Frrrrrriiiiiiiiiddddddaaaaaaayyyyy!!!

*twitches*

I suspect this is going to be the longest day EVER. Day before a four day weekend, I'm bored out of my gourd, it's cold in the building, and I have CRAMPS. I'm still in a good mood  - but man, I'm SO out of here at 3pm.
Edited: Amazing - sitting on the toilet really DOES help cramps!!! Them laboring women got something going on there.

Let's see - plans for the weekend?

1) Pull the poison oak from around the garden.
2) Finish Halfway pulling down that horrid, horrid ass wallpaper and prime the walls
3) Start unpacking books!! *
4) Clean bathroom
5) Readjust budget for C's actual income
6) Call Gramma
7) Tighten the fan lights
8) Clean the ash out of the driveway
9) Take down hideouso curtains

Hmm... I think that's about it. Now! About unpacking the books (finally, finally!) we were going to wait, so that the library could be all painted and stuff, and we could do the wall bookshelves. But - then I started thinking. We don't plan on moving out of here anytime soon, and we do plan on having kids, and those two rooms ('library' and 'exercise room') were definitely going to be converted to kids rooms at some point - so why decorate them so PERMANENTLY, when we know we're going to have to change them? But then, the question becomes - where do we put the BOOKS??
So - after much, much, MUCH discussion with hubby mine (who simply doesn't think longterm- it's - interesting) we agreed that the 'family' room (the room in the front of the house with the fireplace and hideous curtains) would become the library/family room. As I told him, based on the family that we ARE, and the kind of family we are likely to HAVE - having the books in the family room just - makes sense. Period. So!  Did I mention how much discussion this took? Like - an hours worth. *shakes head* He can be so - resistant about the ODDEST things. Personally, I think he was freaking a bit about having to think about actually HAVING kids - not just 'yeah, and we will call him CJ' but actually saying - Yes, we need BEDROOMS for the 'kids'. Hah. Scaredycat.  
Besides, having a fireplace in the library is just - shexay. So! Until buns start popping, the 'library' will become my craft room (clay! paint! sewing!!!!!!!!!!) and the back room will stay as the exercise room.

It's interesting, because I've been thinking about our house - and how - to use the space we have wisely. (Ohh, books will insulate the walls too!) - and having a 'formal' dining room (which really, won't be used that often - we RARELY sit down and eat dinner together due to schedule conflicts) and a usually empty 'family' room (no TV in that room, ever - so we are usually in the living room where the TV is - even if we are reading) just felt - WRONG - to me. Using the family room as a library, the dining room as a dining room (which C was stuck on - it'll be interesting seeing how often we really USE it) and 'reserving' bedrooms for children feels - righter. And, if we (for whatever reason) never have kids - well, *grins* we'll have a permanent craft room AND a permanent exercise room. If we do have kids - the crafts will come upstairs into our 'bonus' room, and the exercise stuff will be set up in the game room when it's actually in USE, and stored the rest of the time.

Yes, yes.

Yayy!!

Things are just falling into place! I was really concerned about having access to the fitness center that I plan on using, because I had been trying to get in contact with the people who hand out the cardkeys, and I was feeling REALLY ignored. There is a 10.00 fee, which they wanted in a check form - and I just wanted to know if I could pay the fee via a credit/debit card, because I don't OWN a checkbook. With me so far?
Okay - so today, I write out a nice lil fax, attach the document that needed to be signed, and zipped it off. A few minutes ago I get a phone call, and it's the chickie from property management - and not ONLY should I have the keycard by Friday - she's also going to waive the fee!!! Doesn't that just ROCK??
And - I'm even more excited because I strongly suspect (since really, my company has no links with these people) that if I stop working here, I'll still be able to go to the gym and work out! How sweet is THAT!?

So - that's one concern off my shoulders. I need to be sure that hubby deposits his paycheck, so that I can go grocery shopping this weekend to prepare for the seachange in diet and attitude. *snaps fingers*

Yaaayyy!!

Stuff TO do...

Compare "isfet and Apophis" as well as "ma'at and Ma'at" - one repestenting the concept, the other the god who emobides to concept - Assman, maybe??

Put together recipes for next week.

Calculate the calories in the bacon pasta.

To further creep myself out....

Continuing the whole 'creeping myself out' process - here's another interesting tidbit around 2012 - I acutally read through the article and checked out some links - and this one about John Titor seemed - well, creepy. Basically (the short version) he was a dude who posted on the net in 2000/2001, claiming to be from 2036, andsaid he was 'returned' in order to jack some old school computer that was needed to decode some legacy *ROFLOL* programs.

Not saying I BELIEVE in any of this - but, hell - it's odd, ya know? Here are some of his statements about the next couple of years.

• A Second American Civil War from 2004-2008, during which civil liberties would be surrendered under the guise of National security. (I think this is the creepiest prediction of em all - we've still got another TWO YEARS to go)
• An event similar to the "parting of the Red Sea" will occur in 2012.
• Third World War in 2015, a gradual global escalation that was ended by Russia bombing American, European and Chinese cities.
  • John suggests "avoiding Washington DC" at approximately 3:45am, March 12, 2015.
  • Sometime before this point (referred to as "N-Day") China forcefully annexes Japan, Korea and Taiwan.
  • Chemical and Biological weapons are used, and some "non-lethal" weapons turned out to be quite lethal.
  • Australia successfully repels a Chinese invasion.
  • The war kills over 3 billion people.
• Post-war
  • Communities of survivors gathered and grew around libraries and universities.
  • The United States split into five regions based on various factors and differing military objectives.
  • The US Constitution was changed by a Constitutional Congress.
  • A President is elected for each of the five major areas of the US.
  • The powers of the union government are more defined and reside at the county and state level.
  • The Vice President is elected separately.
  • The US Capital is in Omaha, Nebraska.
• Life in 2036:
• Society
  • Military service plays a large part in day-to-day life.
  • Federally subsidized welfare is gone.
  • Capital Punishment is still implemented.
  • Communities have returned to a family/community centred state, advised by elders.
  • Politics is no longer dual-party, with over 10 major political parties.
  • Texas is Hispanized.
  • International travel is rare and infrequent.
• Religion and Beliefs
  • Religion is far more personal and plays a major part in day-to-day life.
  • There are no large centralized religions.
  • The Ten Commandments have been restored to the "10" that God gave Moses.
  • Sabbatarianism, or worship on Saturday is a common practice.
• Technology
  • Wireless internet is ubiquitous.
  • Television and Telephony are delivered via the Web.
  • Books and other hard media are now distributed online and printed from local hubs.
  • Napster distributes music, but Microsoft and Yahoo no longer exist.
  • Digital Cameras are the norm, film is used only by artists.
  • Power is not distributed over long distances. Alternate forms of generation are common, the most prevalent being solar.
• Environment
  • The environment is heavily affected by radiation. The lack of potable water is the biggest enviromental issue.
  • Global Warming has had little effect. Temperature is about the same although there were anomalies after the war.
  • The ice-caps are still melting at a constant rate.
  • Fresh water is hard to come by, thus supply is controlled.
• Health
• The birth rate is much lower, due to a high number of birth defects and stillbirths.
• Mad Cow, or vCJD in humans, is a devastating public health problem.
• Cures for AIDS and Cancer have not been found. Viral therapy is used for Cancer.

Interesting, isn't it?? I'm not sure what's worse - that none of this stuff would really SUPRISE me if it happened, or the fact that he said it would happen.

Random Curiousity: Aztec/Mayan Recons??

Doing some 'purely out of curiousity' reading about the Mayan Calendar - and the thought struck me - is there anyone still praticing the Mayan Religion?? I'm not sure if they could really be considered 'recons', because there may still be people practicing in the old ways - has anyone ever stumbled across any Mayan 'pagans' of any sort?

Man Problems....

