Even in my dreams....

Once again, a crazy ass dream….

There was a group of us, women who lived together in a castle type place, and each of us had a pet/familiar of some type. My pet… I think it was a bird/cat mix…like a baby griffin. I had to create a safe haven for it, because it was rather skilled at escaping form almost any kind of structure, and it was still too young to have a good sense of what was dangerous and what was not. So I created a sanctuary to protect it while I was waiting for the birth of my baby sister…who was being born to a woman who was actually younger than me…so perhaps our relationship was going to be more of a sisterly one than one of mother and daughter. Anyhow, I got to the hospital just in time to witness her birth. Her mother didn’t want the baby… and somehow I had been picked to be her guardian. After the baby was born and cleaned some, she was handed to me, and I broke down sobbing from an odd mix of joy and jealously and amazement at how absolutely gorgeous this child was.
Then they took the baby to the nursery, and I met a few of the women that I lived with. We wanted to go to the nursery to see her, and on our way there we stopped to get something to eat. As we were carrying our food out, I saw the baby’s mother lying on the ground, shivering with cold. I’m not sure if it was forbidden to help her, or what, but all I did was cover her with a blanket that came from nowhere, and then I went on to look at my baby sister…and that’s all I can remember. I know that there was actually a good bit more to the dream than that… but that was the part that stuck to me the strongest.

I haven’t had a really strong emotional dream in a good while. After I woke up and started thinking about it, I found it interesting that I had an emotional dream relating to babies after so long of a period of not having them at all…and the last few that I have had have been mostly violent emotions. * shrugs* I don’t know what it is with me and the whole baby longing thing…but in talking to a sister my age while I was here, she said that the urge hits her too sometimes. Is that just a mid twenties thing?? Suddenly the urge to have a child pops up scarily frequently? I figure it is a sly attack on our minds by our bodies, which knows quite well that this is just about the best time for us to have kids. *shrugs * I’m assuming this only happens to women who really want kids…at least I hope so.
Maybe I need to have a bit of a chat with my mother hmmm?

Stay Jazzed.

Aura Magic

There is something really peaceful and secure about hanging out with gay men. I always feel like…a whole creature around them. If I was the only woman in a room full of straight men, there would always be that palpable sexual imbalance that puts me slightly on edge. Around gay men though,,, it isn’t there, I feel like a whole person…. one who is not just a woman, but at the same time is without a doubt a woman. * smiles* I can’t help feeling anything but secure in myself around them, and perhaps that is sad that it takes basically an almost total lack of sexual desire in order for me to feel totally secure…but at the same time I have a desire to be viewed as a sexual person. *shrugs * I just know that being told that I am a cool person to me is on of the greatest compliments possible. *smiles * It’s like being told that you have a beautiful aura...it’s an appreciation of something that is totally based on WHO you are, not what you look like, or how much money you make, or what you wear….It’s a compliment that touches the deepest parts of who I really am… and it makes me feel beautiful, even if that wasn’t the intention of the compliment giver. Being told that I am pretty is so much shallower to me, simply because it is. That is one of the first things anyone notices about you, what you look like,.. and being complemented on something that is just sooooo damn obvious is like.. *shrugs * I don’t know….being told that a Hershey’s bar is chocolate. *laughs * Maybe what it really means is that most of the time I have no doubt about my attractiveness, but I do have doubts about my personality.

Ah well… my friend seems to be having some internet connection issues, so I don’t know if I will be able to post this today, but I will give a good old fashioned try…

Stay Jazzed.

Good Vibrations...

Intro: I got here in one piece. Had the wonderful good luck to be able to get an upgrade to 1st class. Ohhh how riche ya know?? I sometimes wonder what folx think of me (if anything) seeing this young, very casually dressed, dreadlocked black woman chilling in 1st class. Trust me.. I look no where NEAR that solvent. Then again, maybe they don’t think a damn thing of it and I am hunting for racism where there really is none.
Though I have to admit.. I have never seen any body else who looks like me in first class.
The friend I am staying with has a computer, and I trust him.. so I might be making an entry almost daily…and when I get to my mom’s house I will to. I won’t have time to read though, which will give me plenty of stuff to do once I get home.


Ever meet people and just resonate with their energy?? Most of my good friends I have met that way, where there is just a vibe that draws me in and makes me want to know more about that person. It’s one of those things you truly can’t force…either it is there or it is not, but it isn’t really the classic chemistry ‘thing’ either. It’s a click. I want to figure out how to handle it when I feel that click with someone and would like to examine and explore it more. With Cheffy, I just gave him my number, and hoped that he would call, but implied in that there was the possibility of something more. But what if that isn’t there? Do you just tell that person.. hey… I think I might wanna get to know you better… I think we click. What is the proper procedure, as a grownup, with no kids say – ‘Will you be my friend??’

I see various people on here talk about how they are e-mailing people, and creating a virtual (and in some cases, not so virtual) community outside of this one, and I have to wonder… how DO they do that???

I guess one of the dangers of a low level of socialization as a child is not learning how to make (and hold onto) my own friends.

Ugh. Enough of the pity party for tonight hmmm?? Besides, I need to take my happy butt to bed.


Stay Jazzed.

So Long, Farewell....

Well....

It's about that time. I am actually coming to work tommorow morning (how ugly is that) so I will be able to get my last fix...at least for a week. I'll keep track of what I get into (painting the towns RED baby!!!) while I'm there so I can regale ya'll with tales when I get back.

See ya on the flip side.

Stay Jazzed.

Manic Wednesday

AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! No OD?? There HAS to be OD. This is gonna be my last guaranteed OD day… how can it be down?? This is just totally unacceptable. I need my fix. *sighs* Or maybe it is just me… maybe the network is just screwy. Yeah yeah… it’s the network. *shivers*

Okay. I STILL haven’t talked to Cheffy. This is ridiculous. *shrugs* I’m really I’m reallly gonna hate leaving Gio alone for a whole week.. and I’m scared to think of the state my house is going to be in. I am going to get one of those extended waterers and leave a big ole pan of food out. *sighs* This sucks. This is one of those times that it would be good if I did have two cats… that way Gio wouldn’t be just totally bored, and he might not get too people shy. I’m also gonna leave the TV on…that should entertain him.

YAAYYY!! Okay. Now I have to stop and read…since OD is back.

Stay Jazzed

Another Meaningless Entry

*deep breath* *reaalllly deep breath* Okay. I’m about to go BATTY. It’s cruel and unusual punishment to be both tired and bored, and yet forbidden from going to sleep…and your feet hurt too much to just wander around in order to wake yourself up. Cruel and unusual punishment I say. I can’t chat to anyone online as my company was smart enough to block that, none of my favorites are writing on the OD… *sighs* And FoxTrot is starting to get just a little dull…and the fact that the part that I am reading now is all about summer vacation reallllly doesn’t help either. I’m so tired I am seriously considering calling a cab to take me home tonight… damn the bus. *sighs*

Well… cleaned out the change jar at work and I have LOADS of change in there. I have a mug from school on my desk and most of the change that I have from lunch or coffee I just dump the coins in. Hmm… I only took out the silver stuff, and I will take that home and dump it in my random coin jar there. That jar saved my ass many a day while I was in school, letting me scrounge up just a dollar or two for lunch. :) It’s a useful habit to keep.

Ohhhh… I might have some work to do at some point in time in the future. *rolls eyes* I swear, these people like to torment me… one week I am almost in heaven… the next week I have been thrown back into purgatory…if it last for more than a week then.. and only then…am I in hell.
Blather blather blah blah blah.

