Further stuff....

I figure that if I heighten my independant level of sexual interest, that I will be able to extend that - attraction/passion - towards him. So, to that aim, I try to get MYSELF off at least 3 times a week - usually when I go to bed before him, I'll lay there, work up a nice little fantasy (or a continuation thereof) and have a sweet little orgasm. I love my vibrator, by the way - no clue what it's called, but it's hot pink, and has a little 'bulb' on the end of a shaft - and the bulb is angled slighty - so I can position it between my legs, and it hits me in JUUUSSSST the right spot. Lovely.

Anyhow, as I've gone through and built various fantasies, I've realized that it's the perverted stuff that turns me on. It's distinct power shifts that turn me on. It's slutty wives, sluttier daughters, and the many many men who fuck them that turns me on. Thinking about a woman and her husband having sex in the back of a car - boring. Thinking about a woman having sex in the back of the car with her husband's best friend while her husband drives and jerks off listening to them - hoooooooot. Thinking about a highschool girl fucking the whole football team - boring. Thinking about her coming home full of cum and fucking her stepfather next to the pool - hooooooooooot.

So - how do I work that into my relationship - with the husband who tells me that while he wouldn't MIND a threesome - I'm the only woman he really desires/wants/needs. How can I sit him down and tell him - I'm not really into fucking you - but I WANT to fuck other men - and then come home and fuck you? Gah. I don't know if he's willing to have an open relationship to save our sex life. I seriously doubt it.....and I will NOT do it behind his back.

And then, I feel enourmously guilty about infidelity being my 'button'. Of course, there's nothing better than something new, but - that's just SO unacceptable to - society as a whole. I mean, marriage is SUPPOSED to be mostly about faithfulness, right? And even as I say this, I know that I've got some serious poly tendencies, but - my husband doesn't. A lot of times though, it's not even the actuality of someone else, it's the POTENTIAL of having someone else that makes it really exciting. Talk about some deliciously forbidden fruit - yuuuummm.

I'm a promiscious little slut, that's the problem. And dammit, if I can't fuck whoever my fancy takes, I'll be celibate - and oddly enough, I can do either, casually and comfortably. It's this whole one man my whole world thing that bugs me.