So why, exactly, am I freaking out about telling my husband about my plans? Okay - maybe no FREAKING out - but just - deeply nervous.
We were on Atkins together, and - he, being a man, lost weight SO much easier than I did, as well as not having to be NEARLY as strict. With me, if I even LOOKED at something high carb, I put three pounds back on.
He's also a chef - so a lot of our life revolves around good food, and good wine - and that can definitely be a benefit when it comes to creating yummy and interesting menus... I don't know.
I mean - I think that part of it is the whole - denial - thing that I was talking about in the last entry. I mean, if I can't admit to MYSELF that things have gotten out of control, how can I possibily admit it to the man I love? And god knows, I weighed more when I met him, and he still loved me, and I weighed less when I married him, and he still loved me, and I weigh more now, and he STILL loves me and finds me sexy and wants to jump my bones on the regular, so what is it?
Is it fear that once I tell him, I'll be accountable for my actions? That I'll have someone in the house who knows what I should - and should not be doing - and therefore I have an 'external' honesty control? Is it the fear that we won't be eating together? (though, honestly, I've noticed that we RARELY eat the same meal most nights anyhow). Is it fear that I will fail, and because he knows what I was doing, I won't be able to gloss over the failure as I could to myself? Is it fear because there's no 'name' for my program, I'm just going to be doing all the shit that all the weightloss books/articles/people say you should be doing? Is it fear that I'm being unfair my changing how we interact because I want to lose weight? Though, really, if most of our interaction is about/around food, that's an unhealthy pattern of behaviour ANYHOW. Is it fear of the frustration when he eats up all the good food that I've brought for lunchs/dinners? Is it fear of succeeding TOO well, and having all the men drool over me and tempt me? I don't know. I don't even know how to sit down and bring this up...I'm putting together the grocery list, and I think that is where I will start.
And ya know, part of it might be guilt because I've been mulling this over in my head, but haven't mentioned it to him, and thus - well, I feel like I've been sneaking somehow.

And the really sad part is that I KNOW that I'm tripping, and all of these fears are utterly pointless, and he will be wonderful and supportive and loving and my biggest cheerleader/encourager - so why do I feel like telling him about this is akin to being pulled on the carpet in front of my boss? We don't even have that type of RELATIONSHIP! Gahds, I need to be pyshcoanalyzed sometimes, I swear.

So - I'm trying to think of the right opener. I tried talking about changing our diet a few weeks ago, and just approached it SOOOO horribily wrong - gah, I can't believe how I hosed that one up. And that's my stumbling block - I don't know HOW to bring it up. And even more than that - I don't know what I want his role to be in this - a useful tripod to take progress pictures? A stubborn alarm clock, making sure I get up every morning? Hands-off, only complimenting me when he can see a distinctive change? I don't know - but I think that it'll be interesting, no matter what.

Yet, at the same time, I still have this distinctly unsettled feeling in my throat. Why?????

Schedule

This is the schedule that I want to use - during the week - to make myself accountable for eating right AND working out.

Walk & Weight Days (5P, 5F, 4C) (M/W/F)
06:30 - Wake Up
07:00 - Leave House
07:30 - Gym
08:30 - Work
08:45 - 1st Meal (P+F)
12:00 - 2nd Meal (P+F+C)
15:00 - 3rd Meal (P+F+C)
17:00 - Gym (1/2 meal) (c+f+p)
18:00 - Leave work
19:00 - 4th Meal (C+P+F)
22:00 - Snack (1/2 meal) (c+f+p)
23:00 - Bedtime


Walk Only Days (5P, 5F, 4C) (T/Thur)
06:30 - Wake Up
07:00 - Leave House
07:30 - Gym
08:30 - Work
08:45 - 1st Meal (P+F)
12:00 - 2nd Meal (P+F+C)
15:00 - 3rd Meal (P+F+C)
17:30 - Leave work
18:00 - 4th Meal (P+F+C)
21:00 - 5th Meal (P+F+C)
23:00 - Bedtime

Expansion....

So, I was laying in bed last night, just - thinking. Thinking largely about how 'acceptance must come before change', and how I am in total denial of how big I am. So - I lay there, and I just thought about - accepting my size. There is a difference between vague shame ("I'm so ashamed to not be skinny") and denial ("I may not be skinny, but at least I'm not huge"). Both are, in different ways, lies. I'm not ashamed of being fat - I'm embarassed. I'm not 'semi-huge', I'm huge. Those are the simple facts - and I MUST come to a point where I can accurately - feel - myself.
I've always had a very hard time getting/being in touch with my physical self. I'm an intensely cerebral person, and as I lay there last night, I wondered how much of that was due to the lies I had been telling myself - if I'm not THAT fat, then, of course I wouldn't able to be in touch with my full physical self, because I am denying/ignoring 1/3 of it.
My lack of awareness of my own physical size also makes it - hard - for me to lose weight - because even when I weighed 190 - I didn't SEE a real difference. I felt like - I wasn't really any skinnier, because my mental image of me and my physical reality were actually just BARELY in sync at that point. I didn't feel any skinnier, because I never really acknowledged how fat I was.
And yes, I know that I wear a size 22, and I weigh 243 pounds, and that I've got rolls upon rolls on my back, and I look like I'm about 6 months pregnant - but - I honestly don't SEE that when I look at myself. I see it terrifingly crystal clear in photos of me, but when I look at myself in the mirror - I don't SEE the blob that I actually am.
And while, I don't really MIND - as I'm sure my ability to plausibly deny the actual phyiscal condition of myself has been one of the main props in my personal selfesteem, it's also self defeating, because - if I don't see it, I'm not going to have much - motivation to change it.
So - all of this went through my head last night, as I was trying to fall asleep, and I realized also, that for the first time - suprising, considering how MANY times I've tried to lose weight - for the first time I was actually THINKING about what I'm doing. Not to say that I didn't think before - but I always thought about externalities. About the menu and the shopping list and the workout clothes and the schedule - I never sat down and talked to ME, and said - 'Aiight Kiya - why are we doing this? What's our motivation? What's our goals - really, in our heart of hearts?' And I think that - lack of preparation - is largely what's tripped me up before. Because, ya know, despite all of the preparation, and all of the planning, if I didn't REALLY believe that I NEEDED to do this - at the first roadblock, it's all going to collaspe. It's going to curl up, and fade away, and I'm not going to really feel like I'm MISSING anything - because in my head, I never REALLY needed it in the first place.

I read someplace, not too long ago, that in order to achieve REAL weightloss - and especially to maintain it - it's almost as much of a mental challenge as it is a physical one. Without the mind, the body can only go but so far - and obviously, the mind can be all kinds of ready, but without the physicality of it - you aren't going to succeed longterm.

So this is me, talking to and thinking with me, about exactly what's going on. And first, I have to come to grips with reality. I'm considering (rather seriously too) over the weekend - or at some point where my husband isn't home (that discussion I've been stubbornly putting off as well - I've talked my way through most of my fears), and dressing up in some of my FAVORITE outfits, and then taking pictures. Pictures that I would have at work, in the car, at home - pictures of me, as I am, so that I can start to not only accept, but also FEEL my size. *laughs* The only picture I have of myself at work now is my wedding picture - at which I weighed the least I have ever weighed in my mature life, so ya know, THAT's not really helping.

One thing I am doing, is that I'm not going to put off starting the way I usually do, by saying that I need to have all of my ducks in a row before I actually start something. I've acknowledged to myself that is just plain - unacceptable. I've accepted the fact that achieving the body I want to have - the body that I DO have when I close my eyes and invision myself - isn't going to be over with in a day or a week or even a year. This is going to be an - adventure - that I'm going to be on for MOST of the rest of my life, which means I also have all of that time to THINK about it, and work things through, and face my personal stumbling blocks/stepping stones as time comes to it. I really DON'T have to have everything perfect in order to start - I just have to have one DAY perfect, in order to start - and to keep going.

So. I think I'll do another entry a little later about my husband.

Superstitious?

It's interesting. I don't consider myself superstitious, so to speak - but I do believe that there is something/someone's else all out there. I do believe that the ancients may have known things that we've forgotten, and I do believe in race memory. Ask me to prove any of those things, and it's like - phhhft. But - they FEEL right to me, and considering the deeply, throughly anally logical creature that I am, that's rather - important.

Anyhow! The reason I bring this up, is just to give myself a little shiver. Not sure how many of ya'll know this, but I do believe that the world as we know it is winding down to a lovely big ole booming end. From economics, to energy, to war, to disease, to debt, to climate, to water, to oil - it's all going - haywire. Loopy, and looping in a distinctly downhill direction. I don't think that there are many people who would disagree with that list - but I think that MOST people believe there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I think that light is a train. Hey, I'm a pessimist! What can I say?

So! I was wandering about online, looking for something to catch my interest, and stumbled across the whole 2012 thingy.  Now, I've always had a good deal of respect for the Mayans - they were some bloody well advanced people, blood sacrifices none the less. And really, what is war but a blood sacrifice to the twin gods of Money and Power? Humph, at least they kept the shit meaningful and personal.  So, anyhow, was checking that out. I've already made it a personal goal of mine to be as well set up on the homestead by 2012 - with animals and gardens and the like. I also want to be able to shoot well by then - I don't LIKE guns in the least, but they can be some damn useful things. At the very least, I want a good crossbow. Largely because a) I think that shit is going to cost - ungodly amounts of money, and as I plan on being WELL into frentic babymaking by then so I'm going to have to contribute to the house in SOME shape or form, and because b) mofo's are rude and shady as hell now, what's it going to be like once things REALLLY get hard and there is a woman, with kids, whose husband is at work, and who appears to be kinda prosperous?? I WILL shoot a mofo.