Hm. I could be off hunting for a cheaper internet access provider. *yawwwwnnnn* maybe later. *grins* See… I’m bored AND laz.y… such an ugly combination.

Hm. My toes don’t hurt when I take my shoes off. *wiggles toes cheerfully* Man…I have vacationitis. I know I’m about to be out of here so I am acting like I’m practically gone.

*hums happily to self* ahhhh.. work work work. How wonderful.

DAMN! Of course, the moment… the very moment that I actually get work to do… the damn system goes down. *rolls eyes in utter disgust* Computers.

Stay Jazzed

Before Lunch - After Lunch

Hm. I think today will be a day of prolific entries. I actually feel like writing, and there is not a damn thing else going on here today. What’s going on in my life?? Nothing much. I feel so much better after the Bra Rant, but *shrugs* I don’t know. I finished reading poppyseed’s diary, so that wonderful source of entertainment is gone.

Hmm. Lunch. What a delightful interruption to the day. There was a ‘cookout’ here, that due to the weather they moved inside. Food wasn’t half bad. I have noticed that I eat a lot less now. *shrugs* I’m just not as hungry, and I get full a lot quicker. Good bad.. I don’t know… I’m just working with it.

I have changed my mind…I’m not going jean shopping tonight. I’m tired, I’m certainly wearing the wrong shoes, and I need to wash clothes. I haven’t worn these shoes in a while (professional looking heels rather than my usual summer sandals) and my toes are NOT happy about being slammed into confinement once again. *sighs* Besides I’m just TIRED. I need to get my rest… there is nothing worse than going on vacation and wasting a day or two just getting your rest. I think I’m going to duck out of here a little early too… especially if it stays this dead.

Hm. I guess I will have to go back to reading comics to pass the time. Fox Trot is hilarious….

Stay Jazzed.

A tale of two Boobs

Ah. A brief rant.

I hate hate hate hate the idiots who make bras. I hate them with a passion. Would you like to know why?

1) They are under the delusion that the bigger your boob are the bigger your back is. HELLO??? Some of us are just well endowed without having a back the size of a linebackers.

2) The change well above 30 bucks for a few scraps of fabric and wire and elastic. I mean REALLY. Why is it that I can buy a shirt (off the rack, not even from a discount place) that covers my ENTIRE upper body…for less than it costs to buy a bra that covers roughly one third of my upper body?

3) Another delusion is that the endowed ladies are all 50 and above. Don’t most women’s breasts tend to get SMALLER as you get older?? Then why are bras of a suitable size (if you can find them) All white or beige and utterly utterly hideous?? I mean I KNOW my boobs are big but if I wanted something to scare small children, I would buy a mask.

Why the rant you may ask?? Because the bra manufactures KNOW that you have to wear bras to fit into most clothes properly…if you aren’t like amazingly perky. And once you slide above that DD line… perkiness tends to be the first thing to go. So I have to wear a bra every day of my life. No choice. However, every single solitary bra I own (and I own a lot…I figure through trial and error I will hit on something right) has something wrong with it. As I am ranting… I’m gonna go through them.

a) The cup stops about a quarter inch above my nipple. If I lean forward too fast… PLOP…out comes the whole boob. Okay for the club and verrrryyy low cut shirts…bad for work.
b) The underwire is 1) made of old knife blades and slices through the bra in two washing flat or 2) the underwire is made of some cheap stuff that as soon as I lean back breaks right in the middle and stabs me in my rib cage for the rest of the day.
c) The bullet look went out with Marilyn. Nuff said.
d) The underwire meets in the middle and pokes out from my chest like an odd third nipple.
e) The cup is justttttt small enough so that while it fits comfortably, I have the dreaded boob-bubble if I shift the wrong way.

Most of the bras that actually fit me right, fell victim to issue b in some form or another. I know of no way to fix an underwire once it has escaped. *sighs* So…where does that leave me? It leaves me with seriously having to consider dropping over 50 bucks on a single bra to get something that fits me right and will last for more than two washings…just because I’m blessed with an abundant bosom. It’s NOT FAIR!!!

My large breasted readers….any ideas or suggestions? The bras I’m considering (only because I have heard good things about them) are carried only by Nordstrom’s (yeah.. I knew I was screwed then) and the brand is called Lunaire (I think) Do any of you ladies know where I can find a reasonable 38-40 DDD-F sized bras for less than an expensive steak dinner? I have even considered buying nursing bras. *sighs* But that little snap opening thing would just freak me out a bit much. I’m not totally sure of what size I would wear because I haven’t been able to FIND any that size…except for on e-bay… and some of them fit and some of them didn’t. And since one of the twins is just a teensy bit bigger than the other one...not enough to eyeball (unless you are starting REALLLLLY hard) but enough to make a difference in bra fit...it REALLLLLLLLLLLLY doesn't help. When a supposed 40 DDD bra fits tighter than an old 38 D I still have… there is CLEARLY a problem.

HEEEEEELLLLPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Stay Jazzed… and perky if you are so lucky.

Go SpeedRacer Go!

Ugh. So tired so tired so tired. After I left work yesterday, I ran home (not literally.. trust me) changed clothes as it was getting a little chilly, hopped n another bus and began my Cat Carrier adventures. I didn’t get back home until 10:30. Ugh. I feel like I have been running full blast for the past few days, even though I really don’t think that I have been. *shrugs* Anyhow…
Tonight’s plans are to wash clothes, do my hair, hopefully talk to Cheffy, and maybe pack. Ugh. I was hoping to be able to pack light, but looking at the weather forecasts that may not be a good idea. A cold Jazzy is a grumpy Jazzy, as we all know, and so I won’t be able to pack my usual light summer wear. *sighs* Hm. This is an EXCELLENT excuse to buy a new pair of jeans. *thinks* I would have to do it tonight, as Gio has a vet appointment tomorrow and I am leaving Thursday morning. *sighs* Well. My money isn’t TOO shabby, for a week long fun trip in the sun. And then there are only two weeks after that when I get back before the next pay day so… I should be set. *sighs* Yeah… I’mma go and get some jeans tonight. Old Navy I’m thinking…they tend to have cool stuff in roomy sizes.

*yawns* It’s sad. It’s only quarter till nine ad I can’t WAIT until today is over.

Stay Jazzed.

Weekend Update with Jazzy

Wonderful wonderful wonderful weekend. Friday I was basically a lazy bug, not doing much of anything…trying to gear myself up for the overwhelming task that was facing me on Saturday.
Saturday, I cleaned my house. Scrubbed the floors, vacuumed the whole house, cleaned the kitchen top to bottom, cleaned my room and made my bed. It only took me about 4 hours, which really isn’t too bad. After that I went grocery shopping, and bought myself some flowers. Didn’t realize until I got home and put them in a really big cup (I had run out of vases) that one of the flowers was a pale copy of the dream flower. It doesn’t have any smell though. :(
I also finally went to the library and took back the thirty something books that had been cluttering up my windowsills for most of the year. :) It’s almost scary how clean my house is… but I really like it that way. I am going to start making a conscious effort to keep it clean from now on.
Sunday was rather laid back. I had a taste for McDonalds so I went down town and did some quick shopping. I got a lovely blue vase that sets off the dream flower just right. Pictures are definitely forthcoming for this one. Hmmm… what else?

Talked to some of my friends at ‘home’ over the weekend. I will most likely go up to Philly on the 28th, giving me at least two days there. *nods* Yeah it’s uneven, but I haven’t seen my DC friends for longer. *sighs* I REALLY need to make some friends here. Blagh.

