I am thinking about making it out of blue, purple and cream chenille, but I’m not sure. I want something big and cushy and comforting. *sighs*


Stay Jazzzzed.