Then, there is a personal - superstition, that I have. Friday the 13th is usually considered a bad luck day - and my birthday is January 13th. In my own personal twisting of the 'doom and gloom' of Friday the 13th, (as well as based on purely personal historical evidence) I've noticed that any year in which my birthday falls on the 13th is an - well, it's an interesting year. Interestingly enough, in the 29 years I've been around, I've had 5 Friday birthdays - one was my 1st (1978), one was my 7th (1984),  one was my 12th (1989), one was my 18th (1995), one was my 29th (2006), and the next one will be my 35th (2012).  Considering that I have little to no memory of my childhood (everything before 12-13ish is a blur - I can remember some significant incidents, but otherwise *shrugs* - sometimes I think that is why I don't FEEL as old as I am - I don't really HAVE 29 years worth of memories - I really only have 18) the years that I DO remember (which really, only leaves two) were definitely intensely - life chaning and significant to ME.

And, just in general, I think that the birthdays that those years fell on were rather - significant. Let's see - the first birthday, important. 7th birthday, important in a mystical kinda way. 12th birthday - last birthday I was really a 'child', and then -  I mean really - 1995? I went to college, chopped my hair off, got stalked, got laid, lost a BUNCH of fake ass friends, met my father for the first time, came out as bi, *thinks* Shit, what ELSE did I do that year? besides the whole moving 1200 miles away from home, and that general freshman year type stuff.....
And this year - so far it's been - interesting. We got a house (which really, trumps everything else) I'm reclaiming faith, losing weight, making LOADS of friends, went to my first birth, and, the year is BARELY halfway over. Soo... I think that 2012 will be - interesting. Not sure if that'll be interesting in the GOOD way, or interesting in the Chinese curse kinda way, but definitely - interesting.

So - wasn't REALLY going anywhere with that one - just wanted to write something out to waste some time (only 4pm!! Wahwahwahaaaaaa) and also to record some of the odd thoughts that drift through my head.

Humph

So, right?

Haven't felt much like writing here - I cheat on OD regularily over on LJ for spiritual and weightloss stuff, so I've been writing, just not HERE. I suppose here, this is more of a general journal of my day to day stuff, and day to day has been kinda - dull.

Well, okay - that's not quite true - I (we) actually had a fun weekend - one of C's coworkers from the old job invited us out to see another friend of theirs play at a little college club/hole in the wall type of place. It was fun - met some cool people, spent WAYYY too much freaking money, had the best damn cheesesteak I've ever wrapped my lips around (take THAT, Geno's!!). 

Umm - on the hone front, unfiberglassed the window in the living room (don't ask) and the temperature in the whole house has dropped an EASY 10-12 degrees just from having that flowthrough. Now, even on the HOT HAWT days, it tops off around 75 in the house - which is wonderful. Attacked some of the wallpaper in the library - *pulls hair* oh my GOD - painful, painful, nitpicky process it is. Can't I just sandblast the walls?

Garden is doing well - I need to stake the tomatoes tonight, and I've given C permission to go all airgun on the ass of any rabbit that we see. *glares* Damn wabbits. The strawberries did poorly (poor bubbies!!) so we DEFINITELY won't have a crop this year (I don't think they are ever bearers) but we should have a nice crop next year.

My hair is - well. *sighs* It's - it's an interesting mass of stuff. It's funny, I realize that I have no CLUE as to what to - DO with it. I love it, love it, love it, and if I didn't work for corporate america, I'd most likely be freeform locking it (possibily the messiest hairstyle EVER) but as it is, I'm trying to keep it neat and soft and purty without becoming a product junkie. Humph. I would cut it all off and start from the beginning if it wasn't for the fact that C would have a kitten, and the fact that I ADORE my color. Love it, love it, love it. Not loving the roots quite so much, but - *ppphhfft* love the color!

I'm still feeling rather frustrated, but with a different focus. *sigh* two more years, that's all - just two more years. Hey!! It's almost July, which will make that like - actual truth! Hmm.... I think I will be working on the library every night this week, so that we can actually PAINT over the long weekend. *sqqqqqqquuuuueeeee!!!* I miss my books, really, really, like REALLY I do. Hmmm. Still need bookcases though.

Went to a corporate meeting this morning - two hours worth of rehearsed platitudes and trite words. Blech. I actually took notes on all of the different ways they talked about firing people - or layoffs - or letting people go - or reducing overhead burders - or S&A (something & assests) reduction - or workforce 'planning'  - or 'tightening the belt to become a smaller company' ... or whatever the hell else. Humph. And considering the whole thing was about how to restructure IT to make us 'more effective' without paying us more, or hiring more people, (or basically, doing shitelse other than having us work harder) - it was really a delightful slap in the face for the last words to be 'But those (indicating the portfolio managers who carp about how IP is becoming more effecient (by firing and closing mills left and right)) are the REALLY important people'.
Humph. A company can become rich WITHOUT being publicly offered.  Really, the most important PEOPLE are the customers, only narrowly leading the employees. Because ya know, if you don't have customers, you're GOING to lose money, and if you don't have employees, you're going to lose money. The only people who think that the 'Street' is the most important thing are those working for their options rather than for a paycheck. I swear, everytime I go to one of these (mandatory) meetings, I just feel all warm and shitted on afterwards. And the fact that one of the 'leaders' on the podium was crowing about hoping that stock reaches 61 so that he can retire and buy that 30ft yacht he's always wanted and spend all his time in the Gulf of Mexico made all us working slobs who are hoping they can afford to send their kids to college feel REALLL warm and full of company pride.
But at the same time, I can't whinge TOO much, as we are constantly assured that OUR group/team/project is different. I just need us to stay different for two more years, then I'll return the warm and shitted upon feeling.

Umph. I need some coffee.

Acceptance MUST come before change...

So, me & the Hubster were invited to go out with another couple and listen to some fellows jam Friday night.
For me, there is no situation worse than getting dressed up to go out that makes my negative thoughts come up more. So, as I'm picking out clothes (Ie, putting stuff on, groaning that it makes me look fat, ripping it off, rinse and repeat) I start listening to myself.

Me: Ugh, this makes me look so FAT!!
Myself: Hun, you'd think you know this by now, but you ARE fat.
Me: Yes, but - still - I mean, you can see rolls!
Myself: Yes, because you have rolls - and really, there is nothing that you can do about them.

That's when I brought the conversation to a screeching halt. Okay, true, in the 20 minutes that I had before I needed to leave the house, there was/is nothing I could do about me being fat - but there IS something that I can do about being fat. Does that make sense? I wondered, just how much I've been telling myself that there is 'nothing' I can do about it - have I been talking myself OUT of losing weight all of this time? Have I been spinning my own image to make me think that I wasn't really THAT fat, and even if I was - there was nothing I could do about it?
It's a possibility, I suppose - that I've been convincing myself all of this time that there was really nothing I could do - because it was too hard, too time consuming, would require me to wake up too early, would make me take multiple showers a day, would force me to change my schedule, my habits, my cravings - basically, if I wanted to be a not-fat person, I would have to change my life, and really, I don't think - and honestly, even now - I still don't really BELIEVE in my heart of hearts that the trade off will be worth it.
But you know what I keep telling myself? If - IF I become that not-fat person, and I decide that the trade-off ISN'T worth it, well hell, I can just stop doing all that hard work, sit back down on me ass, and gain all the weight back.

I should be able to do this for myself - just one year. One year of working out every, single, day. One year of eating healthy, valuable, foods. One year of loving myself and my body and being PROUD of everything I do to and with my temple. 52 weeks, 365 days, 12 full moons, and one birthday.
Even if it is icky, and nasty, and changes what I usually do and how I usually do it - at least I would have really, really, TRIED.

Boooooookkkkssss......

*twitches*
It's sad - it really is. Every - okay, 99% - of the books I currently own are still packed away nice & tight, because the library hasn't been painted yet. And yet, what do I do? I buy MORE books! Why? Because *hangs head* I have a problem....

Hello, My name is Kiya, and I'm addicted to Reading. (this is where ya'll chime in).