Argh. I hate it when I am thinking of something to write about and them someone interrupts me and POOF! All of the information is just gone. *sighs* Dammit that is going to drive me mad. Umph.

Back. And I still don’t remember what the hell I was going to talk about. *sighs* Ah well.

I’ve made a decision for myself. Henceforth… from two weekends ago and ever on…I am NOT going to stay in the house and veg out and watch tv all weekend. I might not be able to get pictures and the like like I want to, but I WILL get out. Even if it is just a quick trip to the library or something. My main goal is to figure out cool fun places to go that require me spending as little money as possible. Of course, the nicer weather has something to do with this, but also the fact that I just don’t wanna veg out. *shrugs* I don’t know… I’m hitting a mild level of frustration in my relationship with Cheffy, and my way of handling that kind of irritation tends to be getting more independent. Hm. That’s not putting it quite right. I get more selfish I guess you could say. I start doing more just for ME… and not even thinking about him. *rolls eyes*
I know where a lot of my irritation with him is coming form, and it is a mix of general disgust with him, and disgust with myself for letting him get away with this crap for so long. One of the things that I have already gone through in my life, and that I am currently dealing with the repercussions from, is being financially irresponsible. *shrugs* I’ve been there, I’ve done that, and I am not interested in getting too deeply involved with someone who is still going through that phase in their life. *shrugs* I guess basically, the honeymoon is SO over, and I am just settling into dealing with the real life bit. Of course, the fact that he is hard as hell to get in touch with (now that he isn’t using my house as his own crash pad…unless I’m not there… which is a WHOLE nother rant) it’ s hard to *shrugs* hard to grab him and sit him down and just talk.
I’m considering asking for my keys back. *sighs* It’s not that I want to break up with him, it’s just that I want to change to status quo. I don’t feel much like a girlfriend anymore. *shrugs* I want to go back to the whole woo-ing state…cuz I think he feels like I am won, and I ain’t. *shakes head* Confusion, confusion.

In other news, I finally got digital cable. It’s pretty cool. I can’t tell all that much difference in the picture quality, but I love the music channels and the additional movie channels. *nods* It’s cool.. and the new remote is funky too. *laughs* It fits the way I watch TV much better, since most of the time the tv is just on for the noise and I am reading or just chilling anyhow…so having the music channels makes it PERFECT. *grins* However, we will see if I am still quite as cheerful when I get the first months bill for it.
I just cancelled my AOL. I reallllly don’t get alone enough at home to make it worth while. In fact, I rarely even turn on the computer when I am at home. After 8-9 hours on the computer here, the last thing I wanna do is go home and sign on. Yeech. So now I’m back on the prowl for a worthy free internet access program that will let me get on in those rare times when I reallllly need to hop on while I’m at home.

Hmm… off for some surfing…

Stay Jazzed

What Next (part 2

Okay... a few note replies

1) Thanks for the updates about what the Immaculate Conception truly is, but in Gibbon's Rise and Fall, the point was that Mary had NOTHING to do with the idea of conceiving Christ except as a incubator. She had no choice in the matter... you see? Once she was filled with the Divine Sperm (and she was told… not given the option) all that mattered was that she carry the child to term.

*smiles* Now I am going to have to go home and re-read the book. Anyone who might be interested in a rather fascinating exploration of gender roles and far far far far right conspiracies might want to pick this book up and read it. Sheri Tepper has some fascinating...thoughts on gender.

2) I know the fact about pills not allowing you to ovulate (mainly because they fool your body into thinking you are pregnant anyhow). I was just making the point of how ‘some people’ come up with the craziest things.

*sighs*

Relating to another Entry:
I'm trying to decide if I should be thrilled that enough random people are reading me that I got half assedly sniped, or if I should be pissed that I got half assedly sniped.

Stay Jazzed.

What Next?

Hm. Just read a most interesting article….

Woman Convicted of Killing Her Fetus
A woman was convicted Wednesday and sentenced to 12 years in prison for killing her unborn child by using crack cocaine during her pregnancy.
The verdict marks the first time a woman in the United States has been found guilty of homicide for taking drugs during pregnancy, an advocate for the defendant claimed.
The case also opens the door for prosecutors to charge women with neglect under other conditions, such as smoking during pregnancy, said Wyndi Anderson, executive director of the South Carolina Advocates for Pregnant Women.
A jury found Regina McKnight, 24, guilty after deliberating just 15 minutes. She could have faced a life sentence. McKnight`s lawyers said they will appeal.
The state Supreme Court ruled in 1996 that a viable fetus is considered a child and mothers can be charged with abuse if they took drugs after their unborn child was able to live outside the womb.
McKnight`s baby was stillborn in 1999 at 35 weeks. She is the mother of three other children and is two months pregnant.
``The state needed to press forward because a child ended up dead,` prosecutor Bert von Herrmann said. ``She smoked cocaine as much and as often as she could ... if that`s not extreme indifference to life, I don`t know what is.`
But defense attorney Orrie West said the brief deliberations indicate the jury punished McKnight because she was a drug addict.
``Given almost all of the trial involved complex medical testimony, I don`t think the jury weighed it like they should,` West said.
The defense said an inflammation of the placenta, which could have at least two causes other than drug use, killed the fetus.
This was McKnight`s second trial; a mistrial was declared in January after two jurors used the Internet to look up medical information.



Now…if she was convicted of this, how soon will someone convict of woman who has had an abortion of killing her fetus? *sighs* I know that in this trial, it was a ‘viable’ fetus, but lawyers are good at using whatever they can. It’s just things like this that make me nervous.
It reminds me of a book I once read called Gibbon’s Decline and Fall by Sheri Tepper, about how there is a growing Immaculate Conception attitude developing about women’s bodies when it comes to pregnancy. The IC attitude was basically defined as viewing women as only vessel to hold the Divine Sperm, and once that sperm was in them, no matter what, they were destined to become mothers, no matter how inappropriate it my have been for them to be expected to be mothers. Furthermore, once the child was born, the mother was no longer quite as important, only the child mattered.
It comes to a point where there is a dangerously fine line between expecting women to take responsibility for the results of their actions, and granting them the freedom to try and prevent themselves from making an even bigger mistake.
Not every woman who gets pregnant is ready, willing or able to be a mother. That is a simple fact of human psychology and biology. Forcing anyone to become a mother, or penalizing anyone who chooses not to be a mother can end up with a child being forcibly placed into an abusive situation. *sighs*
Did you know that there are Christian groups who are protesting the use of birth control pills because they can allow conception, but prevent implantation? In other words, they view the pill as a very very very early abortion. *sighs*
There are times when it feels like being a sexually independent woman is a right that ‘some people’ are slowly trying to chip away…yet you hear so little about sexually responsible men. Hm. Makes you wonder.
Stay Jazzed.

