This is what I get...

I am being punished for daring to bitch about doing something boring…now I have nothing to do at all. I feel like an intern, like I should be doing around asking people… ‘hey…do you have anything you want be to do?’. I feel worthless, useless, like I really don’t need to be here and that I am not really wanted. *sighs* Hump day…the middle of the week.

Dammit I want to be able to do SOMETHING… anything. Really.. please? I emailed my super about me being done (I talked about this yesterday) and I am wondering how stupid I would be to go back and plead with him to give me something to do. I am waiting to get access to test director, and I am not sure how I should approach my ‘counterpart’ about her showing me some stuff. *sighs* This whole shy/nervous/uncertain thing has GOT to get squashed. *grins* Although it does seem like she spends almost as much time on the web as I do…that or totally out of the office.

Hmmm… just checked her calendar…she doesn’t have anywhere NEAR enough meetings to be gone so much.. so I am guessing that she is fucking around too. *sighs* My super said that there are phases in testing….some points where there is a hell of a lot of it being done, and other points where there is hardly anything getting done. This is one of those points, and I am new too…so I guess I should just rein my hot-to-trot self in. but *sighs* dammit I want SOMETHING to do.

I got to work later than usual too, which means I am stuck here until 5:00 instead of my usual 4:30….argh. I want to go shopping to cheer myself up (yeah I KNOW!) but….I am too cheap to do that. :) I AM trying to economize…mainly because I want to get a two months jump on my rent…in case it ever gets tight. I have October’s rent now, and when I get paid on the 30th I am going to pay November’s rent, and when I get paid on the 15th of Oct I’m going to pay Decembers rent. Which means I will be covered for two months…each month I will be paying the rent to cover the month after the next one. *shrugs* It just makes me feel better.

*sighs* I am at the point now where the least bit of criticism will start me crying. I nearly teared up when a co-worker asked me if I was on the web…yeah… is that a bad thing? Ugh!!! This whole insecuirty shit SUCKS.
*sighs* I am looking for distance learning course now… and it seems to be going pretty well. I will be in a course by January, Spring 01. *sighs* Maybe that will help.

Well… I’ve found five different places. Let’s see how many of them she approves, and then how many are being offered in January, and how many I could afford. :) That shouldn’t be too bad. *sighs* Then I will be done with school… for real.

Hm. I seem to have forgotten to eat lunch. *shrugs* Side effect of my emotions or my diet? Or is the diet the cause of my emotions…and thus the root of both? Ch…

Oh yeah. I’m leaving at 4:30. Dammit.

Stay Jazzed.