It started ever so innocently (this time). I was given two books on Egypt at the Midsummer Festival, and I wanted to rummage about on some of the Kemetic boards and see if there was any info on the scholary qualities of the authors. I didn't find anything, but reading about 'The Mind of Egypt' by Jan Assman (wonderful book, am still only about 1/3 of the way through it!) reminded me that I hadn't gone to bookcloseouts.com in a good little while (which was where I got the Assman book - for about 80% off cover price). Of course, that meant that I had to go to bookcloseouts - just to see what they HAD - as their inventory varies frequently.  Now, I'm going to issue a fair warning - if you're a bookfreak of any shape, size, or form - avoid this website. I've had checking accounts of friends put hits on me for introducing this website to them.  Annnyhow! I go, and I browse, and I get four books.  Total price (including shipping)? 32.something.  Orginal price of JUST the books? 99.80!! One of them (Temples of Ancient Egypt ) was originally 49.95 - they had it for 9.99!!!!! 
Seee - this is why I LOOOOVE this website.  Anyhow! Four Books:
Ancient Egypt (2nd Revised Edition) by  Moorey, P. R. S. (Textbook type book)
Pharaoh's People: Scenes from Life in Imperial Egypt by James, T. G. H. (covers the lives of the 'average' Egyptian)
Popular Stories of Ancient Egypt by El-Shamy, Hasan, Maspero, Gastpm (Oooh!! Tales and myths and bedtime stories!!)
Temples of Ancient Egypt by Shafer, Byron E. (Edt)  (*drrroooooolll* Details all the temples, the rituals that were practiced there, and the gods that were venerated). 

*delighted sigh* 

And tonight, I'm going to the Book Rack up the street and around the corner from my house, to rummage through their shelves and see if I can find any little treasures.  To balance all this delightful Kemetic reading bliss, I'm also going to dedicate this weekend to prepping the library for painting, so that we can actually UNPACK all the books we have! 


*happy twitches*

What Your Soul Really Looks Like

You are a wanderer. You constantly long for a new adventure, challenge, or eve a completely different life. You are a very grounded, responsible, and realistic person. People may not want to hear the truth from you, but they're going to get it. You see yourself with pretty objective eyes. How you view yourself is almost exactly how other people view you. Your near future is still unknown, and a little scary. You'll get through wild times - and you'll textually enjoy it. For you, love is all about caring and comfort. You couldn't fall in love with someone you didn't trust.

Inside the Room of Your Soul

The first day of many days to come....

I'm 29, married, childfree, weigh 242lbs, and stand 5'4 tall. I've always known, if a kinda fluffy, off in the distance kinda thing, that I'm fat. And, like 90% of overweight people, I always longingly fantasized about waking up one day, perfectly skinny and gorgeous - but it never actually happened. I would start 'dieting' and 'exercising' and something would happen, and I would stop - and never start back up, until suddenly I looked up, and had packed all the weight I lost back on.
But, I was in denial. I neatly managed to avoid taking any picture that showed more of me than my head, and the slow shrinking of my wardrobe was also tossed onto the 'things I'd rather not thing about' pile in the back of my head.
Then, three things happened to me in the span of a month - on top of my growing disgust with the footprint of how I currently eat.
1) I realized that we will be trying to concieve in about a year, and I've always told myself that I will NOT be the Fat Mommy.
2) I encountered the journal of a previous fatman, who now does fitness modeling - and his previously fat wife, who ALSO does fitness modeling now - they both changed through changing their diet, and working out.
3) I saw a picture of myself - fullbody, sitting down, and was almost physically revulsed by it. I couldn't believe it was ME - I'm not that huge, fat woman! I can't be - that's NOT what I see when I look in the mirror.

But - at the same time, I'm ashamed. I'm ashamed that I ever became this fat. I'm ashamed that I'm going to whine, and cry, and make excuses, and then get up and do it all over again. I don't want anyone who knows me to know that I've hit rockbottom, and that I think that I'm finally ready to get off my fatass and really make a change. And I'm a little scared that I'll fail, and I'm even more scared that I'll succeed.

Starting today - I'm changing my life. I'm changing my first impression. I'm changing me, and I'm really scared that the woman who will be left, won't be the woman that I am now - and I don't know if I'll love her the same.

My name is Kiya, and this is my Gynesyss.

Faith, community, Ma'at....

 I love reading to learn new things - even if what I am reading doesn't OBVIOUSLY connect (or is patently false) it gives me another - way of looking at whatever I'm studying.  I usually let the information simmer in the back of my head for a while, and then something will happen that will bring everything together in a relatively cohesive whole. Last weekend at many_rivers Midsummer ritual was one of those times. 


One of the things that clicked for me, is how a strong  - and HEALTHY  - community is built and nourished - is based largely on responsibilty. Being responsible for yourself, for your actions, your words, your deeds, your children - as well as being aware that you are responsibile to the other members of the community. Each time someone in the community shirks a task - whether it is their 'responsibility' or not - it makes the community weaker. Anytime someone assumes that they don't need to do something, because someone else will get it  done, - it weakens the community just a tiny bit - and eventually the community/society/group will die. The reason that the Egyptian society endured for the thousands of years that it did was because everyone was aware of their responsibilites to both their fellow man and the 'state' (in the form of the Pharoah and the Netjer), and they were aware of the eternal reprecussions of failing in their responsibilities.

Even as one thing was pulled out of the brainpot, another was added.  Hanging out with other recons is so cool, as we started talking abot whether it's actually possible to practice a faith that is deeply intertwined with a ancient culture - without actually living in the past.  Honestly, I'm still not sure. I know that I can uphold Ma'at - and without breaking any laws in the Culture that I currently live in.  But - Ma'at - is, at it root, about maintaining a strong community - it's about insuring that which is 'right' prospers, and that which is wrong fails.  I can't impose that sort of - control - over the wider society that I interact with - but I can hold myself up to it. 

I'm still reading 'The Mind Of Egypt' and I also scored two other very interesting looking books about Egypt.  I'm - still very shy about actually doing rituals - I don't feel like I understand the meaning behind them  - the spirit behind them, and I -  to do a thing of Spirit by rote seems - hypocritical.  Yet, at the same time, I'm wondering if I will ever feel that - rush - of touching (or being touched by) the Netjer. I am relying more on my FEELINGS in this process than I ever have before, and honestly, it's - scary, yet freeing. I'm forced to be not only deeply in touch with my inner guts, but also forced to be HONEST about what I'm feeling.  And right now, my feelings are saying that I'm not READY for ritual - that I haven't read/experienced the event that will - make ritual meaningful. *sigh* 

Ahh... this whole thing made ever so much more sense earlier this week when it was fresh in my head.  I still know what I need to be writing, but it's not expressing itself nearly as gracefully this time. I think it's blended in with the rest of the brainsoup a little too well. 

Snarky.

Had a WONDERUFL weekend, first off. Spending time in the woods is becoming more and more fun for me - despite the tick I picked off the back of my neck (didn't get bit though). *shudders* Anyhow - had a wonderful weekend, spent WAYYY too much money (I've been a bad, bad girl) and got a lovely bit of a tan.  C pointed out my tans lines as I took my first shower in three days last night.

So - why the snarkiness? It's not work - well, not totally. It's not the fact that I lost a long and rather intricate LJ entry I was working on about my brainsimmers. It's not - the weather (I love it, actually.)

It's a rather low grade frustration - with myself, with other people, with the world as a whole. I know, I KNOW that nothing is ever perfect - but sometimes, I just despair over the future. I despair over people. I wish I could scoop everone up and give them as much love as they needed, and could teach them how to love everyone else, and how to honor themselves and the world and each other and just - be NICE, dammit.

But I can't, and I know I can't, and when I write it out, it almost sounds kinda silly. But - it makes me sad, and frustrated sometimes.

And then, I'm also generally disappointed in myself. I want to lose weight. I've been saying that I want to lose weight and get in better shape and blahblahskippy for - YEARS. And yet, lately, when I've been presented with a plan - with a way to do this, and be safe, and be healthy - this overwhelming FEAR response shows up - which honestly, confuses the living FUCK out of me. Afraid? I'm SCARED to lose weight? What the hell? I know I can do it - I've done it before. I know I can gain it back - hell, that's the easy part. I've wanted to be skinner for - hell, as long as I can remember. So - I mean - what's up with this stomach clenching, sweaty handed fear that hits me? It's not fear of poeple laughing and pointing as the fatgirl slaves away in the gym. It's not a fear of being hungry and deprived (okay, maybe a little deprived) and grumpy. It's not a fear of anything that I think of offa the top of my head. It's just a frozen feeling of - I dare not. It feels like losing weight is - dangerous, almost. 