Recap

Welll… I finally have a chance to settle down and actually write an entry. This week has been rather hectic (work –wise) and as we all know that I don’t believe in getting on the computer at home (it’s just so inconvenient) I haven’t had a real chance to write. Now, most of the documentation is done, the system is going down at noon, and life is just generally laid back.
I’ve had a good week…full of work. I’ve been getting here early and actually WORKING until I wanted to leave… or until I ‘had’ to leave I should say…one of the ugly parts about riding the bus. I feel like OS much more of a valuable part of the team now, like I really can make a difference. :)
Ummm… what else? Personal life? *rolls eyes in utter disgust* Okay… I really don’t know WHAT the hell Cheffy is tripping on. Or even if he is tripping…but I am going to have to sit down with him and have another talk with him. *shrugs* I haven’t talked to him all week. I page him occasionally and leave a message…he doesn’t call me back. I can’t call him at home because… his phone still isn’t turned on. HE hasn’t called me in days. The last time he was at my house …Tuesday I think it was…he was in a stank mood, and thus I was in a stank mood too. *rolls eyes* The part that pisses me off the most is that he is being stank because I told him (no asking.. I TOLD him) that if he was going to treat my house as a second home, then I expected him to pay for it like it was his second home. I wasn’t asking for too much… and I wasn’t even asking him to pay part of the rent… all I was asking was that the stuff that he uses, he either replaces or gives me money for… in other words, don’t freaking use me. *shrugs* Yeah, it was partially my fault because I LET him do it in the first place… but… *rolls eyes* really… I’m NOT interested in adopting a child at this point in my life, and if he is going to sulk and act bitchy and distance himself from me because I ask him to do what he should have been doing anywaaaayyy… *shrugs* Fuck Him. I love the man to no end, but I will not be taken advantage of. And until this is clear, any kind of relationship that we have will be strained.
Anywayy.. on to more fun topics. I went to the mall downtown yesterday, and found out that the World of Discovery was going out of business. OF course, I had to go in there and go mad mad shopping… I ended up with two “make your own beaded hair decorations” kits, and a stress puzzle for the office. I’m gonna have fun with the bead kits… I have been itching to make some hair jewelry so I can decorate my locs. I don’t want to color them again, because I think the first time I colored them dried them out, and I have horrrid split ends that I am afraid to cut off. So I’m just going to do the whole sun-lightening thing, and some hair jewelry. I want to have some stuff created to match the outfits that I am taking to DC with me so I can have lovely coordinating jewelry. *grins* I am sooooo excited about this trip.
Gio is GROWING so fast. In the…has it been three weeks? Since I got him, he has lost a lot of that kittenish look. When he runs it isn’t the odd little rocking kitten run, but a more normal cat run. His tail isn’t half as attitudinal now, I guess it was just too short to hang down *LOL*. He still wakes me up at like 5:00am… but today he let me sleep. I really don’t want to take him to the kennel, but I am not going to rely on Cheffy to take care of my little precious. I hope he doesn’t get toooo mad at me. Giovanni that is.
*yawns* I’m sleepy, so I’m off to read more of Poppyseed’s diary (she a good one guys..a really great read… go and read!!!)

Stay Jazzed.

Ceeeleeebration Time... come ON!

*SCREAMMMMSSS*

*DANCES AROUND*

*LAUGHS OUT LOUD*

Oh my gooodddddddddd!!!!! I’m DONE ya’ll… officially completely and TOTALLY DONE!!! I’mma get my DEGREE (finally)!! I got my grades from the teacher.. and I got a B out of the CLASS! I got a high B on the final (which was WAAYY more than I needed to pass) and I am DONE! *grins* You have just no clue about how THRILLLED I am. It’s odd… I have felt like a sham for a while cuz I KNEW I hadn’t really graduated just yet…. But I’m DONE now. I took a quick screaming break in my head… since I am at work. Thrilled ya hear me??? It wasn’t as if I was really worried about not having passed the test/class… it is just that now that I have.. and I KNOW that I am done…. Man you can’t tell me NOTHIN!!! *giggles and grins* Man… I wanna call my momma… but I don’t have her danggone work number. : ) So you guys ar the first to know…. : )

Um.. what else?? I talked to most of my friends last night about me coming over.. : ) It’s gonna be fun. I gotta talk to my main sista sukey today and see what her schedule looks like so that I know when I am going to go up to Philly. *wiggles* Life is good ya’ll.

I’m reading “The Broke Diaries” man…. Talk about bringing back memories. I ain’t allowed to complain about money NO more. Cuz I do remember those days… and mercy knows I’m doing a lot better now. Ow I understand more how people just start spending more money without even realizing it… *sighs*

Well.. I gotta do some work.. I just had to share my joy right quick.

*grins*

Stay Jazzed.

Living la vida Broka

Ugh. Working days are the best at the worst all at the same time…but it’s grand to have stuff to do. I was so worried for a while today that I would not be able to make it to DC for my vacation because the airline tickets (since it a a couple of days short of 14) were SO expensive. But I took a risk and went for the Bargain fare thing, where it is a blind fare. You know what DAY you are leaving and returning, and what airport you are flying in and out of, but you don’t know who you are flying on, and you don’t know what time. I thought I was going to get suck with some red eye flight on ConAir…but instead I got a nice afternoon flight on USAir…nonstop no less. Talk about being THRILLED!! I had to re- read the itinerary couple of times to be sure that I was seeing it right. And I got the ticket for UNDER 200 bucks… ten days before I want to leave… ya can’t beat THAT with a stick. *wiggles with joy* Anyhow… I am calling people tonight to set up hang out times and places… but I have the most important thing, which is a place to stay, and if worst comes to worst and they all stand me up, I will just chill in DC and go to all the free stuff like the zoo and the Smithsonian and all that jazz… which I haven’t been to in AGES. So no matter HOW it goes, I am going to have a bomb ass vacation.

I don’t know WHAT the hell is up with Cheffy. I paged him Sunday, and he called me back yesterday and left a reallllly odd message. Yeah I was home, but I wasn’t in a talking/answer the phone kind of mood. And as he is the only one who would call me from a pay phone… I knew it was him. AS for the message…it just didn’t sound right. Now, I don’t want to read to much into this, but if he has jumped attitude cuz I told him he needed to start hauling his own damn load… hm. Issues anyone? *rolls eyes* If that IS the case….I think I will cuss him out, then kick his ass to the curb. Why? Because.. if he is gonna jump an attitude when I speak out… and tell him what is on my mind that is not all sun shiny and ‘Oh you are just the greatest dude around’-ish… clearly that does not bode well for any long term interactions, right? *groans* Childish. Anyhow… I would be kinda upset cuz I was kinda hoping he would take care of Gio while I was gone. *grins* If he doesn’t, I will have to take him to a kennel. I don’t wanna leave my baby all alone for a week… that is just TOOOO long. The vet has a nice kennel, and I wouldn’t have to worry about him getting any yicky stuff. And since I am taking him in for his second check-up the day before I go to the vet, hopefully it won’t be too bad. *sighs*

Ummm..what else? I’m considering taking an art class over the summer/fall. After going to the art festival, which was held at the Indy Arts Center, jus the thought of being able to mess with clay or blow glass or do woodcuts was just soo… exciting. I mean it seems like just the thing for me… right up my alley in other words. I’m starting to think about whether or not I want to get a second job once I get my car. *laughs* Actually… I’m trying to think of ways to avoid getting a second job after I get my car. It’s going to be interesting for me to balance what I would really like to do with what I really NEED to do. I would prefer, for my own piece of mind, to have a bit of a second income once I start paying a car note…but on the same foot, I would hate to be…limited in what I can do once I get that car because I have another job. Perhaps it could be just a short term thing, until I finish paying off my credit card bills. *sighs*

I am going to pick up this book from the library today called “The Broke Diaries” about how broke this chicky was in college. I need to refresh my memory on how FUN and DO-able that was so that I know in my mind and heart that I can pull this off now. Though I have to admit that the way I did it then was to not pay most of my bills except for the ones that insured I had a roof over my head and lights…but maybe I need to get back to that. *sighs* Though I WOULD miss my cable…hmm.. that would really be the only thing I would be able to ditch. That and my apartment of course. *sighs*

Well… work is taking me over again… I’m off…

*LOL* I signed off with my real name for a second there…. I have been writing WAY too many emails.; )

Stay Jazzed

Weekends...

