Swimmingly

For some evil, evil reason, there is a scale in the big women's bathroom at work (as if we don't have ENOUGH to fret about at work - oh yeah, here, see how much you weigh every time you take a leak!!!).  Of course, unable to resist temptation, I clambered my gradually getting plumper ass on it.  Now, while I won't tell you the numbers (suffice it to say it looks like I might as well have never gotten chummy with Dr. Atkins all of three years ago) I was - stunned. Not really shocked, as I know the beast lied, and McDonalds is a curse (damn you FiletofFish - DAMN YOU!) but stunned. STUNNED I tell you. So - I climbed down (it's one of the doctor scales kind too which CLUNKS when you get off just to EMPAHSIZE the weight) and immeadiately retreated to my desk to find the closest Y that offers swimming lessons.  I LOVE the water - love it - love it - but never actually learned how to swim. For the longest time, it was simply the fact that I couldn't SEE in the water - glasses + pool = nerdly mcnerd, and contacts + pool = stupid & painful but as I've had perfect eyes (thank you Mr. Lasik!!) for the last two years, no longer any excuse.  I have no fear of water (which includes going white water rafting twice - as a NON-swimmer with contacts as well as ocean sports like riding a banana boat driven by an insane Dominican who wanted to see the american girls boobs bounce - my best friend is as well endowed as me, but slimmer in the wasit and hips) but I've just never gotten off my slowly spreading ass and learned how to swim. So - it's summer time, and a cool dip in water every few days sounds like a lovely thing.

Therefore, I go to the YMCA of Memphis page, and am presented with a plethora of options.  (ohhh, big word! and spelled right! I think......) but now - which one should I go to?

1) Fogelman YMCA - downtown, 6 minutes from my house. Classes in the evening (I think - I've emailed asking for thier adult swim schedule).  Upsides? 6 minutes from home. downsides - downtown. I shudder to think of the types of traffic drama I'd have to deal with on game nights (as it's right across from the ballpark) or really - any other kind of night in the lovely summer on Beale Street. Besides all of the lovely blond pneumatic types who might frequent it (nothing against blond women! I wanna be blond! Seriously - I'm considering bleaching my hair....but me & the hair thing is a WHOLE nother entry). Me in a bathing suit is bad enough, I don't need (okay want - seeing her might give me some MO-Ti-Vaaaaation) to see perky mcsexy doing laps next to me.

2) Mason YMCA - off of Central, 9 minutes from home. Classes from 7:30 til 8:30, Mon-Thursday, at a most reasonable rate - 85.00 (as a non-member, 55.00 for a member), for two weeks of classes, 4 days a week. Open swim for free for members Tuesday/Thursday evenings, and Saturday & sunday Mornings (I'm actually suprised a ymCa is open on Sunday - esp in the South). Downsides? Umm... 9 minutes from home (yes, that's the lazy heifer side of me peeking out) upsides - NOT downtown, but still close. Convienent times....and the classes start next month. 

Thus giving me enough time to work my way through the largest downside of a swimming class.......... purchasing a bathing suit. (Why'd I call it a bathing suit rather than a swimming suit? hmm... no clue  - Freudian slip of the type of outfit I'd purchase, most likely).  While I utterly heart Tarjay, and their bathing suits, and this is the perfect season (oooh excuses, excuses) I HATE buying them. I've got - almost giganourmus tatas (I shudder to think of the kind/size/price of nursing bras I'll have to purchase at some point in the not-at-all-close future) and a VERY short waist. Most of me is boob and leg, seriously. Sooooo.....buying a swimsuit that 1) supports the girls (there is a limit to how much they'll float) AND 2) isn't ugly - I'm such a spoiled little fashionista and 3) costs LESS than 100 bucks (why is it the items that include the LEAST fabric - swimsuits, bras, underwear - cost the damn most I'll never understand) it's a - frustrating enterprise, to say the least.

But. I've got three weeks to do it. And do it, I shall. I love the water, I won't sweat while I'm swimming (or at least I won't feel it) and it won't stress my fragile little knees and ankles - besides building lovely amounts of shapely musckules.

Besides, if I drink like a fish, I might as well be able to move like one, yes?