I'm not sure if it's my usual reaction to any major change in my life - but it feels like more than that. I'm giving myself until the end of the month to get used to the fear (and to figure out some actual realities of the situation) before I start my new plan. I've been trimming down my calories, and have lost nearly 6 pounds in the last three weeks - but I'm eating soooo unhealthily.

So, I'm snarky because I'm not behaving properly, and I'm just pushing that onto the rest of the world and saying THEY aren't behaving properly. Humph. I should be better than that. I've had to be careful of my notes and comments, otherwise I know this snidely superior snarkiness is going to raise it's ugly head and say things that otherwise wouldn't be said.

Maybe I just need a nap.

 

So.

I'm a bit of a shorty, and I've got Heidi Dazzlinghooters - just to preface this minor rant. I love my car, I do, I do, I do! but - the seatbelt inSISTS on attempting to slice my jugular on a regular (and why don't those words rhyme? English! Beh!). A while ago (2-3, maybe 4 years ago) I found this nifty little device that goes on the waist bit of the seatbelt, that allows you to 'shift' the shoulder bit, so that it goes across the chest, rather than across the neck.
A few months ago, goofy me accidentally slammed it in the door of the car, and the latch cracked - thus insuring that it would only hold onto the seatbelt as long as I didn't move - and considering my daily boogiewoogie drive to work - that just wasn't happening. So - I've been on what feels like a treasure hunt looking for one.
Autozone. Nope.
O'Reilly's. Nope.
Sears Auto. Nope.
Walgreens. Nope.
Family Dollar. Nope.
Big Lots. Nope.
Various Gas Stations. Nope.

Arrrgghhh!! I went to Walmart today (the first time I've been in there in - years, and the only reason I went is because three of the above recommended that I go). I start out nearly busting me ass on the very recently shiny waxed floors, but with careful manuevering, I make it to the Auto Section.  I asked the nice fellow behind the desk in the Auto Department, and my spirits really soared when as soon as I asked him if he had a seat belt clip, he started describing it.

Have you ever seen the cartoons where one fellow asks the other fellow if he's seen a third fellow (usually the third fellow is the fellow he's asking, just in disguise) and that fellow gives a detailed description, then says 'Nope, haven't seen him!'
Yeah. Walmart fellow did that - THEN told me to try walmart.com. WALMART.COM!  ARRRGGGHHHHH.

I wanted to have one before me roadtrip to nashville, but noooooooooo.....bloodyblinking walmart.com!

*sighs* So. I guess I'll have to scour the net. And when I find em, I'm buying like - 12. Just in case, ya know?

Umph. Walmart.com.

And can I say - it's hot as the Devils left buttcheck after an S&M session out there?? The only reason to be outside at noon today should have been to be in a pool with something fruity and alcoholic - not wandering about all Hickory Hill looking for a blankety blanking seat belt clip!

Humph.

I just need to be 2 inches taller. That might be easier to achieve than finding one of those - thingys.

Edited: I love bloggers, really I do!!! The fabulous WhateverIWant found this - I brought 3. Mwuauahahahahaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!

Food Rut = Weight Stuck??

My comment in the last entry about being in a food rut made me want to go and google it, and this is an article it came up with - which is interesting, and kinda scary too. I wonder how much of my weight loss was because I was a) eating less and b) eating foods I had NEVER eaten before?? Interesting, interesting.

 

Fat Loss:
Food Rotation Can Help You
By James Williams,
Nutrition and Lifestyle Coach Level 2, Cranial Sacral Therapist, London

For many of us, just eating organic food isn’t enough if we want to lose fat.

Your body loves it when you eat unprocessed organic foods because they contain no toxins that end up being stored as fat. Your body appreciates you even more when you include lots of variety. Feeding your body a varied diet is called food rotation and is essential for fat loss and good health. How many days each week do you:

Eat the same foods for breakfast?
Order the same meals from the menu when you eat out?
Make or take-out identical lunches every day?
Get hooked on one food and then eat it to until you’re bored with it?
When I look at food diaries, it often reveals the scary picture that most people only eat up to 12 different foods! If this was the way things were meant to be, then why did Mother Nature give us thousands of varieties of fruits, vegetables, grains? We were meant to eat a varied diet and have done so for thousands of years.

If the "food police" searched your refridgerator tonight, what variety of healthy organic foods would they find?

So, how do you know whether you are stuck in a food rut and need to rotate? Caroline Mein, the author of Different Bodies, Different Diets, defines "rut eating" as eating the same thing three to four days in a row. People also rut eat when they consume the same food at the same mealtime every day. Many off-the-shelf diet books are in fact just rut eating regimes. They fail to include food rotation in their eating plans and take no account of the fact that your body is different from everybody elses! These are two of the key reasons why they do not work. Why rotating your foods will help reduce body fat:

1. Eating the same foods stresses the pancreas because it is continually producing the same enzymes to break the foods down. As the enzyme levels become depleted it results in poor digestion and makes it hard to extract energy from what you ate. The brain detects that your last meal didn’t provide you with enough sustained energy, so it stimulates you to eat yet again. The extra food costs you more money and subtly piles on the pounds.

2. A stressed pancreas may disregulate your blood sugar and trigger bouts of low energy. This causes you to overeat in a bid to get more energy, causing weight gain.

3. You are less likely to develop food sensitivities which rob your body of energy. This means you’ll have more energy available for building health and shedding fat.

4. You will be less likely to binge on treats because your palate is stimulated by a variety of tastes.

Now that you know how important food rotation is, how do you do it?

One of the main methods is based on taxonomy where foods are grouped together by their relationships in nature. This may work well for people with significant health problems. However, a more practical method of food rotation is to eat a specific food only once every four days. Quite simply it means if you eat beef on on Monday, then don’t eat it again until Friday. This approach has been used by well-respected holistic health practitioner Paul Chek, and his clients have found it very successful, particularly those with busy lives. Now that you know how to rotate your foods and that rotation will help you lose weight, you are ready to start.

Review your food diary and notice repetitive food patterns. Try a scientific experiment - for the next week, add more variety. Buy different fruits and vegetables at the grocery. Try at least one new recipe. Eat at a different restaurant. At the end of the week, notice your energy level and read the scale. Your body will definitely reward you for your decision!

Foodlove

So, I want to start putting together at least a rough menu for the month, so that we can start eating healthier. I figured that a good place to start would be to list out what we usually eat, and then just - organize it.

I started doing that, and realized that really, the problem is a bit bigger than that. I am sitting here, racking my brains for recipes/edibles - and I realized that even when we cook at home - it's all about the fast food. Sandwiches, soups, barbeque, pasta - it's all 'fast' cooked - and really, there ain't that much - wiggleroom, I guess. The funny part is that, really - I would like to make 'real' meals - but I just don't know WHAT to make. I mean - there is a wide, wide world of food out there, and I feel a bit - challenged by all the choices. And the fact that I'm married to a chef really doesn't help - it's a slightly different world in a professional kitchen vs. a personal one.

What sort of food would I LIKE to cook? Healthy stuff - not lowfat/lowcalorie - but more, fresh veggies and fresh meats, and nothing much out of a box. Less bread, less pasta (because that's usually our fallback position - spaghetti or a sandwich). More fish - which I love, but haven't had at home in - ages! But not super expensive, either - we are trying to stick to a certian amount of monet being spent on groceries a week. I love lebanese, indian, asian, thai, greek, morrocan food - but they all require some pretty specific ingredients. During the summer time - cool stuff. Salads, yes, but - filling salads. Stuff that I can have leftovers to take to work with me the next day. Stuff that is satisfying, yummy, and healthy. And, really at this point in time, I'm saying screw lowcarb. If I can find a lowcarb version (like Dreamfields pasta) okay - but if not - *nods* I want my brown rice, dammit!

I honestly don't know where to start. *laughs* It seems like the first thing to do, really - is collect recipes. But - I'm drawing a blank! *lol* I need to 'jumpstart' my brain and check out some recipe websites.

*sigh* More later, I'm sure.

---

Later....

Well - I just started brainstorming, and this is the list of food I've come up with - not saying it's going on a menu, just - THINKING about it. *shakes head* I know that I'm being far, far too limited - but my brain isn't very strechy, foodwise. Hm...I'll definitely have to get help from C.