I had a lovely weekend… went out, spent money I didn’t have, FINALLY sent off my mother’s Mother’s Day/Birthday gift….slept.. washed clothes… took pictures… I just had a GRAND old time. Actually haven’t talked to Cheffy in a bit… I think he is sulking. *snorts* brat. Annnyyyywaaayyyy….I’m in a really good mood…expect for the fact that my underwear keep wanting to turn themselves into thongs. : ) TMI perhaps?? I guess that is a good sign though, cuz that means they are getting too big. YAAYYY!!! I’m also going to buy my ticket tomorrow *crosses fingers* I hope that it is not too toooo expensizze. *sighs* But I have GOT to get home an see my peoples…. I miss them so much. I need to call the dinky heads tonight and try to see what we can do… see how much we can get together. I am considering asking Papi if I can visit him… but that might be a bad idea. Humph. I want to pack light so that I can travel on my own…in fact I’m purposely flying into a particular airport so that I can catch the Metro from there.

Okay.. finally… after a LONG period of foot dragging… here are the lovely pictures of my sweet little demon kitty.


Artistic Giovanni

Annnnddd…


Sleepy Giovanni


Ain’t he lovely? Ain’t he cute?? Don’t you just wanna scoop him up and hug him and kiss him all over his fuzzy little face????

Well. I do! Even thought the fact that he sleeps on my hair tends to be vaguelllly annoying…. : )

Oh yeah!! I lost the harnesss that my coworker gave me (ain’t THAT a bitch?? ) on my way home from work, and so I went to the pet store and got a much smaller cheap one. He didn’t mind it at all… but I don’t really turst it because it only goes around his legs, not his neck. I KNOW how cats can wiggle, so I am going to go back and get the full harness thingy. *LOL* I’m gonna be walking a cat… can you believe it??

OH! While I was at the Arts Festival this weekend.. I SAW the Dream Orange color. It was the exact same color as the hot glass inside a glass furnace...which runs between 2100 and 3000 degrees.

Okay… I’m going to go and catch up on everybody that I missed cuz I was off on Friday…

Stay Jazzed.

Glow

I had the most interesting dream last night. Me and my mommy were going around looking at little houses, because I wanted to buy one. We were in a ‘okay’ neighborhood, and there were like three houses for sale on the same block. Each house we went to had something wrong with it…one didn’t have a kitchen, one didn’t have a backyard, but the last one was the oddest. We walked into the house and there was a border of flowers going around the inside of the living room. In the kitchen, there was a huge island, where there would usually be a stove and a dishwasher and all that kind of stuff, but instead there was a huge hill (to be inside of a house) covered in these vibrantly orange flowers. The flowers were so orange that they glowed. Imagine a poppy held up to a vibrant sunset in Disney style neon Technicolor…and them push up the intensity a couple of notches and that is how vibrant the flowers were. I picked one, and it was huge too…it almost covered the cup of my hand.. and the smell! Oh mercy it was sweet and strong without being overpowering…I left the kitchen to show this beautiful flower to my mom, and in the living room she was picking one of the flowers out there, which was a tiger lily…no where near as bright as the kitchen flowers, but still more vibrant and glowing than any natural flower…then I went outside and Cheffy was there, and I showed the flower to him… and that is all I can remember….but that color orange is stuck in my head. Luckily I have a calendar at work that just happens to have Georgia O’Keffes Oriental Poppies for the month of May. So that is satisfying my need for orange… at least for now.

Hm. I’m pretty sure today is going to be a lonnnng day since I am tired already. I have been going to bed pretty early, but it just doesn’t seem to be doing it. I want to go to Michael’s tomorrow to get some florist stuff so that I can send of my mom’s Mothers day package…but I plan on sleeping in…at least until 9-ish.
*wiggles* That is all that is going to get me through this day. The thought that I DON’T have to come in tomorrow.

I was trying to wait to post this until I had something more to say… but ah well.

Stay Jazzed.

Freeeeddoomm....

I’m FREEEEE!! Free at last free at Last!

No… I didn’t dump the darling (though THAT conversation will be touched on later) I just took my final for this class, and I am prettttyyy darn sure that I aced it. Or even if I didn’t ace it, I got the C that I need to pass! Free! Free! It’s odd, especially considering precisely how LITTLE work I did in that class… but I’m relived. Finally… I will really and truly have a B.S.

Speaking of BS (don’t you just LOOOVVVEE the segue) me and Cheffy had the ‘talk’ yesterday. *sighs* It’s rather hard to convince a person who is under the assumption that they ARE already doing the right thing that what they are doing is just NOT up to snuff. I think I got it through his remarkably thick head though. My quarters are off limits. The body wash he said he didn’t notice…which I find hard to believe considering it was like in the BACK of all my other shower stuff, with several other soaps in front of it… *rolls eyes*, the detergent is off limits, he said he will stop getting pay per view, and the phone is handled. Ugh. I am soooooo damn passive it’s aggravating. It get on my own nerves sometimes. And I guess it wouldn’t be as hard to talk about those kind of things if he was THERE when I noticed them.. but as he rarely is… I have to store up my bitching for the next time I see him. And usually the last thing I am thinking about is bitching *wiggles of eyebrows* anyhow. I don’t know. I’ll see how I feel about the ‘change’ in status. Ugh

I got a harness for the little kitty today. I figure since he likes to ‘explore’ so danngone much he might like to be able to go outside and wander about. One of my coworkers has a Irish setter (I think that is what it is... it’s a Toto) and she had gotten a harness for her, but it was too small.. so she gave it to me. Cool huh? All I have to get now is a leash…and convince Gio to wear it. Speaking of which. I still have not gotten the pictures from the place yet. I will post them tomorrow… I’m sure.

Speaking of tomorrow, I’m about to be off for a looonnng weekend. I’m taking Friday off (for no good reason) and ahhh.. it’s gonna be great. I don’t know what (if anything) I will do. I know right now all I want to do is go to sleep. *yyaaaawwwwwnnn*

Um. I think I’m leaving kind early today. *nods* Yup yup

Stay Jazzed

Life.

I’m SOOOO proud of myself. I completed all of my assignments over the weekend, and got two B’s and a C. *shakes head* It’s really sad, because I really don’t CARE about what I’m supposedly learning. I stopped really caring about learning as far as ‘school curriculum’ goes when I realized that someone with a certification rather than a college degree could do the exact same thing that I am doing, considering the fact that almost every company that is hiring now puts their new employees through an intense training period. Once I realized that the only reason a degree even really matters is to prove that you have the ability to learn.. I realllllllllly stooped giving a damn. I KNOW I can learn… in fact I am a pretty good learner. *rolls eyes* I hate documentation. All I have to do now is pass the final (with a C or better) and I will be set.

I got the cutesy pies pictures of Giovanni back… they all came back pretty good, including one that has this really cool double image effect because Gio was in front of the floor to ceiling window that is in the living room. I haven’t gotten the electronic version yet ( I have to pick that up tonight) so tomorrow I will be able to post some lovely images of my little precious. He is getting used to being around me… I think. Ugh. We aren’t even going to go there though.

