J said - Cloudy Days

This is one of those days that work is a bad word. I should be home...wrapped up in a blanket... sipping on some hot choclate.. staring ot at the stormy sky. *sighs* yeah...whateva.


I have been so...out of it lately. I'm not sure why, it could just be a side effect of the change of theseasons, or the lack of sleep, or the too so healthy wa I've been eating (ya think maybe?) but I have just been...blagh. Lonely, low & bored. Actually, I think I'm just tired.


My mother is worried about me. She can HEAR that something is wrong...and that worries me. Usually I can hold back the...achyness. I recieved my financial aid package, and I'll be borrowing about 15,000.00, but I will be able to pay for all of my schooling. Now if this school would only stop toying with my emotions ...everything would be much better.


I realized not too long ago, (a couple of nights ago) that I have no faith in myself. I don't really think that I can achieve what I want. And in part..I think that is why I haven't really decided WHAT I want, because then there is the chance, and the likelihood, that I will fail. And I think that is part of what is getting me down. *sighs* I'm tired. and I'm lonely.


Monday night I wanted to go out and grab something to eat...and I really didn't want to eat alone. But there is no one in the city who I would really want to talk to or be around. *sighs* I need some new friends. I need some friends PERIOD.


*sighs* I'm depressing myself now.


J.