Indian Yogurt Rice
Stuffed Grape Leaves
Hot Eggs and Noodles
Couccous
Falafel
Hummus
Feta
Parsely Salad
Barbequed Ribs
Baked Beans
Spaghetti
Fried Rice
Grilled Pork Chops
Creamed Spinach
Chicken Ceaser Salad
Hot Wings
Cheesy Cauliflower
Enchiladas
Grilled Cheese Sandwich
Meatloaf
Lasagna
Avacados
Tuna Salad
Salmon Cakes
Noodley Stirfry
Something Soup
Hamburgers
Quiche
Pesto Pasta
Pasta Carbonara
Hot Dogs
Sandwiches
Garlic Spinach
Pita Bread
Greens
Beef Stroganoff

The other thing is - it's HOT. And we don't have central air. Which means, really, I'm not trying to bake a lot (no bread days) and would rather not boil much (though I can just suck the steam up via the vent fan), and honestly - I'm not big on really - HEAVY stuff. But the light stuff ain't quick, and usually needs a bit of 'steeping' time. Not complaining, just thinking outloud and wandering about in my head.

And I don't have nearly enough good, ethnic food. *laughs* I've got an old copy of Back to Eden, and I'm seriously considering going through that and pulling out recipes - maybe two or three nights a week, making something from there.

I'm tired of bieng in a food rut!!

Well, isn't that nice!

So....hopefully, hopefully, hopefully - we will get a riding lawnmower soon!! There's been an - delightful convergence of events that makes that possible.

First, I found a riding lawnmower (3yrs old, Craftsman) for 400 on craigslist. Now, 400 bucks is still 400 bucks - and we don't really HAVE 400 bucks to spend. So, I noted that it was still available, but kinda brushed it off.
Yesterday, I get home and have a letter from the mortgage company. Open it up - and *gasp!astonishment!* inside is a check for 570odd dollars - from overpayment of the escrow account!!! Supercalifreakingwonderous!! So - I was kicking about in my head what should we do with it, what should we do with it - and then a light bulb came on. *ding* Lawnmower it is.
Now, I'm jsut waiting to hear if it's STILL available, and if it is, whether they can drop it off for us. We could always rent a pickup for a day, but still - it would be nice if they could deliver. So! That's (hopefully) that.

In other fun news, I'm going to Nashville this weekend to hang out with some friends in the woods!! I do a lotta woodshanging with these chicks - but it's supremely fun. I need to bring a dessert (and I'm SUCH not a big dessert person - any good ideas for something that travels well and serves easily??) and practice putting up the tent. Also need to make a list of stuff that needs to be brought with me. :)

So - I've been thinking about (after the last few days of dismally drifting through the kitchen, wondering what the hell was for dinner) to try and start making monthly menus again. Since I usually grocery shop monthly, it makes sense to have a monthly menu. Also, having a menu will help with the 6pm brainracking as to what to cook, AND it'll help me/us eat a heck of a lot healthier - a little planning goes a long way.  Besides, I'm going to encourage C to cook as well - test out new menu ideas on us - at least the REASONABLE ones. I need to find another Asian/Indian store around here - the one I used to go to stopped carrying the spicy stuff that we use in a lot of dishes.

Hmm....my legs are still sore, but my arms are better. I don't know bout the berries - some are looking good, and others are looking kinda rough. The mulch is keeping the moisture in nicely, though. Giovanni is also participating with the garden work - he deposited a lovely little mouse/vole/mole body on the front porch today. *squicks*

Ohh!! I need to buy some paper bags to make fake wasps nests, so the little buggers will stop trying to build nests - in our carport, and under the deck, and in the corner of the pole barn, and - dangone near everywhere there is a convienent overhang.
Also - are there bats in Tennessee?? And if so - how do you encourage them to come and kick it at your house? No joks about bats in the belfry now!

Today

Umm...I'm at my desk, and everytime I move, the back of my arms, or my thighs ache - jsut a little. It's a nice ache - the ache that tells you that you've actually done something active and useful - that you've actaully used your muscles in the way they were meant to be used.

The weekend is basically recapped in the previous two (picture) entries.  On Saturday, I did the last bit of running for supplies for the garden (I calculated it in my head yesterday, and ignoring the inital output for the tools, I spent 30 dollars on the garden - if the strawberries alone make it, it'll pay for itself!) and went to the library sale.

Oh. My. GAWD. It was - heavenly. And the second day - they had dropped the price, so the hardcover books were only a dollar, but the 'good' paperback were still 50 cents. The paperbacks that we advertised as 25 cents were romance novels - one genre that's never really been able to keep my attention. Anyhow, I ended up with 15 hardcovers, and 35 paperbacks (50 books! wow!) for 33 bucks. *delighted sigh*  They were mostly health related books, interestingly enough - and I actually BOUGHT a copy of 'What to Expect when you are Expecting' so that I could actually *shudder* read the book rather than skimming it - that way I can give more constructive critism around the horrors it contains other than just saying 'I hate that book'. I got a couple of cool books about the menstural cycle, a couple of herb books, a crapload of sci-fi books, and some kids books that I jsut couldn't resist because they were old favorites of mine. *thinks* I know I'm missing some category, but I can't remember what.

Work. AGGGHHH!! *pulls hair gently, since it jsut got done last night, and it's too cute to really mess up* Two more years, two more years - that's my mantra, that's my chant on a daily basis. I'm using them to get what I want, and - really, that's all that matters. I'll get over the feeling of not doing jack shit that is worthy HERE by doing plenty that is worthy at home.

Along those lines, I'm already thinking about extending the garden  - not to plant in this year, as I think I'm done - once the plants get bigger and shade some of the bed, I might toss some lettuce out there - and I'll most likely use it as a fall garden - but ONLY that bed. I went and looked at it this morning, and it looked like someone had either stepped on it on a cat's bottom had sat on it. *evil glare* damn cats. All the plants were fine - though the strawberries are looking right - puny. *sighs* I'm going to check the dirt tonight and see if they need some water. I was racking my brain for a way to shade them, but I couldn't come up with anything, and of course, the second I get to work, a brilliant idea pops into my head. *sighs* So, I'll set up the shade tomorrow - it's a bit overcast today, so they shouldn't burn too much - must coddle the berries!!
But I was talking about extending the garden, right?  The clay are that I was talking about is right in front of the deck now - and it's REALLY clayey - I mean, right there, it's PURE clay. I honestly DO want to dig it up. *grins* But, I need to see what is going on in the rest of that area - as well as measure things for my beds. The bed I made yesterday is a BIT bigger than I really want it to be - it's hard for me to reach the middle, and it's bad to walk on the dirt, so the next one will be smaller. *tsk* I might get hubby to help me pull the carpet out to cover the grass today - at least that way, I'll be able to see what the dirt looks like under there.

My next ourdoorsy task is to slowly, but surely, dig up EVERY. SINGLE. MONKEY grass plant. Them summabitchs spread like crazy, and they - they are just everywhere. Well that, and planting the periwinkle - as well as transplanting that volunteer periwinkle that showed up in the front yard.

Inside, we need to swing by HD again, and get some paint remover (because I would very much like to be able to open our front windows), some putty (to fix the holes/gaps/cracks in the walls that were convientently covered by wallpaper) and some 'real' wallpaper removed (to get rid of the VERY stubborn specks and bits of wallpaper still left on the walls). *laughs* Hubby got a bug up his butt as well, and started ripping own wallpaper in the game room - he only did about half a wall, but I still laughed at him. Humph! As if I'm the only one!

*rubs hands together*

Also, I think I've given up on the whole riding mower discussion. *grrr* At the end of the month, we will see how much 'extra' money we have (the budget isn't perfect because I didn't know C's actuall income, so I know I understated it) and get a used mower. *grins* At least the lawn will be nice and cut.

I don't know if I have a green thumb,

but man, do I have some DIRTY fingernails.

*grins* I started the garden!! Take a picture journey with me, eh?

The beginning - just a wild, wild, area. The garden (in beds) is eventually going to go where the deck is now (you can see the boards of the deck at the top of the picture), and will go from where those bushes are on the left side (which we want to move to where that HUGE bush is on the right to make a screen for the garden from the road), and - who knows how far 'behind' me. That black garbage bag & brick thingy is the compost (really mulch) that I brought from the apartment. Anyhow, this is what I started with, around 8:30am.

Three hours, intense ripping out of stubborn grass, handtilling dirt that has an INORDINATE amount of clay in it (I swear, I need a potters wheel so I can use that stuff - it's almost PURE clay), 90 pounds of potting soil, 160 pounds of composted manure, and four boards that I grabbed out of the pole barn later.....

And a better picture.... it looks so bare, and crying out for green stuff, doesn't it??