I am still debating with myself about whether or not I am going to get a laptop. I would really like having one, but I can always use the one that I have at work. What I’m really doing is trying to talk myself out of getting a laptop in a way that won’t make me feel deprived. *laughs* I’ll just put it off for the car. Speaking of which… hmmm I think I might go and get my learner’s permit on Friday (as I am taking the day off). I am already going to be studying for my final, so if I just use the driving stuff as a buffer for break times, I can kill two birds with one stone. Hmph. *sighs* anyhow…

I have been inspired…some by myself and some by *Adrastea* . I am going to go out and start taking street pictures. There is so much going on in Indy now.. with the race and so forth going on. I doubt that I will be able to find any really good protests and such like she found, but anything to exercise my photographic skills and increase my hit rate from what it is now. Out of a roll of film, I tend to end up with about 3 or 4 pictures that I reallly like, and the rest are just wasted paper. I figure that is mainly due to the fact that 1) I don’t have a well trained eye and 2) I tend to try to fit something into a photograph rather than discovering the photographs around me…if that makes any sense. I figure I should be able to swing developing about 4 rolls a month, or a roll a weekend. And if I can find a good place to develop rolls that has a good discount too, I will reallly be set. Umm…

I am soooo bored here. *sighs* I know it’s bad when I start hunting for meetings to go to. I just have to remember that it is another slump, and that eventually we (as a group) will slide on out of it. It’s just taking so dad-blasted long. And I’m sure the fact that it’s Monday isn’t helping any.
*grins* FoxTrot is funny though. The perfect level of funny… good enough to keep be amused, but not so funny I start laughing out loud and give myself away.

Hmm.. I’m up to May 1999… I’ve got a bit more to go…

Stay Jazzed

Rolling up the doormat

I don’t know how I’m going to handle this. I am such a non-confrontational kinda person, but I just can’t take it anymore. I’m not sure what the straw was… the comment about he makes what I have after bills…which I know isn’t true. But maybe he read that wrong. The fact that he uses stuff up, and never offers to replace it. The fact that he doesn’t offer to pay for anything that he uses. The fact that he has gotten just a LITTLE too comfortable in treating my house like his house. The fact that while I scrimp and save for every little thing that I want… he feels free to buy 80.00 dollars shirts and go to the pub and spend 70.00 bucks…and doesn’t even offer to take me out. The fact that he is saving at least 30.00 a night by being able to come to my home rather than catching a cab to his…and yet he feels no need to offer to help me with any of my bills. I feel like I’m just making it way too easy… offering him everything (material wise) and not getting anything in return. *shrugs* Yeah, he brings home a rack of steaks every once in a while…yeah he buys a pizza sometimes, yeah he….brings home loads of liquor…but to me that doesn’t make up for me buying a 28 load box of detergent, and only being able to wash clothes three times out of that box. It doesn’t make up for having 20.00 dollars worth of quarters left in the container, and when I come back to wash my clothes, there are none left. It doesn’t make up for me having body wash that I have used 3 times…and it is almost all gone. It doesn’t make up for using MY phone like it’s his…and not offering to help me out with the bill. It doesn’t make up for spending close to 30.00 bucks a month on pay per view, and not offering to pay for it. It’s like he lives there, but doesn’t pay any of the bills…and I’m tired of it. I KNOW I can live off of 500.00 bucks a month… I lived off of 250.00 a month while I was in Atlanta, and I KNOW I can do it here. I can’t however do it, when I’m basically supporting someone else. Yeah, he has his own apartment. But he is so very rarely there. He doesn’t have his own phone, he doesn’t have a car, he isn’t paying on his student loan (at least not regularly.. if he was then they wouldn’t have taken money out of his tax refund). He isn’t saving any money because he just opened a savings account. *sighs* I don’t like it…and it’s going to sound really odd when I say it…but I want him to move out. *laughs* Either move out or start paying some bills. I will miss not having him there as much, but I won’t miss the dead weight. *sighs* Money issues… I just wish I had enough.

And I hope I’m not taking it out on him… the fact that I feel lost and I am hunting for control somewhere… and this is one place (other than my waistline) where I know that the fat can be trimmed. And of course there is the fact that I am starting to feel…used shall we say? Not used… but not as valued. I’m not feeling like a precious jewel anymore… I’m starting to feel like the ol’ girl. Ugh. I don’t ask for much…and I guess sometimes that is just all that I get…but this.. this is ridiculous.

I guess you could say I am going through emotional earthquakes...a natural shifting of the basis of my emotional & mental viewpoint to the world.

It’s like I am reevaluating everything…not taking anything at it’s face value…not settling for anything. *Sighs* Once again, it’s gonna be a wild ride.


Stay Jazzed.

Double Vision

Well.. I hate it when I’m right. Cheffy didn’t come over. *sighs* Men. Anyway… I had the oddest dream about it last night. I dreamt that he sent me an email that said he was going home to take came of some business, and that when I wanted him to come back to give him a call. *sighs* I don’t know. He’s going north to visit his family this weekend…and I have a very much so not good feeling about this. *shrugs* I don’t know why...but…I’m worried. *sighs* I hope he doesn’t get into too much madness with his brother.

Anyway….Gio’s visit to the vet went well. He is a healthy little mite, except for the totally gross amount of ear mites he had…I’m surprised the poor baby could hear. He also got his shots, and got a blood test for feline leukemia. He’s allll healthy. And he doesn’t have fleas. They gave me some advantage to put on him, but I left him alone last night. Once we got home, he slept for like 4 hours. The vet said that he might have a low fever and that he would sleep a lot, so I wasn’t worried. He is such an adventurous little man…I definitely want to get him a harness and leash so that we can go out on walks and stuff. I’m sure he will love it. I’m slowly getting over the fact that he likes Cheffy more than me… *shrugs* I think it something in the way he smells. *grins* I think he slept on some of his clothes last night, as when I was looking for him this morning he came out of the second bedroom where Cheffy keeps some of his clothes looking all sleepy eyed. *sighs* Ah well.

I haven’t done a damn thing with my homework all week. Monday I was sick, Tuesday I was cleaning, Wednesday, I brought the computer home, but forgot the disk drive and thus could not get the stuff I had already started on, Thursday I was going to the vet, and that bring me to today. *siiigghs* And god knows I still don’t want to do it. But I’m gonna crank out something. I want to be done by Monday, so I can study for the final on Monday and Tuesday night. God I can’t wait to be DONE with this crap.

Blagh.



Yeech. I wrote almost a whole entry about my man and my cat.. and somehow it just felt like the biggest load of shit ever. Not saying that I’m not thrilled with both of them in my life, but dammit I act like that is it sometimes. Like who I am is spanned by cat, job, man, school. I’m sick of it myself, and I’m sick of writing about it. I miss writing about me, what I’m feeling and into. I know that my diary is going to vary a lot, sometimes it will be just a factual rendering of my life and other times it will be a deep examination of my navel (which I have never been able to do…examine my navel that is. My boobs are too big) and other times it will just be a random outpouring of Mercy knows WHAT.
I think that I am getting sick of myself. Makes no sense? I’m sick of me being ME. I’m tired of just being… so fucking nonchalant. UGH!!! Part of the reason that I started exercising was so that I could start a change within myself… start a shift some where. I’m tired of doing the some thing every day. But as te weather is getting better, I really don’t have an excuse to go home every day. *sighs* I’m tired of talking about it.

Blagh.

Jazzed.

Normal, Indiana

Well…. One downside of going mildly crazy is you freak your loving boyfriend out. I KNOW he thinks that I am absolutely crazy as I broke down crying for no real reason last night, then hopped out of bed and slept in the living room. I don’t know… he was just rubbing me all the wrong way last night…hmm.. actually for the past few days. *shrugs* I don’t know if it is just me that is moody or if he is getting the grumps too. I know he is having some family issues…but… I don’t know. I think we will have to sit down and have a nice little talk. It’s nothing major just little stuff that I see has the potential to blow up into big stuff. He is closing tonight which usually means that he is coming over, but as I freaked out last night he will most likely go home. *sighs* Men.

