Crying at Work and what that entails..

Shit. I may never check my email at work again. My best friend that is the love of my life (although I don't think he knows this yet) is mildly suicidal..occasionaly bipolar and utterly wonderful. I haven't talked to him in almost a week (emails don't count) and I got an email today talking about he is going to go 'home'. I know him. I KNOW him. Dammit to hell. I can't cry at work but I have to get this out. Though he drives me crazy... rubs me the wrong way and occasionly utterly baffles me..I love him soo much and so true. And it isn't even a painful love of love deined it is a straight forward honest to god I love you from the bottom of my heart no matter what you do or where you go and what you say kinda love.
And he is talking about going away. He asked me not to hate him, and not to push him away. Shit. I couldn't hate him if he killed me. I would never push him away.
Dammit.
I can't lose another love.
And there isn't shit that I can do. I can sit here and talk to him. I can sit here and tell him I love him. And can sit here and say everything that is in my heart and my mind and it won't guarntee that he will be stopped. It won't guarentee that he will want to live. It won't guarentee shit but that he knows that I am here. and he knows that already. so I'm hopeless and helpless and crying at work. Shit.
Dammit.

I think that if he dies...if he kills himself...if he goes so far away from me that I will never be able to get him back...if that happens...I will NEVER be able to...

Stay jazzed.