Green stuff!! 45 strawberry plants (I counted plants and suckers that will be plants), 3 cherry tomatoes (as they were the only tomato plants still around - it's late in the season), two green pepper plants, a yellow habanero, a 'regular' habanero, and the three quince seedlings. The strawberries are kinda droopy looking compared to everything else because they've been bareroot (but in water) since Thursday. I'm hoping they'll perk up now that they are in dirt. I also tossed my 'compost' on top of the dirt - I'm hoping it's still mulchy enough that it'll help hold in moisture and act as a weed barrier.

I'll keep ya'll posted as stuff gets bigger and blooms and fruits and stuff.

Plant Answers....(courtesy of Andi)

I can identify all of them but 2, 3, and 8.

1. Plantain- the crushed leaf is good for bees stings and blisters. A good weed.

2.I am going with a firm wild catnip guess for 2 and 3. http://www.ppws.vt.edu/scott/weed_id/nepca.htm

3. can't tell

4. definitely perwinkle

5. Queen Anne's Lace- an invasive exotic in Tennessee. It does attract bees and butterflies though.

6. Lucky You! I believe that's an American Elder, from which you get elderflowers, good for skin creams and brewing, and elderberries, good for diarrea and they make great preserves. If you can take closer pics of the leaves I'mm make sure.

7. I *think* that's a Gleditsia triacanthos, a honey locust. If the spines are cross-shaped, it's definitely a honey locust. They are native small trees.

8. I *think* that's a Russian Olive, another invasive exotic. If the undersides if the leaves are silvery, that's it.

9. Looks like ragweed to me.....or (i am pretty sure its curly dock. Since its not in focus, check it out here. http://www.ipm.ucdavis.edu/PMG/WEEDS/curly_dock.html)

10. Those are stickerburrs!!! Kill them immediately!

Plant ID's....

Okay - first one. I think this is burdock, but I'm not sure.

(1)

This is the one that reminded me of mint, but doesn't smell like it.  This is about 6-8 inches high.

(2)

I think this might be the same plant - just MUCH bigger, like 2 ft tall.

(3)

I wasn't sure what this one was, but after talking to the fellow who had the strawberries, I found out it's periwinkle! It's so purty, I wanted to stick this picture in anyhow.

(4)

Chickweed?? Queen Anne's Lace?? It's about - 2-3ft tall.

(5)

This is a tree, but the flowers look almost the same as the ones in the above picture.  Hey, maybe that one's just a baby tree.

(6)

What the heck is THIS one?? What (other than roses) has thorns?? These badboys popped up in the middle of the side yard - there are about 10-12 of them, and the are about 3ft tall.

(7)

This is the so-called "Tulip Tree" thats in a bush form. I haven't seen any flowers, but it DEFINITELY doesn't look like the Tulip Tree in my plant ID book.

(8)

And another picture of the whole "bush".  I have a tree with the same leaves too.

(8a)

I had a few wee difficulites with convincing the camera to focus on this one, and didn't feel like reading the book. It reminds me of hops, about a foot tall.

(9)

And this one - I've no clue, but the little spiky things are pretty cool. It's tiny, about 3-5 inches tall.

(10)

Any ideas, yall??

oooh, chicken!

I got all gushy over green stuff in the last one, and forgot to talk about my grandiose plans for the rest of the weekend.

So - looking for garden tools (I want to find some on Freecycle, but the plants can't wait any longer!) I started scanning the classifieds looking at yard sales - and there are a CRAPLOAD of them going on this weekend, and I merrily wrote down all the addresses that were in my necks of the woods. Then, I read another ad, and all thoughts of yardsales went out of my head.

It’s the big one—the two-day Library book sale, held at the Benjamin L. Hooks Central Library, that features outstanding bargains on books, videos, music and more. Adult hardback books are only $2.00; paperbacks are only 25 cents. The sale, which will benefit the Friends of the Library, will be held Friday, June 9 and Saturday, June 10 from 10 a.m. until 5 p.m.

*droooooooooolllllllllssssssssss* Oh my god, oh my god, oh my GOD!!! I missed it last year, as I heard about it the weekend AFTER the sale (darn it all!) but this year, I'm SOOO there. Hubby has to work tomorrow, but he is off today, so he's heading out there to see if he can find anything. The Central Library has a little 'bookstore' that's open when the library is, and I've found some real treasures there - and I'm assuming that they are selling books from ALL the branches, and - *shakes head* I'm going to have SUCH a good time.

So now, I'm waffling. The moeny for the yard sales and the book sale was to come out of my allowance, and - I don't KNOW!! I know how I am with books, and I know that I can (and most likely will) spend an absurd amount of money on books for a woman who has not ONE bookcase set up in her house yet - but - EEE!!!

So - I think that I'm going to go and BUY the tools (from Big Lots, most likely - they seem to have the best balance of cheap prices and better quality) and mark it against our house stuff fund, then go and be all orgasmic among the books.

Another thing that I was really hoping to pick up at a yard sale is a sewing machine - to go on the desk that doesn't yet exsist, in the room that isn't yet painted - but first I want to find either a good convertable table or plans for one. I'm sure ya'll have seen them - the sewing machine is screwed onto a board that can be flipped over to provide a flat uninteruppted cutting/crafts surface? It's going to be the sewing table AND the crafts/clay table (I'm already thinking of what kind of moveable covering I can put on the table so I don't get bits of clay in the cloth) so I would like to be able to both use the machine AND store the machine at the same time - without having to lug it around the room. I don't know what that KIND of table is called though, so - eh.

Um. So that's Saturday - library, then yard - or more likely - yard til it gets ugly hot, THEN library. Cuz, I think that the kind of books I get all gushy over aren't usually the ones that just FLY off the shelves. And Sunday, it's going to be all yard, all day. *wipes the thought of sweat off her forehead*

So much fun, so much!!

Ya know,

Southerners are the some of the coolest, kindest, friendliest people ever. Ya'll can't drive, but really, I can forgive that.

So - yesterday, I cut out of work to go to Southhaven (a lil town in MS, about 15 minutes from downtown Memphis, 25 minutes from work) to pick up some plants that had been offered on Freecycle. Now, she was offering heirloom TN mountain strawberries, periwinkle, lemon balm and cedar and oak seedlings.  I was supposed to be at her house at 6:30, and because I couldn't bear to be at work any longer, I left early, and got there around 6:00.
It really wouldn't have mattered either way, because she was out with the grands, but her husband kindly helped me pick all the plants that I could. I ended up with - about 30 strawberry plants (plus suckers), 4 cedar seedlings, 5 or 6 periwinkle vines, two quince seedlings, 4 lemon balm plants, and a couple of vines of honeysuckle that came along with the perwinkle - all for about 3 gallons of gas (so let's say 9 bucks).  Mwuahahaha!!!
Also, someone is supposed to be coming to our house today to dig up all the monkey grass they want - and we've got a LOT.
So - this weekend, I'm going to be all up in the garden. I need to get some compost (cuz I don't have nearly enough!) some potting soil, and a razor edged shovel so I can cut up the grass where my garden should be. Strawberries spread (be fruitful and multiply!!) so I want to give them PLENTY of room. The periwinkle is going to go next to the chimney, the quince is going to go towards the back where the orchard will (eventually) be, The cedars are going to go out front by the driveway,  the lemon balm is going to go by the house with the rest of the herbs, and the honeysuckle (invasive or not, I LOVE it) is going to go by the front door....ooohhh - maybe I should put the periwinkle there and it can grow up the pink railing thingys.  Or maybe I'll put them both there!! Nah - Honeysuckle attracts bees (which my hubby has an amusingly girlish fear of, and no, he's not allergic) so maybe just the periwinkle.

*grins* I'mma get a tan! *happy bounces*

Procrastination's Price...

...is about 1600.00.

That's how much it's going to cost to get my car fixed (okay, really, to install a whole new brake system, and two new tires, and new oil, and summerizing, and new windshield wipers, and a new air filter, and some other shit I'm sure I'm forgettng - but that's fixing, right??) Edited: And by a whole new brake system, I mean I was terrified driving this morning, and seriously considered staying home TODAY because my car was NOT safe to drive - it was fine yesterday, interestingly enough - but I got halfway to Sears/work and the brakes just STOPPED working. I had to use the emergency brake, low speed, prayers and cursing in order to get to the shop. And I figure anything I might save in shopping around, I'd loose in having to stay home from work, as well as tow fees. Now see, if I had done this shit 3 months ago when I KNEW I needed new brakes, I wouldn't be getting reamed like this. But - *taps hand* I've learned my lesson now, right? Right?
And oh yeah - the main reason it costs so much? Cuz I wanted a pocket rocket, and therefore have to pay for freaking DEALER parts - no cheapo parts here. *sigh* The entire rear of my car is *thinks* exclusively Subaru. I know there's a better word for it, but I don't know how to spell it, and really don't feel like looking it up.