I’m perfectly fine today though. Start bleeding and everything goes right back to normal. In fact, I’m in a really good mood. *shakes head* So him seeing me capering around the house tra-la-la-ing this morning freaked him out even more. I need to figure out a way to explain what is going on to him that doesn’t sound like I am trying to cover up some issue that I have… which I think that he thinks I am doing. If that made any sense.

I spent most of today going to meetings, or online trying to gather and understand information about IRA’s so that I could send my mom the information. She is getting a nice little chunk of money from her old job and she wants to invest it for a nice little retirement fund. It was actually more fun and not quite as intricate as I had expected it to be. Of course, I didn’t really get into the whole mutual funds vs. stocks vs. bonds stuff that is really the ROOT of IRA’s, but I figure I will do that on my own later. I wouldn’t feel right advising her on that…I love my mommy too much to give her bad money advice. I wrote her a veeeerryy long email about it.
Humph… she should be glad that I helped her out at all after that taunting little email she sent me this morning because ‘my’ Pacers lost the first round playoffs to ‘her’ Sixers. IT was only one line…but a single line of internet laughter can sting!! *grins* She’s a meanie anyway.

I am hooked on the Italian Cream Sodas that the coffee place by my office makes. I work inside of a partially remodeled factory (actually the last half of the building is still a factory) and there is basically a full service coffee shop right across from the area that I work in. They make the BEST cream sodas, and in such a wide variety of flavors… I could most likely get a different flavor every other day and not repeat for over a month. *sighs* And they are cheap too… at least compared to my usual coffee shop fare. *shakes head* I am such a lush… I was just thinking of how GREAT this would be with a small shot of rum or real Ameretto in it. *grins* ummmmmmmmm

I’m taking Gio to get his shots today, and I am going to drop off the film too. One of my kitty loving co-workers was kind enough to bring me a kitty carrier that I can borrow, so I don’t have to worry about the silly kitty trying to run off. He most definitely likes Cheffy more than he likes me. Ain’t that nothing?? He slept with him last night… *siiiggghhhs* I’m not even going to delve into that. Hopefully I will have pictures of the little precious by Monday.
And he figured out what the box is for. I cleaned the spots where he had poo’ed very well with some non ammonial stuff so that he wouldn’t smell it and think that was the right place to go. It seems to have worked as he has been going in the box. I think it MIGHT be a little high for him, but as he is feeling like a big boy, I will let him.

I have decided that I am for sure going to DC/Philly over Memorial Day. If I don’t get out of this city at some point I will go batty. The tickets are only 150.00 round trip (right now) and I will either hitch a ride or catch the bus to go up to Philly. Hopefully the whole trip will be no more than 500.00…. which I really shouldn’t be spending… but dammit I miss my friends!!! *sighs* I have GOT to get a cheaper apartment.

*sighs* 2:15… another hour and 15 minutes to go…. Well… off to play games.


Stay Jazzed.

Dementia

I hate hate hate hate hate these damn mood swings. They are aggravating, irritating, and make me down right MISERABLE! *sighs* I feel like I'm going crazy, and I know exactly what is wrong, ut as that helps me none it is even more frustrating. Luckily for those around me, they tend to be very much so internal (see previous feeling of inadequacy, depression and insanity), so I don’t appear to be going mad every month. But man… it is a beating on the psyche. While I KNOW that by Friday at this time I will feel just peachy freakin keen, those days between now and then seem to be an eternity. I wobble between not wanting to see Cheffy and wanting to curl up in his arms until Friday. Between quitting my job and telling my boss that this is the greatest thing since sliced bread. Between going to a club and flirting and partying my ass off or sitting in my house, closing the drapes, and cussing out every single telemarketer who dares to ring my phone. Sudden washed of rages and irritation, followed by a deep weepy feeling. I figured I was going to be just fine, considering that I went through the STRANGEST crying jag on Friday, sitting on my couch and crying so hard I gave myself a headache…and then walking the streets for almost three hours afterwards. I figured THAT was going to be the end of the emotional roller coaster. I can’t keep going through this...losing almost a week of every month to this other woman who invades me and whose moods are as changeable as clouds in the sky. After I get through this jag, I will only have one more before I go back to see my doctor. I am going to ask him then whether I can stay on the pill continuously (a constant supply of hormones) or if I can get on some other form of birth control. Dear god, if I am this bad now, after just three weeks of constant hormone adjustment, I can only imagine what the whole postpartum depression thing is gonna be like for me.

The only good thing about this is I write like a mad woman (though not ‘real’ writing) and if I can remain calm for an extended period of time I tend to talk more about what’s going on inside of me. *rolls eyes* Mercy but that sounded SO psychobabblish. Hm. This is a good state to work on my homework in then…*shakes head* I can’t wait to go home. Though I have to stop at the grocery store first and see if I can find something to use for Gio’s catbox until I can get to the pet store.

*sighs*

Stay Jazzed.

Yeah yeah yeah.....

*shakes head* It’s amazing how time flies. I got ONE… only ONE room of my house cleaned (the living room) and barely that. The kitchen is still partially a wreck (the dishes are clean, the floor is not) and we aren’t even going to TALK about my bedroom….though just a good vacuum might solve all of that. We are also not going to talk my hair. *sigh* Gio is a crazy kitten… and getting a lot more used to me. I guess the poor dear was just a little gun shy to start off. :) humph. We are having a BIT of a litter problem though… I have the litter box in the hall closet (on a mat) and he will go ON the mat… but not in the box… odd yes?? I think I might need to change the litter to something less good smelling *shrugs* I’ll ask the vet when I go though. Speaking of which… as I realized that flea collars are icky things, and as I’m pretty sure the baby has fleas, we are going to the vet tomorrow… for a bit of a check-up, some shots, and some flea prevention stuff. *nods* I just have to figure out how to carry him there as I have no pet carrier. Any suggestions fellow kitty lovers??

I am going to work on my school work tonight, and that’s it. And play with the kitten… who is without a doubt a he cat. As he decided to let me play with him yesterday, and we were doing the classic ‘cat on it’s back attacking the monster hand’ I had a good look at his underparts, and they are without a doubt boy underparts. :) I have never had a boy kitty before…mainly because none of my kittys ever got spayed/neutered, and my mother wasn’t trying to have a male cat squirting everywhere…. Yeech!! This baby for SURE will be getting his bits snipped.

I took loads of pictures of the little dear last night. It wasn’t till I finished the roll that I realized I was shooting with B&W film, so they should come out pretty interesting. I am going to drop them off to get them developed tomorrow (as I forgot to bring them with me today) and get them placed on a disk too so that I can post pictures of the little angel as soon as possible. He rather enjoyed getting his picture taken…or at least chasing after the auto focus light on my camera…silly cat.

Um. Hm. I am having hormonal issues. I feel soooo inadequate for like anything. Of course, this feeling comes and goes like a breeze, but it is still rather irritating. I think the cause of my headache might be the birth control pills that I am on…as this is the only ‘new’ thing in my life right now. I have never taken this kind before, so my body is adjusting to it… and as I am on the ‘green’ pills now… maybe the sudden change from daily hormones to no daily hormones caused the headache. I don’t know. I will see what happens next month. If the same thing happens, I am getting OFF of these suckers. Being curled up in pain for a day every month is just outrageous. Hm. I would prefer to get an IUD, but the doctor wouldn’t give me one…*rolls eyes*. Maybe now since me & Cheffy have been together for nine (can you believe it??) months that might be an option. Ugh. Moody me SUCKS. And I’m tense. Blagh. I need a nap. Blagh. And it’s not even 10 yet… *siiiiggggghhhhhhhssss* blagh.