I've been half nauseated all day. I mean - holy SHIT that is a lot of money. And interestingly enough, I think I'm sick over the cost because I'm putting it on plastic. The use of credit (unexpected, unplanned use - not like the delightful shopping spree we had at Home Depot yesterday) actually makes me feel ILL. That's a good sign, I think. It's interesting - we actually have a 'regular' card, but I really didn't want to use it, and put the car on the Sears card - laregely because their assraping interest rates will encourage me to pay it off in a few months.

I'm seriously considering taking off from work tomorrow, as I really don't feel like coming to work at 4:30am so that C can be at work by 5am, nor do I feel like waking up and driving him to work at 4:30am so that I can have a car for the rest of the day. Bloody hell.

Um, in slightly more cheerful news - all of our paint colors are GORGEOUS. We watched them as they opened the cans after shaking to dab the color on the lid - and they were GORGEOUS. Just - glowing jewel colors, and cool fresh blues, and dirtly rich browns - just farking GORGEOUS. So we have painting stuff for - days to come.

I want to have the 'official' housewarming in Oct, so that the house will look - well, nice. I would like to have the bookcases built, and actually have everything unpacked, and at least have the downstairs all pretty. Hubby wants to have it in June, because he thinks waiting until Oct kinda defeats the purpose of a housewarming (which in his mind is to get gifts - my idea of a housewarming is to show OFF your house to friends and family - not to troll for gifts - but then, we had the same issue around our wedding reception). *shrugs* I really don't want MY friends to come over til the house is decent looking, but he can have his friends over anytime he wants - *sigh* I don't know. I just want the walls painted and the shelving up - maybe we can do that by the end of June, but I doubt it - esp considering he's just started a new job, and he's going to be working unholy hours, and - just in general - I think the end of June is rushing it. And considering we don't have central air, I'm not inviting NOBODY(s) to kick it inside our house in July/August (I'm not that cruel) so that takes us to September.......maybe September.

Umm.... haven't worked on unstucking the stuck windows yet - I really think I would like to stay home tomorrow. I can get SO much more done when he's not at home.

Also! I took the pictures of the odd growths last night, and realized that really - there aren't that many! I planned on posting them today, but work has actually kinda kept me occupied, so that'll have to wait til tomorrow.
So - hmmmm, I wonder if he priced out lawn services yesterday? Probably not - so I could do that tomorrow too - if I stayed home. I REALLY need a good set of gardening tools - the ones I have now are so - blech - that they BEND in the dirt, and our dirt really isn't THAT hard once it's wet. So - we shall see.

Yeah, I'm going to work from home tomorrow. Where's my boss?

Interesting Book....

The Book of Household Management
Comprising Information for the:
Mistress, Housekeeper, Cook, Kitchen-maid, Butler, Footman, Coachman, Valet, Upper and under house-maids, Lady’s-maid, Maid-of-all-work, Laundry-maid, Nurse and nurse-maid, Monthly, wet, and sick nurses, etc. etc.
also, sanitary, medical, & legal memoranda;with a history of the origin, properties, and uses of all things connected with home life and comfort.
By Mrs. Isabella Beeton

I grew up wanting to be an English Gentlewoman (and honestly, still have thoughts of being one today) and this book is just - amusingly delightful. Besides, I might learn something.

Ooooohh - Green stufff!!

So - this weekend was a quiet weekend, relatively.

Started out with a visit from the Sears folxs to get a free estimate for our windows. The windows finally got counted too - a total of 24 windows in the house. Is that a lot? Average? Low? It feels - normal - for the size of our house (2300sqft). Anyhow, Sears figured that it would be about 15,640.00. Um, if you are frantically rereading that number to be sure you didn't add a zero - that's right. Fifteen THOUSAND, Six hundred and Forty dollars. Um, that's over a tenth of the freaking VALUE of the house - and that's AFTER like three or four different discounts/coupons. Um, how bout, no??
And then, I'm not even going to COMMENT on the fact that the salesman was OBVIOUSLY slushed, nor am I going to comment on the fact that Sears only sells ONE type of window, and that ONE type of window runs ABOUT 800 PER WINDOW. *faints* Crack cocaine, I tell you. There ain't enough argon/low gain coating/fusion welding in the WORLD to make spending 800 PER WINDOW reasonable - I mean, if our house was WORTH 250K - maybe. If it was worth 500K, okay - I could see it - but 98K? Shhhhit. I thinks NOT. Esp since the windows are just plain old vinyl windows from SEARS. If they were Anderson or Pella Windows - okay, maybe - but SEARS??
So yes, we will be getting estimates from other, smaller companies. Questions to ask: Who are your installers/contractors, and what sort of work guarentee would we have? What penalties are there for overruns in schedule due to contractors? What is the warrenty on the windows? What gas is the double frame filled with? What is the SEER/EER rating for the window? How is it contructed - welded, stapled, glued, spit & a prayer? Who's the manufacturer of the window? *thinks* Hmm... think that's about it.

Otherwise, the weekend was peaceful. We made some KICKASS enchiladas last night - C smoked the pork on the grill, then made some pico, and made some enchilada sauce out of some stuff he pulled out of the cabinent - oh my god, orgasmic they were.

I got a accidental bug up me ass, and ripped down 90% of the wallpaper in the living room. See, right, what had happened was I was looking for a place to tuck a stick of incense (as we haven't unpacked everything yet - and oddly enough, it's not bugging me all that much) and I saw this little 'bubbly' area next to the window moulding. So, I went and tugged on this area, and literally - the whole STRIP of wallpaper came off. It looks like it was 'stickon' wallpaper, and only the edges were actually glued to the wall. In a matter of about 20 minutes, I had stripped the whole room (except for some up high sections above the doors and the like that I couldn't reach) down to the drywall. They had actually put the wallpaper on TOP of the drywall (bare drywall, no primer - thank god it didn't really stick!) so now the living room looks - half built. *LOL* I think it might get painted before the library does now.

Anyhow, now that we are making a good bit of progress on the inside of the house, my mind is starting to turn to the outside. Well, and the length of grass and other growing things that is appearing outside - if I get home tonight before the sun goes down, I think I'll snap some pictures of the - odd growths - that are out there. So - with that in mind, this is my 'dream' listing of every fruit/veggie/herb I can think of that I would want to grow. I haven't even STARTED thinking about decorative stuff yet.

Mint (Chocolate)	Garlic	Strawberry
Mint (Peppermint)	Onions	Blueberry
Thyme(s)	Mushrooms	Fig
Sage(s)	Tomatoes	Apricot
Oregano(s)	Kale	Pear
Parsely(s)	Lettuce(s)	Grapes
Cilantro(s)	Spinach	Plums
Basil(s)	Habaneros	Cherry
Chives	Sweet Peppers	Peaches
Lemongrass	Asparagus	Pawpaw
Catnip	Artichokes	Watermelon
Dill(s)	Cabbage
Fennel	Brocolli
Lavender	Cucumbers
Rosemary	Cauliflower
Tarragon	Edamame
Chamomille	Peas
Lambs Quarters	Squash(s)
Chickweed	Eggplant
Echinacea	Okra
Ginger	Corn
Ginseng	Amaranth
Horseradish	Collards
Mustard	Greens
Wasabi	Brussel Sprouts
Stevia	Rhubarb

I'm still sure that I'm missing some stuff - some of the more 'unusual' herbs and plants that I've heard of in my travels around the web, as well as almost ALL of the medicinal herbs and plants. This is my wish list of stuff, as I doubt I'll be able to plant (or afford!) all of this stuff in the first year (or two). If anything, I want to start with the fruit trees, as they will be the most expensive, and then just work up to having everything else. I'm also pretty sure that I'm missing some fruits, but thinking over what we usually eat - I can't think of any that I'm missing that we can actually GROW. Hmmm - I wonder if we can grow limes and lemons in Memphis? It most likely gets too cold during the winter - and I'm not even THINKING about building a greehouse right off. Though, I do want to keep every single storm window that we have on the house to use as glass for the greenhouse/cold boxes that we DO eventually build.

Ahhh, fun, fun, fun.

Me & The Hubster are meeting at Home Depot tonight to pick out/up paint and primer and the like so that we can start painting/priming stuff - I also want to look at garden tools, as the ones I have now are CRAP, and if we are going to hire someone to tackle the yard (which seems to be the consensous we've reached) I'm going to need to transplant some of the more interesting plants.

Busy, Busy, Busy. But soooo much fun.