Stay Jazzed

Last Licks

It’s quite sad. I have *thinks* three (four really.. but the other one is done and graded, but I could get a better grade) assignments to do in 8 days, and all I can think about is hmmmm… I wonder how much of the house I should clean?? I mean I HAVE a reasonable reason… I don’t want Giovanni to get into anything that she shouldn’t while I’m out of the house. However, what BETTER excuse to not do work? Also, I’m frantic to find a kitten flea collar. I’m totallllllly paranoid about fleas considering I have wall to wall carpet. Can you say HORROR?? *sighs* So many choices, so little timeeeeee…..

I have realized what my main issue with my job is. I don’t have enough to do. I have wayyy too much freaking free time that I could be using so much more usuefully doing stuff that I need to be doing. I mean if my job only truly takes up about 50% of my day, why can’t I just be here for THAT long?? But of course get paid for a full day’s worth of work… since that is what I wold be doing. *sighs* Anyyywayyyy…


Hmmm… not too bad. Altogether it is only going to cost me about 210.00 for all of Giovanni’s ‘treatments’, spots and spay. If she turns out to be a he, it will be even cheaper (the whole nip & tuck thing is so much easier on boy kitties than girl kitties). I am STILL so thrilled that I have a kitty. Be warned, my next few entries will surely be all about my kitty. *LOL* I will try to keep the salacious titles down to a minimum though. *grins* *does a little happy dance* *growls at the thought of the meanies who cut her whiskers*

Argh! Something else I have to do.. I have GOT to wash my hair… it has been bugging me for the past few days but I have been avoiding it as I am out of my fave shampoo…and haven’t stopped anywhere to get it. Soooo….As I am going to go right PAST the store that sells it tonight.. *sighs* I might as well pick that up so that I can wash my hair tonight too…I think that what I will do is get al of the other stuff out of the way (hair, house, cat shopping) tonight, so that for the rest of the week I will have NO MORE excuses!!! (Ohh.. look at me trying to get my life into order) *sssiiiigggghhhs*

Okay…Only 40 more minutes… then shoooooppppiinnggg!!! And cleeeannniinnngggg!!!

Stay Jazzed.

Of Pussies and Pain

Well…my weekend was simply lovely. I did not a damn thing all weekend (including the school work that I was sooo soo sure that I was going to do *sighs* ) AND I got yesterday off. But that wasn’t a good thing.

I don’t know what was wrong with me over the weekend. I was such a total lazy bear. Saturday I think I might have moved from my comfy chair like ONCE… at least until I started making the spaghetti sauce. I have a remarkably empty refrigerator, and I am stubbornly refusing to go to the grocery store to buy junk. I HAVE stuff to eat, it is just a matter of cooking it. So anyway, on Saturday I figured that I might as well bust open the containers of tomato paste that I have had in my cupboard for almost 3 months and convert them along with some other odds and ends from the freezer into some yummy spaghetti sauce that can be further used in a wide variety of things. As I am 1) highly experimentative and 2) anal...it took me like 5 hours before I was realllly satisfied with the sauce. Of course, by that time I was no longer in the least bit hungry. Of course, the fact that I had most likely eaten almost a cup of the stuff during repeated taste tests to fix and refix several errors (have you ever tasted sweet spaghetti sauce… just THINKING about is turning my stomach) left me rather uninterested in anything tomatoey that night. Sunday was a repeat of Saturday. Except this time, I actually ate the spaghetti. It was rather good if I may say so myself. I have loads of it left at home, and I am sure I will be eating spaghetti until I am sick of it but.. *shrugs* I’m trying to be thrifty thrifty. I taped BackLash Sunday night, but wasn’t able to watch it all… and besides, I had to go to bed so that I could get up and workout (as I had slacked and did nothing but weights and ab work over the weekend). However…my Monday plans were going to be rudely disrupted.

5:30 am Monday morning: I am woken up by the sudden sensation of someone thrusting a long sharp hot poker straight through my left eyelid. Oh what joy, oh how wonderful.

6:30 am: I am still laying in bed, having moved twice (rolling over) and considering that my head felt like it was going to explode from that, decided that doing any thing to raise my blood pressure just might be fatal. Or if not fatal, it sure as hell would feel that way.

6:35 am: Swallow two Advil and a Motrin

7:00 am: Manage to get out of bed in triple slow motion. Wonder how long it takes for drugs to kick in. Stagger to the shower.

7:15 am: Exit out of the shower feeling vaguely human. Realize what time it is and step up my speed to double slow time…I don’t want to miss the bus (Yes… I was actually GOING to work)

7:30am: Fly out of the apartment building just in time to yell “HOLD THE BUS”…as I do most mornings…Thank god there is a seat at the very front of the bus for me to collapse into. Curse every non existent shock and every very large pothole the bus goes through as they seem to add additional spikes to the big hot one sticking out if my head. Wonder why the drugs haven’t worked yet.

7:40am: Step onto the other bus, reeling from the sudden wave of nausea. Realize suddenly that if I had to drive MYSELF to work, I would have killed a few people by now. I curl up in the corner of the bus for the entire torturous ride to work.

8:00am: Arrive at work, looking and feeling like shit. But I’m not SICK… it’s just a little headache. Cringe at the sound of my own heels hitting the ground. Decide I will give myself an hour, and if I don’t feel better, will go home.

8:03am: Walk into the team room, have several people look at me and tell me to go home. I haven’t even gotten to my desk yet…which I really need to get to so that I can lean my 5 ton head against something.

8:15am: Have managed to turn on my computer, read two pieces of email, throw up, and get officailly kicked out of the office, along with a free ride to take me home

8:30am: Close the blinds in my room, climb back into bed, cry a little, curse the lying makers of Advil and Motrin, sleep until 3:00.

I STILL don’t know what the hell was wrong with me. When I woke up I still had a tiny bit of a headache, that rapidly escalated into a throb if I bent over or moved any faster than a veryyyy slow walk. Two more Motrin and about 2 quarts of water solved THAT little bastard though. *shrugs* One of my coworkers said that it might have been a migraine, and if so.. oh dear GOD! That is one thing I would take drugs… very very very strong drugs for in a heartbeat.

But… the day got better. Cheffy brought me a gift since he knew I was feeling like shit….a itty bitty fuzzzy piece of a gray Kitten. *grins* S/he is sooooo adorable. I think it’s a girl, but I’m not quite sure. It’s name right now is Giovanni, but it might be changed to be officially Nikki Giovanni if examination turns out that he is a she. I have tried to examine Giovanni a few times, and I don’t SEE any dangly bits, so I’m thinking it’s a girly kitty. :) He also went out and got the needed bits and pieces. :) Giovanni is an independent cuss, although if I ever meet whoever had her before I got her I’mma beat them upside the head because it looks like someone trimmed his whiskers. Evil creatures. She’s also kinda petting shy.. so I’m thinking the previous owners had some bad ass kids who tormented the poor baby a bit. *narrows eyes* Cat meanies.
Anyhowwwww… I’mma take her to the vet around the corner after I get paid next month to get shots and check for the sex and see when I need to get the little bit ‘fixed’. *grins* That made the whole rest of the rather shitty day much much better.

I feel rather bad as I have not really ‘worked out’ in almost four days now. When I get home I HAVE to wash clothes, work out, do some work on my school stuff and play with Giovanni. :) Let’s see how many of those things I reallllly get done.


Stay Jazzed.